Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML
Today, while I was working, my friend stopped by and visited with me a moment. After she left, my client asked me if she was my daughter. My friend is 32 and I'm 27. FML
Today, a waitress kept calling me "Mom" and my dad "Dad". My dad (69) and I (38f) hang out a lot, and very often go out to eat, just the two of us. Either I look really old, or people think he's got it going on. Why? They ask me, "Is that your dad or grandpa?" Then ask him, "Is that your wife or daughter?" FML
Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML
Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML
Today, I told a coworker I loved her cute baby bump, and asked when 'the little guy' was due. She glared at me and said, “I had the baby two months ago. You saw him a month ago, here, in this office.” FML
Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML
Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML
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Top comments
ilovera 7
Say "Sorry, I do not have a child, my coworker is the one who recently had a baby" very loudly, so your crush can hear.
HowieDoIt 21
This is not the mother you are looking for...
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Comments (65)
BinaryGuy 22
Hm, hope he likes kids :)
biggestfan23 11
Or just talk to him...
OscarDV 8
Yeah, if he asks next time say "Baby? Honey, you and I are going to make the baby. ;)"
Inediblepeaches 15
Yes, so you can win the title of complete ******* creep
ilovera 7
Say "Sorry, I do not have a child, my coworker is the one who recently had a baby" very loudly, so your crush can hear.
CheeseHater 23
Exactly, or at least at the same level as the person who asked. This FML seems so very trivial.
jogihoppa8343 23
would be the best clarification..
Imhere4fml 24
Then what is?
Imhere4fml 24
Read that wrong...
Kilv 13
No you're not a duck. Ducks cant type on keyboards
darkgodxvx 4
2 - Nawwwp. This would make waaaaay too much sense for someone to actually do. This is barely an FML because it is resolved in the next few lines anyway. Unless of course OP is so socially awkward that her brain BSOD'd on her. @OP What's wrong with moms? I pulled a 24 year old HB7.5 mother of three last Saturday. I never date moms, but I'll ONS them, and that's usually all they want anyway. I like to call it a win-win scenario.
flockz 19
i'm not sure he'll be gaga over you anymore.
I_iz_B_a_troll 23
I dunno, some guys would find it attractive. He might want his goo goo all up in... I can't think of an appropriate way to make that joke, sorry.
mmaflake 19
Boo
TheElBurrrito 21
#3, I wouldn't be so sure. Her crush could be thinking his chances of getting laid are pretty good, since she "has a kid".
HowieDoIt 21
This is not the mother you are looking for...
gc327072 30
*waves hand* "You're right, this is not the mother I'm looking for." *walks away entranced*
KY_Jelly 10
If he asks about it, say it's just a misunderstanding and offer to explain over coffee.
Acik91 26
It's OP that has a crush on him, as far as we know, it doesn't work the other way around. So, why would he bother to ask? The point is, it just decreases OP's chances.
Nolimit2217 32
Do you look big enough to look like you just gave birth?! That should be your FML..
nikhilambhorkar 24
I think you should start wearing a name plate for yourself.
journeytotheend 16
You mean, waitress actually have names? I thought it was just bar wench
carry_on 19
At least you might get tipped more if the customers think you've just become a mum...
ICastillo 24
Yeah, but that's not the tip she wants.
missd420 16
This is very true. My tips quadrupled in my third trimester, and still stayed around triple, with my regulars at least, for over a year. Helped out SO much!
perdix 29
So, you're having a hard time getting rid of the "baby weight?" Maybe your crush is a plumpa humpa? If the guy is frequently at your restaurant, he's not just there for the pie -- at least, not that kind of pie ;)
SirEskimo 13
Pecan is my favorite, followed by Cream.
ICastillo 24
I think he would prefer to cream it himself.
perdix 29
#12, back in the day, he'd be jonesing for Hair Pie, but I guess that flavor has fallen out of favor.
TwoOneFive 11
That sucks