Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML
Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a coworker. I got her the job. FML
Today, my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML
Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since my wife started her new job. She got overwhelmed and fell off the wagon on Monday. Instead of going to work, she spent the last week passed out drunk, and she'll probably get fired. We really needed that 100k a year she was going to make. FML
Today, after five months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight." She allowed me all of four minutes of feeling good about myself. FML
Today, I got a new job where one of my co-workers is someone I have been in love with for over 5 years now. She's married but my feelings for her just won't go away. FML
Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML
Today, we had a family day at my new job. I used to have a very abusive boss in my previous position, who even slapped one co-worker across the face in the office, prompting me to quit. Guess who turns out to be my new manager's wife… FML
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Top comments
SerendipityRose 26
Love you too, honey... Yikes.
JustKittyKat 24
Well, someone doesn't get any celebratory cake and alcohol.
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Comments (111)
bvcx222 6
So mm.... Positive....
HKCgrimmjow 15
HAH this sounds like something my mom would have told me! Does anyone else get that vibe about your parents lmao
natskie 7
Maybe he is just a **** up... And can't keep a job down? I know people like that!
SerendipityRose 26
Love you too, honey... Yikes.
billyz77 24
That's just it, #2, she probably does love him. It's just that she knows him too well.
JustKittyKat 24
Well, someone doesn't get any celebratory cake and alcohol.
badbadkitty 5
And she's definitely not going to be down for celebratory sex.
AurumPotestasEst 16
Was that a double entendre?
joshiepo0 18
The cake is a lie.
frethelt 3
not so shure getting a job is a good reason to drink... if you end up overdoing it youll probably have to start looking for a new job all over again... i dont know how many bosses and or managers think comming in on the first day with a hangover as making a good impression... just saying
JustKittyKat 24
93. I never implied that OP should drink on a work night. And Never did I suggest he go over the top.
ItsaMeLuigi 6
Don't take it too seriously, she was probably on her period.
jjessen 20
Yes, because ALL girls who act like asshats are on their period. (Sarcasm)
Pleonasm 35
Don't take it too seriously, jjessen, he's probably just a dick
naya_bingi 11
Yes, cause ALL men who act like dicks are... Ok, I guess I reached a dead end on this one :(
Pleonasm 35
"Because ALL men who joke about periods are dicks" might've worked xD But you don't get the "acts like" with this way.
Relenaz 9
Even when I'm on my period, I'm still way nicer than that...and I get terrible PMS mood swings. Something as mean as that doesn't come from hormones. Even if it were hormone related, she would have apologized for the outburst once the mood roller coaster shifted later, thus he wouldn't have had to write on FML.
Eluveitie 9
Wonderful^
Dinger1992 3
Well its kinda positive but yea it was a little harsh. Good luck with the job
Maddy9111 11
... P...M...S...
kiwienne 21
I vote for pardon my stupidity! Or pass my shotgun, but that could turn out pretty messy :/
PenguinBitch 43
Please Make Sandwich..who do you mistaken me for?!? Oh, guys she was sarcastic, Pardon My Sarcasm.
joshiepo0 18
It stands for Perpetual Motion Squad.
victus 14
pooping massive shit pardoned murdering sister pissed macho samurai
False_Stupidity 41
Please more sex? Pawn my scooter? Partly mauled scorpion?
TotallyAradical 14
I like her.
Eluveitie 9
47.. What?
tj5810 21
Tell her she should try to be a supportive wife. Congratulations on your new venture! Make the best of it! :)
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
I’m being the devil’s advocate there but who is to say that OP was so reliable professionally before? Maybe she said that because he is in the habits to screw things up and get fired. Either way, this situation calls for a serious talk on each other’s feelings.
Isandri 29
Similar thought has come to my mind, maybe the OP has influenced somehow the lost of his previous job. but anyway, finding a job is hard and she should be at least supportive about that! Congrats OP, I hope everything will go as you want it to ;)
tj5810 21
#49- I'm guessing you're not a very supportive partner. Regardless, everyone screws up sometimes, OP's wife needs to be there for him no matter what. That's what marriage is about.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
#83 > You clearly misunderstood my post, wilfully or not, I don't know. I was the devil's advocate because most comments were bashing the wife. What do you think I meant by "this calls for a serious talk about each other's feelings"? His wife should tell him why she feels that he might screw up and he should tell her that her comment was harsh and hurt him. That's what marriage is about: communication.
panicsdisaster 17
Well if you are raising a family and got fired from your last job, i can see from where she she gets her point.
SystemofaBlink41 27
She could still say it nicely...
docscientist 9
I wonder if the wife is working at all.
perdix 29
Yeah, I get that a lot, too. Let's face it. FML is a lot more fun and rewarding than some dumb ol' job. The job just pays the bills ;)
Pleonasm 35
Pffft, who needs whoever is giving you grief, when you've got me? ;)
ajeppsen 25
You also can enjoy reading other peoples misery in life. Reading FMLs is always the best part of my day.
gc327072 30
*part* of your day? noob!
poccocurantes 7
Yes, yes, leave the cubicles and and cash registers behind. Throw off the shackles of corporate oppression, leave your dead end jobs and come with us. It's so beautiful. *dabs eye with hankecheif. Oops time to take my meds.