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The all-time greatest FMLs

He's a keeper

By Stephy - 21/01/2026 20:00

Today, my husband asked if he could join Tinder for some “hookups and that’s it” because he’s tired of jerking off. I told him, “Absolutely not.” He thinks I’m being selfish and inconsiderate. I’m 7 months pregnant; in fact, I offered to have pregnant sex with him. He said that my belly turns him off, “no offense.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 88

#GirlBoss

By What the fuck - 07/06/2025 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, I caught my underage daughter selling naked pictures to internet sickos. Trying to stay calm, I asked her why. She said, "Should I go work at McDonald's for pennies? I've made over twelve grand in three months selling pictures of my tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 142

Confused as hell

By Anonymous - 01/06/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home and my wife was pissed that I'd forgotten our plans. She then refused to tell me what I forgot and went to bed. I know my memory’s bad so I always write stuff down, but there’s nothing on our joint calendar, nothing on my calendar, no Post-it notes, texts, or emails, nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 100

Give peace a chance

By Anonymous - 05/04/2026 03:00

Today, I found out that my mom withdrew me from karate at the insistence of my my fucking stepdad, who's a wimpy sissy pacifist who is against violence. I was so close to getting my black belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 90

All over the place

By Anonymous - 01/06/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I got super psyched up about a landscaping project my wife denied last year that she's finally game for, which will both fix a water leak into the house, and make our backyard look amazing. I took a week of PTO, then 20 minutes later my wife called to tell me a tree in our back yard fell over. We're also probably getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 107

Messy

By ZackAMole - 23/09/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was finally about to propose to my girlfriend at a fancy restaurant. Just as I got down on one knee, the fire alarm went off and the entire restaurant had to evacuate. She thought I was joking, and now she’s mad at me for "messing with her emotions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 74

My sweet Buddy

By Anonymous - 04/08/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my husband is upset that I refuse to sign off on a loan for $10k for an experimental surgery on his 11 year-old chronically ill dog. It will ultimately put more trauma on the poor creature, but he refuses to listen or let go. Not to mention the kids and mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 122

When it rains, it pours

By Wolfie - 01/09/2023 04:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was updating our company's tracking system, lovingly making sure every load was set up to track, asking drivers to accept tracking, excluding some from reporting that didn't track right, deleting unnecessary loads. Then I deleted an extremely important load. The one load that absolutely should not have been deleted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 302

Help out!

By Anonymous - 08/06/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I’ve been doing our family tree, it's become clear to me that every man who has married into my wife’s family for at least 4 generations has died within 15 years of the wedding. It’s our 13th anniversary next month. Two years to go. Someone help me by keeping their fingers crossed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 75

Sushi shit show

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 00:00

Today, I tried to make homemade sushi for the first time. It ended up looking like a Jackson Pollock painting, and tasted like a shoe. My roommates politely declined when I offered them some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 288

We still good?

By Anonymous - 11/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I cooked dinner for the girl I've been dating. Everything was going well until I accidentally set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up, and my date spent the rest of the evening flirting with one of the firefighters, so I guess we weren't actually dating? FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 120

Splinters

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, after sex last night, I'd fallen asleep nude without bothering to put on underwear. What a mistake that was. My cat decided to wake me up by clawing and biting my naked morning wood like she was trying to rip the head off a mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 188

DM FML

By Anonymous - 29/02/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play D&D. Some old acquaintances wanted to join, saying they'd pay for food. When I picked them up to drive them to the game, they claimed they were screwed on their paychecks, couldn't afford food or gas. However, they could afford Mountain Dew and candy bars for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 140

Uninvited

By Boner Jim - 24/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 139

Mismatched

By Aubs - 13/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my friends were trying to set me up with one of their other friends. We were texting and I said, “How is your day so far?” He responded with, “Worse.” I said, “Oh no what happened?” You know what he said? “You.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 96

Memes for life

By Anonymous - 10/07/2024 09:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my dad got blind drunk at my son’s birthday party and decided to describe in bone chilling detail what “Hawk Tuah” meant to a bunch of kids. Hello therapy bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 128

How could you?

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 00:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for "cheating" on him with his best friend. What did I do? I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek when I finally met him in person, after years of hearing about how great he is and how much we would get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 195

Take the W

By Anonymous - 13/03/2026 03:00

Today, I won my custody battle and I get to keep my deceased husband's kids. I know I should be happy but I'm getting so much hate from my former in-laws for taking the kids away from their "real family", even though they wanted to stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 67

Acrophobia

By Matthew Smith - 21/06/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my new drone got stuck on the neighbour's roof. I'd bought the drone to look at my roof because I don’t like going up on ladders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 664

Gutted

By G…… - 28/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try a new "exotic" restaurant that just recently opened. I paid almost a hundred bucks for a bowl of oily meat sludge and a bunch of mushy vegetables, then got to shit my brains out all night. Exotic my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 141

By Smeagogole - 02/07/2015 04:30 - France - Villeurbanne

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 67

Can't be arsed

By Anonymous - 31/03/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband turned down a six figure job offer because he thinks it will be too difficult to learn to speak German. German is my native language, he already speaks some German from being married to me for 16 years, but somehow becoming fully fluent isn’t worth 6 figures to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 116

Trigger happy

By Helen - 03/08/2025 03:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Today, my boyfriend saw a notification on my phone saying "Men's Singles". He lost his shit and dumped me. It was a tennis match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 103

Logan?

By Anonymous - 07/01/2023 00:00

Today, I got scammed and lost thousands of dollars, but my best friend would rather post on Instagram than reply to my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 850

Terms and conditions

By fishyrael - 11/06/2024 16:00 - United States - Gregory

Today, after being slammed with an unexpected ER visit, a $1000 vet bill, and my roommate moving out with 36 hours notice, all in the same month, I just barely had enough money to cover rent. Then a subscription I didn't know I had charged me $310 with zero communication. They won't give my money back. Fuck you, Noom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 154

Target goals

By Anonymous - 17/03/2026 15:00

Today, I officially completed my weight loss journey, only for my wife, who'd previously threatened to divorce me if I didn't lose weight, to tell me that she realized she liked me better when I was fat and that "you don't know what you have until it's gone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 75

Stacy's Mom

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. It turns out that one day, long before I met my girlfriend, I had a one-night stand with her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 266

How deep is your rake?

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a scene worthy of any comedy movie, I slipped and landed on my ass right on the garden rake my husband left in the grass. Sounds funny, right? Well, I have 9 holes in my ass and thigh that need stitches. One of them came close to poking my femoral artery, so technically I almost died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 94

Ed Shitran

By Lucky Willis - 16/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Sebring

Today, I wrote a song for my ex-girlfriend, hoping maybe we could give it another try. I emailed it to her and went about my day, wondering if she would respond. About six hours later, a deputy knocks on my door and serves me with an order of protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 1 724

By Anonymous - 06/05/2015 05:24 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 56

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The Top

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 782

You deserved it 4 904

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 228

You deserved it 6 105

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 574

You deserved it 51 902

Today, I had a bunch of parties while my parents were out of town. I made sure to clean up absolutely everything, I even vacuumed the stairs. As they pulled up, I noticed all of the trash bags filled with beer cans blocking their way into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 555

You deserved it 80 715

Today, I slept through my alarm and got fired for being late for work. My husband had changed my alarm to go off at 8:00PM instead of 8:00AM all because apparently, I was suspected of “conspiracy to cheat” by liking a male friend’s selfie on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 263

Today, my 17 year-old reacted with shock and horror when she learned that a single utility bill can amount to more than 200 dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 164