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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30577) - you deserved it (4285)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

#20501686
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26219) - you deserved it (6703)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:26pm - misc - by maggu (woman) - Denmark

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

#20494705
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33780) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:48pm - kids - by missedout (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a guy wolf-whistled me as I walked to the shop wearing comfy joggers, no makeup and my hair scraped back. Feeling rather pleased about it, I told my best friend and my fiancé. Their unanimous conclusion: the guy must have been drunk or taking hallucinogenic drugs. FML

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

#20515174
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32324) - you deserved it (4633)

On 02/20/2013 at 5:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

#20504918
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10726) - you deserved it (25156)

On 02/13/2013 at 11:45am - misc - by oh my dad - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

#20498469
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26547) - you deserved it (2843)

On 02/08/2013 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML

#20503939
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25923) - you deserved it (2684)

On 02/12/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by likearacehorse (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

#20506625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28269) - you deserved it (3335)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

#20517490
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30095) - you deserved it (3777)

On 02/22/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact both of my roommates are aware of. FML

#20521168
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31024) - you deserved it (3264)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:44am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

#20521204
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36520) - you deserved it (6676)

On 02/25/2013 at 1:10am - love - by Gullible (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

#20525412
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31719) - you deserved it (2241)

On 02/28/2013 at 6:02am - misc - by catdog552 - United States



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