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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML

#20485855
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27964) - you deserved it (2293)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:52am - health - by Miss Blairgowrie (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

#20481357
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27043) - you deserved it (2066)

On 01/27/2013 at 2:08pm - misc - by dynah114 (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

#20486186
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27344) - you deserved it (1855)

On 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by jeoak - India

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41215) - you deserved it (7961)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

#20438192
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41670) - you deserved it (1968)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:31am - love - by alynna007 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25776) - you deserved it (4003)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

#20448490
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25631) - you deserved it (4608)

On 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm - animals - by life// (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26453) - you deserved it (14111)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

#20473605
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (5648)

On 01/22/2013 at 7:29pm - work - by milkshake - United States (Texas)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25008) - you deserved it (36240)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML

#20471583
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28614) - you deserved it (2315) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/21/2013 at 3:24pm - misc - by normal - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

#20486408
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35840) - you deserved it (2538)

On 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm - animals - by puppydrama - United States

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

#20474414
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33999) - you deserved it (3492)

On 01/23/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by TheLastSerenade (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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