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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

#20115322
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29424) - you deserved it (3657)

On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

#20130143
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (2880)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by jeanrose2013 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

#20124199
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20362) - you deserved it (2253)

On 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Watchtower? More like fortress. (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22055) - you deserved it (2781)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

#20102571
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21412) - you deserved it (4597)

On 10/05/2012 at 5:47am - work - by desperate (woman) - Malta

Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML

#20138384
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30509) - you deserved it (1991)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:03am - misc - by StormSeason (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

#20136326
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31222) - you deserved it (6648)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Ceej - United States (Michigan)

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

#20114543
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9775) - you deserved it (30742)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:45am - health - by lalalalainie - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

#20123551
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26849) - you deserved it (6192)

On 10/19/2012 at 3:59am - kids - by best_mom_ever (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25023) - you deserved it (3311)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (3330)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML

#20131535
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33795) - you deserved it (2121)

On 10/24/2012 at 5:08pm - love - by wtactualfuck :( (woman) - United States

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27050) - you deserved it (1908)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)



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