Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

#20130811
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30530) - you deserved it (2608)

On 10/24/2012 at 1:15am - kids - by BobsBabe2 - United States

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

#20108741
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14735) - you deserved it (34290)

On 10/09/2012 at 4:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

#20118123
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27136) - you deserved it (3457)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by anon - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

#20122551
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25774) - you deserved it (3007)

On 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm - misc - by not as scarred as he should be (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

#20098355
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23409) - you deserved it (4123)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anna - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

#20100764
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7597) - you deserved it (28674)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm - misc - by staticman101 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

#20112873
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25895) - you deserved it (2419)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

#20110068
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31182) - you deserved it (8529)

On 10/10/2012 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Depression... (woman) - United States

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

#20139053
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10023) - you deserved it (15610)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by IndianAngel96 - United States (Texas)

Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML

#20101066
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29168) - you deserved it (5873)

On 10/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by Chamorru (man) - United States

Today, I was loudly bitched out by someone for speaking in a fake British accent, to make myself "sound sophisticated". I moved here two years ago from London. FML

Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML

#20100352
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24782) - you deserved it (7693)

On 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

#20134163
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (2970)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: