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September 2012

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Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

#20077596
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20514) - you deserved it (3541)

On 09/18/2012 at 10:04am - misc - by dearbailee (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

#20054049
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26213) - you deserved it (2577)

On 09/02/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by ImOverHere (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

#20089247
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19713) - you deserved it (1551)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:30am - misc - by dontrapeme - United States

Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

#20094866
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31322) - you deserved it (2532)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:56am - love - by Shortround - United States (Illinois)

Today, I invited my boyfriend to his first dinner out with my family. As my older brother was discussing the injuries he'd received while working as a tow truck driver, my innocent 10 year old brother piped up saying he should see what I did to my boyfriend's back with my nails. FML

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

#20070762
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26175) - you deserved it (4591)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by EvilMother (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

#20051466
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26186) - you deserved it (2131)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

#20083358
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (3010)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:12am - animals - by Grauncho - United States (Illinois)

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

#20076697
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22121) - you deserved it (2624)

On 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by StupidBerk (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19785) - you deserved it (7095)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

#20084083
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18532) - you deserved it (6983)

On 09/22/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

#20090883
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27774) - you deserved it (1661)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:31am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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