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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11948) - you deserved it (44696)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

#20068225
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11181) - you deserved it (23993)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Iguana (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML

#20069788
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23347) - you deserved it (4708)

On 09/13/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

#20070700
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29651) - you deserved it (7310)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by blueballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

#20089771
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24072) - you deserved it (2093)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12523) - you deserved it (23932)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

#20071482
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15281) - you deserved it (25379)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML

#20071617
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23416) - you deserved it (1926)

On 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

#20058797
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24846) - you deserved it (2108)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

#20080101
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25787) - you deserved it (5249)

On 09/19/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by ClaireBear150 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

#20053590
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11861) - you deserved it (33058)

On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

#20079219
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28812) - you deserved it (1877)

On 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm - misc - by jitiizer (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

#20068805
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22927) - you deserved it (3251)

On 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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