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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

#20075207
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28888) - you deserved it (3807)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm - love - by painfetish8021 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

#20057214
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28784) - you deserved it (3681)

On 09/04/2012 at 9:51am - misc - by UnknownOperation (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

#20091141
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36275) - you deserved it (2662)

On 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by linn (woman) - United States

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#20066250
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18791) - you deserved it (72670)

On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

#20087243
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16934) - you deserved it (31411)

On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States

Today, I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said, "I thought you died." FML

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23705) - you deserved it (9357)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

#20083352
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27488) - you deserved it (27449)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

#20062873
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42575) - you deserved it (2364)

On 09/08/2012 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

#20054615
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28029) - you deserved it (4643)

On 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

#20068483
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9352) - you deserved it (32127)

On 09/12/2012 at 1:40am - misc - by hahagirl (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

#20084737
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30022) - you deserved it (11635)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML

#20067220
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34642) - you deserved it (2693)

On 09/11/2012 at 3:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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