Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
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Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
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Comments (267)
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
genius_man16 0
you sir, are the winnar
doggylover27 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't get what the big deal is? So your mom wants you to wait until marriage, OOOO SHES SUCH A BITCH! wtf? people, this is a good mom whose trying to protect her daughter. A BAD BITCHY mom would be the mom that comes into your room when you and your boyfriend are having sex and you're like 15 and says , "want anything? margaritas? a condom maybe? ill just leave you 2 alone!" Okay? so OH DEAR GOD! you poor thing, your mother is trying to take care of you!
dan81892 2
i was going to suggest this, but i see someone beat me to it =D
RhythmJester 0
Um, I think a better parent INFORMS children about contraception rather than putting HOLES in the thing that's meant to stop you from getting pregnant.
wizzard_fml 0
@243 Yeah, right... because your average young horny teenagers will be saying "ooh the condoms have holes, let's just hold hands all night..." Or maybe, just maybe, they'll be saying "ooh the condoms have holes, let's have sex just the same but with no protection so, because our mom is soooo smart, we will risk both STD and pregnancy... " Lucky for mom her daughter seems to be smart enough to know what *safe* sex is... If only there were more parents as smart as that daughter! lol... and fhl ;)
crazycornn 0
#243, condoms are protection. by poking holes in condoms she takes the protection away, and they're not going to lay off sex because of broken condoms. Since when is taking away protection protecting? and there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage!! and don't tell me it says it in the bible because that reason is irrelevant, it has no impact on anyone who isn't a devout Christian parent!
IslandLove 0
oh yeah now insted of using a condom she'll have to get plan B. I wonder which one is worse in the eyes of god?? X)
FreddyMustDie 0
1 couldn't agree more
TheWhiteDemon 0
ever wonder maybe mom wants her daughter to get pregnant? just maybe?
Luke1717 0
1 win
charliebitmyfing 0
priceless.
charliebitmyfing 0
ur the bitch...ur probably a mom too. I don't know why ur defending her but her daughter could've used them and gotten pregnant. r u retarded? of course that is not good parenting . it was dangerous and risky u bitch
UnluckyChicka 0
243- I believe the mother should've just told her daughter not to have sex. Because the daughter might just keep having sex. And now she doesn't have any condoms. The mom essentially just took away her daughter's protection from something she might do anyway.
sweetkitty26 0
I have sex with punctured condoms all the time... hey next time just use a balloon or sylo wrap. better yet, use on of those fitting socks they use when u go to the shoe store (: (dnt be dumb enough to try it tho ._.)
mofran 0
your ******* stupid.
mofran 0
your ******* stupid.
tnigz 3
So she is protecting her my makeing her have unsafe sex what a great mom
bettyc4 26
What the mom SHOULD have done is take a pic of her dad's cum face and put it on top of the condoms saying " imagine your father while you use these". Biggest turn off evveerrrr
GhostDuck 30
Mean Girls reference?
Michelle2914 7
I agree! People down voted your comment but it's probably because they don't have god in their life and If they do they apparently don't know what the 10 commandments are!
AestheticGuy 21
Pretty simple, just have sex without the condom and then immediately go buy the morning after pill and take it. Shouldnt have to miss out on sex because of a bitch mother, and first time should be without a condom, just a different form of protection. Should be mandatory for girls to be on the pill when they hit age 15.
Sansa_fml 38
oooh yes she should! that's genius.
wtf_fml 0
haha ******* jesus
LaFlavex 0
what a bitch.
truelyawesome 0
ur a bitch. the mom was being a good mom, and I comend her for it
metalcruton 0
agreed
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
burdenofaday 0
Please move away from your parents as soon as possible. Humanity will thank you for it.
crazycornn 0
win ^^^
PureGold 0
That SUCKS. I feel bad for you :(
djskidd 9
Best. Name. Ev-er.
Karen_fml 0
Ahah #1's idea
Rosinha_fml 0
Just tell her you don't need the condoms as the pill works better... :-)
Drockvp 0
i ******* hate ur mom.. you should just get knocked up lol .... like for real
DenBriZel 31
Are you ******* stupid?
Salzxx 11
Your hatred seems unwarranted...
jayhawk63 0
Thats epic. Where does your mom get these "jesus pins"?