FML : School, Your everyday life stories

Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML

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By mom - / Thursday 26 April 2018 15:00 /

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

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By UnicornPancake - / Wednesday 25 April 2018 15:00 /

Today, my son was expelled from school for bullying. The event in question took place off campus, during spring break, and was a friendly scuff. The iPhone video they used as evidence clearly showed the other boy laughing his head off and both of them sharing a coke afterwards. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 24 April 2018 15:00 /

Today, I was invited to a special meal for receiving a scholarship from my college. My mom refuses to take me because “your sister’s going there too and didn’t get a scholarship; it wouldn’t be fair to her.” I guess fairness doesn’t apply to me. FML

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By Lightlysalted - / Thursday 19 April 2018 19:00 /

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

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By Acu7519 - / Monday 16 April 2018 15:00 /

Today, at work, I heard a child whisper, "Mom, why do that woman's ears look like that?" The mom replied, "Because she's not smart enough for a good job." I have large plug ears and a degree in mechanical engineering. I waitress because no engineering firm will hire me. FML

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You deserved it

By Savingforplasticsurgery - / Saturday 14 April 2018 19:00 /

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

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By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - / Wednesday 11 April 2018 13:00 / United States - Navarre

Today, I found the special needle I needed yesterday for a school biology project. I found it by walking around barefoot at 5 am. FML

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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 11 April 2018 15:00 /

World

Canada

Today, I bumped into my old university roommate. He's now a young retired BlackBerry millionaire. I asked if he saw my resume back in the day. He did, and put it through the shredder. Making out with his girlfriend during senior year was apparently very expensive. FML

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By Bbpoor - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 19:30 / Canada - Waterloo

Today, I owe about $18,000 for a useless degree. Why? I graduated in 2016 from the ITT Technical Institute, a few months before the school shut down for good. The kicker? They misspelled my name on the diploma. FML

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By Imthatfirstguy1 - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 15:00 /

World

United Kingdom

Today, while rushing to school, I hurriedly checked my reflection in a parked car’s window. After a few seconds of patting down my hair, the blacked out window of the car rolled down to reveal a family awkwardly watching. FML

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By Si123 - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

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You deserved it

By Robert - / Friday 6 April 2018 05:00 / United States - North Pole

April Fool

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

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By larry_richard - / Wednesday 4 April 2018 18:00 / United States

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 4 April 2018 01:30 /

Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML

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By notyouraverage - / Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:00 /

World

China

Today I found out my university incorrectly calculated my GPA. The threshold for the Ph.D. scholarship was 2.69, and I had a 2.68, so I did not get the scholarship. My new GPA is 3.34. FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 1 April 2018 01:00 / China - Xiamen

Today, a 6th grader came up to me and told me I have the smallest breasts in the class. I'm their teacher. FML

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By anamanaguchi - / Saturday 31 March 2018 01:30 /

Today, my crush won the bet that I made with him yesterday. The bet? That he couldn't land a date by the end of the day. Not only am I down $10, but a possible boyfriend too. FML

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By Lovers lost... - / Saturday 24 March 2018 19:00 /

shrinks into corner

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

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By Ally - / Saturday 24 March 2018 05:00 /

Today, my best friend, who I've had a crush on for over 2 years, and who I could describe as unattainable, asked me out on a date. It went great and ended with an amazing kiss. Then she texted that she thinks she actually likes girls. She's unattainable, alright. FML

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You deserved it

RipperoniPizza Say more :

OP here. I'm pretty surprised this got published, it's my one and only fml that I've ever made. It's actually a pretty long story, we've kinda both had a thing for each other and actually dated for a very brief time before (never kissed though hence the "amazing" first kiss between us) but she didn't think she was comfortable and decided that maybe we should just stay friends. I was perfectly ok with...

By RipperoniPizza - / Thursday 22 March 2018 23:50 /