Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML
Today, someone broke into my house. They stole my TV, DVD player and a few DVDs. However they only took about 2 out of 100 DVDs. Apparently that's how bad my taste is in movies. FML
Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML
Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house. After hours of trying to break the door, I found out I accidentally left a window open. The door, however, still needs to be replaced. FML
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He'd left, leaving the door kicked in. FML
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Top comments
Peachy2392 26
Ass-bandit?
Kamon97 23
That bastard how else are you gonna watch Disney tapes now? :(
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Comments (130)
Peachy2392 26
Ass-bandit?
Bloink 25
He steals asses
michaelaranda 28
this doesn't really sound like an associated bandit, it seems more like op trying to cover up that HE got rid of the vcr. or it was an ass bandit. sorry about all the ass bandits op.
TheCanucklehead 22
They run about the same... - *takes off glasses in dramatic fashion* 'Dat ass' *steals everything associated with that ass*
BntyHntrSeattle 30
22- leave that to Perdix.
TheCaramelKing 11
Swiggity swoogy I'm coming for that booty.
soccerstar1996 18
I didn't even have to look at the location thing on the FML to know this was in Canada. "The front door was unlocked" was all it took
greeneyebeauty9 28
right. that's a new one.
\ 28
"Ass-" is a prefix used to intensify an adjective or to demonize a noun.
ChevyRedneck85 13
Damn....wish I knew that the front door was open
neeni88 23
Leaving your door open, no matter how "safe" your neighborhood is, is just stupid. Locks are there for a reason - use it - because you never know!! (And yeah, I am also from Canada)
tomgun_fml 16
As a Canadian not true.
LilFlutter 10
B-double O-T-Y, can't get it off my mind!
incoherentrmblr 21
Comes back to kick your door in. Waits until you get a new one, does it again three weeks later...
incoherentrmblr 21
Did he get away in a car that has "assman" for license plate?
JMichael 25
34- you can have it ;)
bandeek 30
I'm American and i leave my front door unlocked.
warriorartemis 11
Yes, as opposed to rump-ranger.
KingreX32 21
yesterday night I feel asleep with the door unlocked all night.
aron666 25
Like one of the Jiggle-butts.
Chumbowamba 10
Ass-Bandit and Crotch-Thief. Break in and make a daring escape! Quick to the ass hole!
someguy314159265 15
45 - I also live in Canada, in a rather peaceful neighbourhood, and I still have enough sense to lock my door at all times. (You can tell I'm from Canada by the way I spelled "neighbourhood".)
justawallflower 27
Umm...he obviously robs booties.
Perry85 42
GAH REALLY #93!?!?!?!?!?!
alligator729 15
Ass-bandit. I like it.
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
One of the many reasons I love FML. I get to learn new insults every day!
Ki11erC 18
Ass bandit is old, come out from your rock.
alligator729 15
You're being an ass-bandit. Go back under yours.
Kamon97 23
That bastard how else are you gonna watch Disney tapes now? :(
MasqueradePrince 25
I have VHS tapes... Just not a player for them...
linyah 11
go to goodwill?
MasqueradePrince 25
I couldn't find any the last few times I went...
linyah 11
really? they have tons where I live o3o
sierramist94XD 4
DVD or online? get creative here :p
MasqueradePrince 25
I would steal a VHS player... But I would check the doors first...
lilpsyco 16
I would pay you to take my VHS player. It has less value than a door stop at this point.
incoherentrmblr 21
To hell with VHS, time to bring Beta Max back.
KK3137 31
But if he had gone through the front door she definitely would not believe you that it was stolen..
\ 28
#96 Stop living in 1989! Beta is DEAD and VHS is where it's at.
CelticReverie 5
Why the heck would she blame you o.o?
Angelrose2004 17
Maybe because he wanted to throw it away and she wouldn't let him. Hence, why she would think that he set it up to be stolen.
CelticReverie 5
That makes sense. Heck, bitches be crazy nowadays...assuming OP would set up a whole robbery, whilst breaking a window, just to get rid of the damn thing O.o
JACKxRAWR 22
I'm more worried about how poor their home security is.
Infamous_Tora 12
NOT THE VHS!! What has this world come to?!
ruckfules85 34
So your FML is that he broke the window and not how much trouble your gonna be in with your wife lol.
SarMarJo 17
Ass-bandit is a wonderful word. That really does suck, OP. I once had someone break into my house to steal cookies and ramen noodles. Look on the bright side, at least they only took that! Hopefully it doesn't cost too much to replace the window.
skyttlz 32
My house has been broken into but they took the wii, my moms iPad, jewelry, and cash.
SarMarJo 17
That's very unfortunate. Punk ass ass-bandits.
Frostie13 11
so I think it was probably some very confused potheads that went in and took ur cookies and ramen lol
Al3xv3l92 24
He did you a favor well except for the window.
wowlolreally 12
It was a hipster heist
riddenhopes 13
That was my first thoughts on this one!