Dad jokes and Miscellaneous: Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep....

By mags - 16/02/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said, "See you in a decade." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 416

You deserved it 6 815

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 20:00 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad "What's up?" He casually replied: "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 004

You deserved it 3 024

By beautyschool22 - 11/06/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 557

You deserved it 3 273

By suze44 - 13/06/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 823

You deserved it 5 281

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 916

You deserved it 35 946

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 525

You deserved it 11 122

By anonymous - 22/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 900

You deserved it 2 544

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 211

You deserved it 6 232

By tooearly - 01/01/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 996

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 23:07 - United States - Auberry

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 712

You deserved it 13 245

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 750

You deserved it 3 744

bobdole 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

that was funny, but a simple joke. your life is not effed, don't worry.

Amkii 0

Monday 16 February 2009 17:13

LOL! Your dad rocks.

Comments

bobdole 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

that was funny, but a simple joke. your life is not effed, don't worry.

Peilin 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

lol humorous dad

Melody_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:53

ddddddaaaaaaamn that would annoy me. but i guess it'd depend on his tone of voice. coulda been strait up joke. my dads called me gay before, when i said somethin bout it he was like gay means happy!! ha i wasnt too happy then

Amkii 0

Monday 16 February 2009 17:13

LOL! Your dad rocks.

greenman_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 18:01

at least you don't have to worry about incest.

Speech_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 18:33

#7 you should stop being friends with that melodramatic idiot forthwith.

SadinSherman 16

Thursday 18 November 2010 8:09

Agreed what a drama queen

greenfairy_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 19:03

maybe he just meant you looked really tired?

carriealana 0

Monday 16 February 2009 21:10

I second #12. Obviously a joke and nothing to get your panties in a wad over.

Seegtease 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 0:46

#11 needs to lighten up. He was being funny. Jokes are that way, not always meant to be taken seriously.

AliSama 17

Sunday 22 February 2009 20:30

reply "at least it isn't till when hell freezes over, like you dad"

Keywords

Work Awkward Parents Relatable Job interview Facebook Social Media Love Jealousy Relationship advice Friends Kids AITA Shoes Annoying Roommate Music Names Customers Education Capitalism Money Gamers Weird Bodyshaming Coworkers Landlords Dogs Allergies Singing

The Top

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street, because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughter's ballet class, I got pulled over two blocks away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 797

You deserved it 118 529

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 136

You deserved it 72 915

The Top

Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 084

You deserved it 3 911

Today, my roommate pressed "snooze" on his alarm 14 times. I counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 271

You deserved it 2 633

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 430

You deserved it 405

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 997

You deserved it 3 797

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 000

You deserved it 29 522

Today, I rolled my ankle, got pink eye, and have the flu. Unable to stand long enough to cook myself a meal, I opted for delivery. When I opened the door for the delivery boy, he backed away frantically with his arms up upon seeing me. Apparently, I look just as shitty as I feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 024

You deserved it 1 945

Same thing different taste

Thanks, I hate it

Top comments

Comments