Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34301) - you totally deserved it (4599)
On 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm - misc - by hungryman (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
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Do not break up with her!!! At my school, someone broke up with a girl like and a week later she committed suicide. Its your choice on whether you want to live with someones death on your conscious for the rest of your life. Just be careful how you handle it, but seriously FYL!!
#33 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:22pm by MrSarcastic
If she is stupid enough to kill herself over a guy, let her. You dont have to be with her if you dont want to be.
#43 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:31pm by I_Piss_Glitter
You're not responsible for her actions.
I've seen people threaten suicide if their boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with them,
it's manipulative and a form of emotional blackmail #33.
He shouldn't be forced to stay with and be responsible for someone who can't take care of themselves.
It is not his fault if she's so unstable she does something unfortunate, only someone who
doesn't like taking personal responsibility for their own actions would think so.
There's a difference between being supportive and staying in an unhealthy relationship in which
the other person's happiness is completely reliant upon the condition of having a partner.
That's not love, that's obsession.
#56 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:48pm by Emrysa
just like... make her not like you anymore.
do everything that turns her off, and soon enough she will dump you.
MrSarcastic I really hope youre being sarcastic with that response. OP should definitely break up with this girl because if he doesnt do it now he'll eventually get fed up and do it later and only hurt her more. Or should he just stay with her forever out of fear of her killing herself?
Besides, her happiness is not his responsibility. If she is really that depressed and suicidal (and honestly most teenagers claim to be suicidal just for attention) then she needs to resolve her issues and not use another person as a crutch. Real depression is not solved with a happy relationship, so I just have a hard time believing this girl is truly depressed...being emo does not equate depression.
For the OP, I would talk to her family and let them know that you arent happy in the relationship and are planning on breaking up that way they can be prepared and properly deal with her. They are her family and they need to look after her and get her the help she needs if she is really depressed. Your only obligation to this girl is not to lie to her and stay with her out of fear.
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"suicidal just for attention"?
i dont know if you've ever felt that way, but its sure not for attention.
ive been that way, and it was NOT for attention. i wouldnt tell anyone, and its really something hard to get over
so get your foot out of your mouth and keep it shut =)
I think you missed the *claim* part. from personal experience, the people who say they're depressed and suicidal are usually doing it for attention. the ones who really are depressed and or suicidal tend to not talk about it.
#104 - On 07/14/2009 at 11:40pm by sashaingreyscale
yeah and the mom was the one who told him right? not the gf? which kinda just makes the situation worseee if the dude didn't know that she was suicidal or depressed before....
#118 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:42am by allylalala
whats the deal with you heart less cunt bitches? he should care about her. fuck all you guys i hope that you alll die veryyyy slowly and painfully
#156 - On 07/15/2009 at 9:21am by 123sploosh
yeah, be there for her. that last thing you would want on ur conscience is a dead girl. don't get married per say, but try to be there at least as friends
#187 - On 07/16/2009 at 3:48am by thecoralreef731
WTF 33! I was in a relationship with a suicidal girl who kept cheating on me but I couldn't dump her cause I cared and I was scared that she will kill herself. That is just emotional abuse and no one should have to put up with it. Its their problem, not yours.
Rethink it? Why? If she is stupid enough to kill herself over a man, let her. We don't need anymore of her populating our world. He shouldn't force himself to be with her just because she is like that. Nobody should ever feel forced to stay with someone for any reason.
To the OP, man up and don't be retarded. I hate when people say they are "planning" on breaking up. WHY WAIT?!
Haha that reminded me of nike. Just do it. I agree though. Op should do it. Maybe she realizes life is worth living now and her happiness isn't based on him.
So what's your plan, #42? He should just stay with this girl BECAUSE she's crazy? You're a stupid shit, you know that? OP should definitely just do it. All this incident is is evidence that he shouldn't wait until next week
#114 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:25am by ForestFire0
#114, While #42 Could Have Written A Plan, How Is He A Stupid Shit For Actually Caring For The Girl's Feelings? Now I Would Be Stuck Too, I Don't Want To Be Responsible For Suicide, But I Don't Want To Be With Someone I Don't Like!
#163 - On 07/15/2009 at 11:03am by thtnerdykid
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easy, don't break up with her.
#5 - On 07/14/2009 at 8:56pm by todayiwroteafml
That's like saying "easy, stay with a girl you don't like for the rest of your life. Be married, have kids, and be miserable" then HE will be the one that's depressed and suicidal... so what now?
#147 - On 07/15/2009 at 4:16am by doggylover27
lmfao, I love your default pic, Cock XD
To the OP, Ouch. :( Maybe warn her parents that you're gonna break up with her and suggest counseling...idk. Good luck, you're pretty much screwed!
#54 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:46pm by ily_hun996
Yes, one sound advice. Discuss it with mum first! And, whilst that is among your future plans, perhaps don't do it just "within that week". Try to make her distance herself from you. Also, asking a professional about how to deal with it will do no harm.
awh, well if she's not the one then you have to break up with her:(
that sucks though man
#8 - On 07/14/2009 at 8:58pm by getfighted
Wow...That's a mind fuck for sure. The fact that you thought about it tells me you are a good person. You have to do what's best for you though. You can keep her as a friend and support her.
You can't be responsible for someone else's happiness. Don't be in the relationship if you don't want to. Sucks, but that's life.
This x1000. Do not stay in this relationship because you feel guilty for the girl. It isn't good for either of you.
You cannot be held responsible for this girl's happiness. If anything, she needs some serious help, not a relationship.
Be there for her as a friend, and make sure she has plenty of support, but do not let yourself be guilted into staying in an unhappy relationship.
If you still wanna break up with her you should really rethink your motives (why you want to break up with her in the first place) and explain it delicately to her instead of doing it fast via text or phone call. Or, maybe you can just give it a couple of weeks and see how it goes? Hope it all works out for you and her.
#11 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:02pm by balkangiirl
My brother's ex was clinically depressed. It sucks, but you just have to let her know that this isn't working for you anymore. Let her down as gently as possible, and try to make sure she has a support group. Be there as a friend, if possible, though it will probably take some time before you two can just be friends. Let her heal from the breakup, but offer to be there to help her with any other problems she may have.
Go over reasons why you wanna break up with her. If you still want to by then, go through with it, as you aren't responsible for someone else's happiness.
#13 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:03pm by infest0125
wow that really sucks to be put into a position like that. if you want to without affecting her, try to somehow make her break up with you
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um well n0w dont cuz then shell kill her self.. dont be an asshole. give her sex .. or just stay with her, make it right man :/
#15 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:05pm by inspireme48
Well that would be an extremely idiotic thing to do.
He shouldn't have to stay with the girl just because she happens to be emotionally unstable. He should not have to sacrifice his happiness for her.
why end it? it sounds like you're doing something right. not all relationships are going to work out that way.
break up with her then quickly buy a ticket to Mexico, grow a goatee, change your name to Pablo Náina, and join the Mexican mob. for extra insurance, try working at burger king. good luck soldier!
#17 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:07pm by epicFAIL_Sometim
Ok yes you are not responsible for other people's happiness, but in this case you are the main reason why your girlfriend is happy. If you take that away from her, she's gonna slip into depression again and the family is gonna blame you for that. Take this into consideration before you make your decision.
#18 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:08pm by timberM618
This is silly. If he doesn't love her and doesn't want to be with her than he doesn't need to take anything into consideration and should break up with her. However he should let the family know beforehand, maybe her best friends if he knows them, to make sure someone is watching her closely and can get her PROFESSIONAL help if needed.
And to #127 penizulaface: yea, but if someone has clinical depression with a very high risk of suicide and it becomes treatment resistent then they should be in some kind of facility where they are being monitored at all times...
If he doesn't love her, he doesn't love her. Still caring about her is one thing, but staying with her just because she can't deal with her life? In the long run he'd probably get depressed himself...
#170 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:41pm by Puolukka
Lol you shouldn't feel sorry for her , life is life deal with it
#19 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:10pm by painislife
get her an account on match.com or something. the commercials are so convincing! she'll find someone new in a week or you get your money back!!
Your gf probably saw it coming and told her mom
Hmm there's some evil people out there idkk
#22 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:12pm by TanksToYou
Well that's a new one.
Just think it over, and if you aren't sure what to do, try asking a counselor or something.
borderlines don't make good mates. if it's not you that pushes her over the edge it will be that bitch linda that she works with. try to be nice about it so hopefully you're not the one who sends her into the downward spiral.
I'm sorry :( that happened to me with an ex-boyfriend of mine; he was a real dick, and when I was planning to break up with him he dropped that bomb on me. I dumped him two weeks later anyway because it wasn't a healthy relationship as he was showing the usual patterns of becoming abusive. I can assure you now that he's still alive and kicking two years later. Just think it over carefully, and try a counselor if you need it as someone suggested. Best of luck, OP, that's no fun :( but it'll work out.
#26 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:17pm by tenthmuse
I hate it when people do this. You aren't responsible for her actions. This is fucking emotional blackmail. If you don't want to be in a relationship with her, then don't. Don't let bullshit like that stop you. But, there's no reason you can't be gentle about it.
#28 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:19pm by Ianslilgoofball
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Well, if I were you, I wouldn't break up with her. If she was suicidal before you started dating her, don't break up with her. If you did, you would partly be responsible for the suicide if she commits it.
#36 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:25pm by kennythedude
I actually feel DUMBER for having read this comment.
That's the absolute most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. How, in any way, shape or form, is he even remotely responsible for her suicide if he leaves her? If he was beating her and raping her and she killed herself, I could understand. But if she was "depressed" before all this and he left her, why in the world should he be accountable for her death?
OP, you should NEVER sacrifice your happiness for that of another's. You may feel like you're helping, but think- If she ever finds out (if you choose to stay with her) that you only stayed out of guilt and you never actually loved her, don't you think that'll only exacerbate things?
#151 - On 07/15/2009 at 8:48am by rayrayy
Start getting freaky during sex - tell her you have a bunch of weird fetishes (the safe word is GERBIL). Once you tell her you want to take a crap on her while she fingers herself, she'll be out of there in a flash!!!
#40 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:29pm by skullbuster
Hahahhshahahahahhahshsajahauahuaahahauahauau funny as heeell
#41 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:30pm by person1000003
And your point is ? dump them anyway you got your life they have theirs , that's life !
#44 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:31pm by teebonehead
ouch. if you like or love her (or ever did) talk to her mom first and try to back out of the relationship slowly as possible.
Ouch. You don't HAVE to stay with her, you know, since there's no point in you faking happiness with her just for the possibility that she won't commit suicide. If you decide you're truly unhappy with her and it just won't work out, make sure you explain to her all the reasons you want to break up calmly and clearly. Don't be rude, or insensitive about it at all, or you might just push her over the edge.
And if she does commit suicide, well, don't feel too bad about it. Its her own fault completely for going that far.
#49 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:41pm by Fire_lights
OP, that sucks that they put you in that kind of position (without knowing it), but if she doesn't make you happy, break up with her. The worst thing you could do is stay with someone out of pity or because you 'feel sorry for them.' You gotta do what you gotta do, right? Unfortunate for her, though.
Plus, I don't get the whole "I'll break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend NEXT week." Why not just do it when the thought occurs (granted, you're absolutely sure it what you want to do)? Procratinators...or undecisive people. Oh well.
#52 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:45pm by AdorableLikeMe
Since you sound like a kid, you need to talk to an adult. Let them know what is going on. Once you inform someone else (your parents especially) you will not be at all responsible if something happens to her after you break up. Whatever happens is not your fault. You are not expected to stay with her forever (no one can force you to). Don't let guilt keep you in the relationship because in the long run it's not healthy for either of you. I would recommend getting some counseling because this is a serious thing and it could cause problems for you down the road, particularly if something does happen to her. I wish you the best and hope that it all turns out well.
Oprah, is that you? Awww shit, this doesn't sound like Oprah... Dr Phil, buddy, are you taking that fake Ph.D out for a spin again?? You guys need to stop using pseudonyms or save this shit for the television show!
#83 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:28pm by skullbuster
...the fuck, Skullbuster??
OP: If you don't want to be with her, you shouldn't be. Staying in a relationship that you feel forced to be in will only poison it and make it grow steadily worse for both of you. That as it may be, there's a gentle way to do it - try talking to her family beforehand, and when the time comes to actually do the deed, be as supportive and gentle as you can without giving ground. List her strengths, and tell her everything she's done right both before and after you talk about her weaknesses and what she's done wrong.
#160 - On 07/15/2009 at 10:16am by regalarius
*blink* Probably not. I'm not really a girl, I just play one in video games :-)
#175 - On 07/15/2009 at 5:25pm by regalarius
my girlfriend knew I was depressed and she broke up with me cuz if it
#57 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:49pm by bobertbarker
20: is that your escape plan? You seem to know it pretty well.
OP: find a way to get her to let you go. If not then just let her off reeeeeal easy. This is a delicate situation and must be handled as such.
#59 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:50pm by GothamKnight
You are not responsible for her actions. If she was that bad before she met you, her family should have gotten her help. Tell her mom you're going to break up with her (so her family can be aware and watch her) and just do it.
LOL The ad next to me says, "Turn Offs That Make Him Leave"
#63 - On 07/14/2009 at 9:54pm by xxXChiiXxx
Better to do it now than just string her along, only to reveal months down the line that you'd been planning to break up with her the whole time. It stings even worse knowing how long those hugs, kisses, and smiles have been insincere.
You are not responsible for her happiness or her actions. Do what's best for you. Her life is ultimately her responsibility. It's a shitty situation for you to be in, but if you are genuinely unhappy in the relationship, you are beholden to yourself first.
#66 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:03pm by deaditegirl
Why should he ruin his life over hers? He should just make the breakup easier on her.. If she chooses to commit suicide, that's her choice and you're not responsible for her actions.. If your stupid enough to keep going on with this relationship if you're unhappy, it will lead to marriage because she thinks you love her, and you will be the one planning on killing yourself.. >.
wow.. that sucks :(
Just make sure that you really want to break up with her, because if you think you might be able to work it out, you should :) If not, then try to do it really carefully.. and maybe talk to an adult first.. ? But remember that if she was depressed before she met you, then it's not your fault if she gets depressed again.. she probably never got over it.
#70 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:13pm by faceless99
Do not let anyone tell you that you HAVE to stay with her or you HAVE to break up with her. All I can suggest is this: listen to your heart, no matter what it tells you. If it says 'break up with her,' I suggest you listen. You can't live your life miserably just because she has issues. If she truly wants to live, your being with her or not should not really affect her.
#66 - I completely agree! Thank you!!
You have to decide if you are going to be a decent human being and help her through a tough time.
Dumping her is not the right thing, but neither is stringing her along. Tell her you are feeling confused about the relationship and need time to think things through, but you should still hang out with her.
#72 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:13pm by I_am_stupid_also
stfu #2. Her mental problems don't dictate your life. You can't be miserable with her forever, and if she kills herself it's not your fault. Mental illness is a disease. That would be like if you broke up with a woman that had cancer, and the cancer killed her and people blamed you. Nope. The illness did. I'd say try and help her to get the mental help and medication she needs before you do it though, and be as gentle as you can be when you do. FYL
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All you right wing, cracked out dickshits who think he should break up with her read this:
1. ever thought her suicidal intentions were because she was single?
2. You tell the OP to do it, yet don't know what's in store.
3. And he may be her type. Why should he get her someone else?
If he breaks up with her, she'll be dead the next day, and her parents will press charges on him for premeditational murder. I dont really say this stuff or act nice because I'm a cross sided freakazoid but seriously take time to consider this moment!Think before you post morons.
and OP. keep the relationship. plan out a time to talk to her, find what she really wants, and you'll be fine.
#75 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:17pm by cannibalcorpseXD
Seriously? Wow. Having been there, I can tell you that people arent suicidal because they are single. They may think that being in a relationship will make things better, but honestly it just becomes another crutch. Suicide is indicative of a serious MENTAL ILLNESS and this girl needs to get help for it. Certainly more help than the OP can give her. And you aren't considering that the OP is unhappy in this relationship. Why should he continue to suffer? So what if he's her type. She obviously isnt his.
And in case you're wondering, I was dumped during a time in my life when I was very depressed and close to suicide. It didn't kill me. It made me move on, get help, and get the hell over myself. Being depressed in not attractive. I wasn't attractive when I was, and I dont find it attractive in others. I'd much rather date someone who has their shit together.
and just as a last note, learn about the legal system before you comment on it. it's premeditated murder. not premeditational. Which is besides the point, because there wouldnt be any grounds for a suit.
#110 - On 07/14/2009 at 11:52pm by sashaingreyscale
@ 75 are you young and never been in a relationship, or are you just retarded? I hope you are retarded. Who cares if she kills herself its not his problem. Who would want to be with some idiot crazy dumpster cunt like that anyway?
#166 - On 07/15/2009 at 11:52am by donkey_hang_down
I've been in a relationship before assfuck. tahts to donkey hang down
#195 - On 07/17/2009 at 10:23pm by cannibalcorpseXD
HAHAHA, you sound upset... Why are you so definsive? Are you sure you have been in a relationship? I was really hoping that you where "challenged" at least you would have an excuse for being a complete moron.
#197 - On 07/20/2009 at 1:06pm by donkey_hang_down
All you right wing, cracked out dickshits who think he should break up with her read this:
1. ever thought her suicidal intentions were because she was single?
2. You tell the OP to do it, yet don't know what's in store.
3. And he may be her type. Why should he get her someone else?
If he breaks up with her, she'll be dead the next day, and her parents will press charges on him for premeditational murder. I dont really say this stuff or act nice because I'm a cross sided freakazoid but seriously take time to consider this moment!Think before you post morons.
and OP. keep the relationship. plan out a time to talk to her, find what she really wants, and you'll be fine.
#76 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:17pm by cannibalcorpseXD
And think even harder when you are going to post the same high-handed bullshit post TWICE!!!
Incidentally, what does 'right wing' have to do with anything. I wasn't aware this was a socio-political discussion.
#84 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:29pm by skullbuster
Sorry for posting tat comment twice my server's a pile of shit.
#88 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:48pm by cannibalcorpseXD
um ok that's a little harsh. i don't think the parents would have the right to press charges against him. first of all, the mom coming up to say what she said to him, even though she meant it it as a genuine 'thank you' puts a lot of pressure on him. even if he wasn't thinking of breaking up with her, i'm pretty sure he was quite surprised to learn such facts about his girlfriend and it would've put a lot of pressure on him to keep 'maintaining' his girlfriends happiness even if he wasn't thinking of breaking up wit her cause he'd be freaked that she'd kill herself.
it's not fair for him to stay with the girl just because he's been given this new responsibility of making her happy.
#89 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:49pm by crackberrie
you need to change your amount of drugs. I don't know for sure whether you need more or less, but the current amount is clearly incorrect.
A relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with her, particularly between two teenagers, is not going to cure her depression. It gives her something to fixate on, to ignore how she feels as a baseline.
You were not the cause of her original depression, she needs to work on those original factors before she can be happy with herself. You can't really be happy with another person unless you're already happy with yourself. The relationship will become too much of her depending on you for her own emotional stability.
It's not your responsibility to stay with her, and anything that she decides to do after you leave is not your fault in the least. I might talk to her parents about getting her counseling, but they should understand your position. Dating a clinically depressed person can be very difficult.
i definitely agree with #74. be gentle when you break up with her, but still do it; otherwise you're staying in a relationship out of guilt and it'll end up worse for the both of you. what do you think's more depressing-- being broken up with or being told that your partner stayed with you because he felt sorry for you?
awww sad thats how i am with my now as of yesterday ex boyfriend....i am sooooooo sad without him dont do it i mean try it out for like another month at least. :( sad sad sad but hey shit happens wen u party naked
i think i have a solution, find someone who likes her, get them to hit on her a lot, then break up with her or wait until she leaves you for that person, just so she has a boyfriend afterwords, then you can be friends with her.
#93 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:52pm by shadow_moses
although i do agree wit #78 that is sooooo tru cus i woulda been more depressed if i found out that!!!!
that definitely happened to me with my last girl friend. i hope you can explain your reasoning for breaking up with her really well, or it won't end well.
#95 - On 07/14/2009 at 10:55pm by theycallmecarl
Only thing you can do. Kill her and make it look like a suicide. Think about it.
#96 - On 07/14/2009 at 11:08pm by christopherlove
At least you know the influence you had on a person's life. Let her off easy.
#97 - On 07/14/2009 at 11:08pm by dberri05
If you are gonna break up with her for a valid reason then do it. But try to work things out? Poor girl!
#98 - On 07/14/2009 at 11:21pm by crookedteeth
I've been there, man. My ex-girlfriend was fucked up before she met me. Now she's fucked up in a different way. Go figure.
she is probably just doing it to either control you/manipulate you or for attention, yes people do use it as an attention getter, its funny how it works, usually the kids who are suicidal don't talk about it, the ones that do are just doing it for sympathy or so people will talk to them, its not that uncommon that people use something such as suicide or drugs/alcohol to get attention from others.
I'd say break up with her, I had an ex do the same thing to me "if you ever left me I would kill myself" or the "before you came along I wanted to kill myself, but now that your here, I don't" in some respects its to make it look like they are so happy with you that they think "oh maybe if I tell them if they left I would die that might make them go hmmm he really loves me" some people are just weird in expressing there emotions.
besides you don't need that kind of drama in your life if thats the case.
I agree with you, but this girl is probably legit. After all, SHE DIDN'T tell anyone about it, her mom did. Even still, a fake relationship isn't healthy for either of them.
ccyto, I was in a relationship a lot like this. It was extremely emotionally draining and led me to almost snap. The funny part is, I'm not kidding about that last part.
@OP: Dump her. NOW. The one that did it to me threatened the same thing and never did it. In fact, she got another boyfriend not even 2 days later. So much for being so in LOOOOVE with me.
#105 - On 07/14/2009 at 11:45pm by DeathShad0
If you don't like her anymore, then you should break up with her. In my oppinion, i'd rather be with someone who actually likes me, not because they feel sorry for me. Let her down easy and tell her how great she; tell her you know she'll find someone better and he'd be real lucky to have her and that you hope you guys can still be good friends. Oh, and if she really likes you then she'd do anything for you right? Ask her to promise you one thing.. not to do anything stupid while you're gone. But like you said, shes changed. Who knows, maybe she won't go back to the way she was before she met you. Good luck though :)
#106 - On 07/14/2009 at 11:46pm by liivelaughlovee
Rule #1 of a breakup. As much as you WANT to care you put yourself first. Its not your job after that to take care of their happiness. We can all hope she'll pull through but it really should be her, or her family to seek help for her.
Well if she really wanted to kill herself don't you think she would have done it before going out with you i say follow your heart make your decision and dont look back.
#113 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:20am by nightmare22
Why should we pity you? You're an asshole that doesn't want anything good in his life.
#115 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:27am by thisisnotagame
Ah, so you know them both personally, do you? And she's a real winner? And he's a complete douche for wanting to be just as "happy" as her, right? Thank God you were here, we were all under the misconception that people like you were retarded. Thanks for clarifying.
#152 - On 07/15/2009 at 8:56am by rayrayy
everyone who sas not to break up with your, your intentions are good, but your wrong. the OP should not feel like he must keep the relationship going because his girlfriend was suicidal. break up with her, but do it gently. tell her that you will still be close friends, and make sure to offer to help her get through watever hard times she is having. if you try your hardest to help her, no guilt is on you no matter wat happens. staying with someone you do not love because you feel you have to doesnt solve anything... it probably just makes things worse
#116 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:31am by bnisawsome
I agree with bnisawsome. I went through a very similar situation two years ago. You should not feel obligated to stay with her. Yes it will be a tough breakup for her but she will get through it. Staying with her because of this will just make things worse because you will feel like the relationship is a burden.
just break up with her >-> but introduce her to other people. halp her out. panzy.
#121 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:52am by spamtastic404
Don't let her mental problems prevent you from pursuing your own happiness. Don't stay with her at your own expense to preserve her fragile mental state. At the very most, get her into counseling before you dump her, and it might be a good idea to let her down extra gently due to her fragile mental state, but if you've already made the decision to dump her then you should follow through.
#122 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:53am by Kristoffer
dump her GENTLY, but make sure you're still friends afterwards. because if you date her too long and get too serious, she'll eventually ask you when you're going to propose. it happened to my cousin and he had to dump her and she jacked his car...oh that was a mess...
#124 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:56am by triplethreat13
It does suck for you, but you kinda deserve it? Who waits ("planning") to dump someone. Just get it done with properly.
There's a chance that your girlfriend knew, and told her mom, so she'd help with keeping you in the game.
#129 - On 07/15/2009 at 1:10am by uberchicken
Thats harsh. I use to be super depressed and had a suicidal thought here and there and that would hurt alot. But seriously, if you dont like her, it hurts more to stay and lie.
#130 - On 07/15/2009 at 1:13am by AngelMuerte
Ouch, thats a real FML. PRESSURE! Well, at least you know you're not the only one who goes through this sort of thing.
Good luck!
#131 - On 07/15/2009 at 1:18am by airplanefood
How is he a jerk if he wanted to break up with her?!
His reasons for breaking up with her doesn't make him a jerk.
#136 - On 07/15/2009 at 2:14am by Stephnesss
he's not a jerk for wanting to break up. It's not spasificly because she's depressed. He didnt know that yet.
#161 - On 07/15/2009 at 10:27am by AngelMuerte
Ugh, not this suicide shit again.
A dude from my school killed himself over a girl. I don't know the whole story, I didn't care that much (I didn't know the dude that much, I had played soccer with him a few times), and I wasn't going to question people as well.
@OP: Just break up with her. If she kills herself or not, not your fault. The family will end up confronting you with the break up anyways.
#134 - On 07/15/2009 at 1:41am by loooooooooool
EVERYONE has secrets.
http://itsasecretbut.tumblr.com/
http://itsasecretbut.tumblr.com/
http://itsasecretbut.tumblr.com/
http://itsasecretbut.tumblr.com/
http://itsasecretbut.tumblr.com/
http://itsasecretbut.tumblr.com/
#137 - On 07/15/2009 at 2:22am by uLtra_attitude
Ummm I smell a plot being cooked up to keep u with her. But either way, this is ur liscence to act like an asshole and get her to break up with u
A few years ago I was in a bad relationship. I was in a similar position you are in right now, hungryman. We stayed together for almost two years even though I wanted to end the relationship six months or so after we started dating. I didn't because I was afraid she would become too emotionally and mentally unbalanced once we broke up; I was afraid of that because that's what she told me (not in so many words though.) Long story short, despite her claim that we were soul mates and she couldn't live without me in her life she broke up with me and now we barely talk. She's OK - she has her new life. The point I'm trying to say is even though you feel far too responsible for someone's life, doesn't mean anything bad will happen if your role shifts. Even though you may think the worst will happen with your girlfriend because of her recent past, doesn't mean she will actually become totally unglued. However, there are a lot of resources out there for suicidal and depressed people. if you feel you are trapped in your relationship because she's been depressed and suicidal doesn't mean you really are. Sorry if this is redundant in any way. It's almost 4 AM right now.
#141 - On 07/15/2009 at 3:24am by halfglassfull
umm... she shouldn't really look for you to make her totally happy. o_o;;
i think she has some problems with herself.
You shouldn't have to be depended on for someones complete happiness. Know that, you should get her some help then tell her nicely you'd like to brake up. You have your happiness to worry about, shouldn't have to do something you realy don't want to live with for someone that just needs a little help in life.
This is an fml..
Sorry to hear=(
#146 - On 07/15/2009 at 4:13am by _unwritten_xox
Not your fault she has emotional problems. It's not your responsibility to stay with her just to make her feel better.
On the other hand, it might be a good idea to see what you can do to work out your problems. If you still need to break up with her then try to be as nice about it as possible. Not sure how effective that would be though.
you wanted to break up with her before for your own reasons, unless those reasons were something like "she's just TOO happy!"(which i seriously doubt), you should still do it. you need yourself far more than you need her. don't let it bother you, she might get "sad" again for a while and try to guilt you but i doubt she'll really do anything too drastic to herself. even if she does, don't let it bother you. don't bother rethinking shit or trying to work it out. she needs to get herself in order before she can have a partener. it's not healthy for her to depend so much on you, you're human, anything could happen to you and she'll have to stand on her own anyway. might as well give her a little push in the right direction. life isnt always kind.
#154 - On 07/15/2009 at 9:14am by ixel
I know how you feel dude!
I broke up with my boyfriend for a year,
he got all depressed and did bad stuff.
Finally we got back together and his mum,
while we were in the car were like 'I'm so glad you guys got back together! He was talking about suicide and I was tempted to send him to his dads (who lives in a different state)"
So when I didn't want to be with him anymore, I was like "oh... great."
But were together... again (LOL - three years on and off) so I guess its alright.
As for you, Totally not your fault!
x
#155 - On 07/15/2009 at 9:15am by greenalfoil
She may be serious, dramatic, or unstable. But, you can't stay with someone because they threaten to harm themselves. Though, the proactive and moral thing to do would be to inform close friends or family members so someone else can keep an eye on the situation. Nobody wants to be part of the story where the family didn't know there were suicidal threats until after someone proved they meant it!
#157 - On 07/15/2009 at 9:35am by teeone34
break up with her if it's what you really want... and don't bother with the friends bull shit, it only makes things worse
speaking as someone who is around nineteen months into a depressive episode and seven into a relationship;
depression is a mental illness. it screws with your head completely; and to that fucker who said if she really was suicidal she would have done something, fuck you. i am currently suicidal - eventually i told my counsellor about it and thus the means through which i had planned to commit suicide with (something that happens a lot with depressives...) have been taken away. i desperately do want to do it - which, to those who have never been truly suicidal, probably sounds stupid - but lifes a struggle and a hard piece of shit right now.
the reason why people who are suicidal sometimes dont act on it is because there is emotional and logical thinking - depression affects you biologically and emotionally mainly, but it can also affect logic quite a lot. that being said, i FEEL like i really want to die, to end it, whatever, but i KNOW that people dont think suicide is a good thing to urm.. do for a reason. and i KNOW that im sick right now, but when i am better i wont think like that.
now onto my relationship;
i only informed my boyfriend six months in of my depression; its something that i feel guilty and ashamed of but i could see that the way i acted and felt and thought was affecting him a little... and a couple of times i have had to call him just to distract myself from suicidal thinking. something that i really dont want to do, but i KNOW that i should.
where the end of the relationship is concerned, i think i would care more if i wasnt depressed actually.
why? because i see everything negatively now anyway. its hard to believe that he loves me or even finds me attractive, but i love him with everything i've got... depression stops you caring about a lot, but i care about him more than he can ever know. and his happiness is far more important to me than mine; if this girl really loved him, she would rather he be happy. and if she were truly depressed, a boyfriend would not take that away. yes, i love mine - he makes me feel less... alone. and its a reason to get out of bed in the morning. but i know not to rely on people because they will probably never be permanent. im not going to let myself believe that we are always and foreverr and this great disney fairytale - and i know that breakups are painful and can be hard to cope with - but the human brain is programmed to fall in love many times over a lifetime, and guys, well... just are rarely the kind that want to be with you forever. but i get to be with him for now and he wont tell me anything other than that he is happy with me (yup unfortunately im the jealous type... i try not to be. i get that its stupid and unnecessary.)
but its nice to have him to help me through this.
basically; the guy should tell her honestly, and if she truly cares for him, she will want him to be happy more than anything else. if she is really depressed, he can't take that away.
sorry for that "little" speach gays.
btw "cock", i think im in love with you.
#162 - On 07/15/2009 at 10:56am by penizulaface
Dude, after you break up with her, its not your problem anymore. Who cares about her family, unless you are daiting them too. Fuck it, she seems psyco, just let her do it.
#164 - On 07/15/2009 at 11:42am by donkey_hang_down
This is a pretty bad situation, OP. I think if anything you should inform your parents first and calmly tell them your reason for wanting a break up (assuming it's not too harsh of a reason). Obviously, you still do care about how she feels if you are simply considering her suicidal and depression issues. All I know is that if you were to stay with her, it wouldn't make you happy and she would only become more and more attached to you as you become more and more unhappy with the relationship. You can't go and just drag on a relationship just because you don't want to hurt the person (I've done that before, and trust me I regret it and want my time back).
As for this girl's issue, I used to be extremely depressed back in high school, and even acted like this girl by being clingy and relying on a boyfriend for happiness. Fortunately, I've managed to get a better thinking system into myself, I still have my episodes, but I can't stay upset forever. I think when this break up does happen, still try to be there for her as a friend so it's like she doesn't have to feel alone. Eventually, as time goes on, she'll have to learn that other people, even boyfriends, cannot be the main source of her happiness. Only she can be the main source of her own happiness, and I know that depression is extremely difficult and persistent, but it is possible to find your own happiness and yet still live with depression and deal with its episodes.
#165 - On 07/15/2009 at 11:44am by Fade_2_Black
actually you could be unhappy forever, if you have clinical depression and it becomes treatment resistant.
#167 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:08pm by penizulaface
Yea, but I don't know if that will apply to this particular situation... Then again I don't know any of them. Either way using suicide and depression as a form of manipulation isn't right...even if you really do have it, it's still not right to use that.
#173 - On 07/15/2009 at 3:37pm by Fade_2_Black
Well, you can't pity date her, if you don't like her, break up with her. I advise you to tell her parents to take her to counseling to deal with her personal issues. Yea, I wouldn't want someone to kill themselves for me but I wouldn't want to be dating someone who I didn't love.
#168 - On 07/15/2009 at 12:18pm by Whatevers_clever
You'll hurt her more if you pity date her. :/
Do the right thing, don't string her along. Chances are, you might leave her for someone else when you find them, and think of how she will feel then.
Make it as clean of a break as possible!
hey, if you found out tat your gf was suicidal n depressed from her mum, i guess tat means shes been acting normally around you. from this piece of information, i respect your gf.
ppl, pls stop saying the gf's being attention-seeking or manipulative. maybe being with this guy gave her a new perspective to life, brought her a lot of happiness, so shes not depressed now. i agree tat a happy relationship isnt the solution to depression, but sometimes certain people can come into your life n bring so much goodness, you know? unconditional love n kindness can do so much, even if it wasnt intentional. you must be a really wonderful person, OP. (:
but i agree tat staying with her out of pity is not feasible, n im sure she doesnt want charity. i just hope you 2 can stay friends..
of cos, idk if tats the case, n these are just my humble opinions. (:
mayb they realised and this is just a plot to keep the relationship going, nevertheless that suks!!!
OP - I'm suddenly moved by your story. Let us help you help her. I want to organize a benefit with a website tie-in. I'll check to see if needybitch.org is still available. Once we get it online (cannibalcorpseXD has a server he can donate that needs some work), we are going to raise money to get this chick a subway pass. I have learned, from FML posters, that there is a legion of hobos out there riding mass transit just waiting to form "a relationship" with female passengers. We CAN fill the void you will be leaving in her life if you'll let us! We can also buy her one of those realistic cardboard cutouts they have at the gas station that the functionally retarded are fighting with for smiling at them to keep her company. Until then, let's join virtual hands in prayer for you, your soon to be ex-girlfriend, and her manipulative bitch mother...
#177 - On 07/15/2009 at 6:02pm by skullbuster
i hope you die in a fire.
wait no..
i hope you get depressed,
i hope you get suicidal,
and then know what its like to have life feel unbearable and not be able to do anything about it.
i hope you suffer you idiotic prick.
#178 - On 07/15/2009 at 6:23pm by penizulaface
@penizulaface - You really told me. B-O-O H-O-O. You've uncovered my secret pain you judgy asshole, somebody hand me a Kleenex?!
Or, actually, wait - I don't know you, or care about you, so all better now!
In reality, my comment was equally ridiculous as the rest of yours - mine was just unsympathetic. Y'all need to stop offering these pithy psychobabble advice column-esque solutions to these OPs.
#179 - On 07/15/2009 at 6:29pm by skullbuster
@bothofyou.
cock youre now an arsehole. an unfunny one, people that use exclamation marks are retarded.
the girl is mentally ill. ILL. it didnt say that she is dependent on her boyfriend nor that she is blackmailing him to stay with her. it was her mother, not her, that told him this and he haddnt heard it before. if she was really trying to emotionally blackmail him she would have told him herself.
youre an ignorant fuck. she's sick. her MUM told him this. not her.
shes done fuck all wrong and nowhere does it say that shes entirely dependent on him. shes probably still suicidal.
anyhoo, a hypothetical and probably fictional situation on the internet is a retarded cause for parolympical arguments,
but you're a spastic. if she had cancer you wouldnt be saying OMGLOLLETSLAUGHATTHETUMOURFCHICK!
(exclamation mark is necessary for sarcasm, when making an unfunny joke one isnt necessary. douche.)
#186 - On 07/16/2009 at 3:35am by penizulaface
@penizulaface: I'm going to be an adult and a professional for a moment (just one now so don't get used to it) and tell you something, so listen carefully:
With respect to your last comment: That's the difference between you and I, I don't presume to know anything more than the 2 or 3 sentences posted on FML by the OP - and I avoid the appearance of presenting any real advice because of that fact.
You may not have appreciated the comedy of my post, but most of you play a very dangerous game every day by offering these posters your uninformed suggestions and opinions. As I read many of them, I find myself sincerely hoping that the OP doesn't listen because a less intelligent person may very well go with the consensus of commenters and effect a real action in their lives.
You know nothing about this OP, his girlfriend, her mother, etc. We don't know if the mother was being honest or manipulative, maybe the girlfriend is being manipulative, maybe she really is depressed, maybe OP misinterpreted his discussion with the mother, I could go on and on but that is an awful lot of maybe for you to be pontificating about any of the parties involved in this issue. We don't know that this girl is mentally ill, or even depressed - but what if she is? Where is the outrage at the OP for posting his girlfriend's condition on the internet for the amusement of others...that is, after all, the purpose of this site.
Wishing someone to die in a fire is really sad, and so are you. If you posts are any indication, you have some real anger management issues and I hope you find the help you need - but you won't find it here from me.
#189 - On 07/16/2009 at 2:49pm by skullbuster
give her a chance a while longer before u make a decision to dump her. or as someone else said. try n get her to dump u. you dont want her to kill herself after u two break up. you will somewhat feel at fault.
How does it feel knowing you could be responsible for someone's death?
#188 - On 07/16/2009 at 7:39am by spillproof
I have been there, and let me tell you, GET OUT NOW. It only gets worse from here. Leave, and leave very quickly. Be prepared to have to deal with her stalking you, as well.
#191 - On 07/16/2009 at 3:58pm by QuietRiots
I completely understand... same thing happend to me. its a sticky situation but the sooner you get out, the easier. The longer u stay, the more likely your gonna be stalked......
Someone crazy enough to kill themselves over a guy might be crazy enough to slash your tires and murder your dog if you break up with them.
Especially if you're the only thing that made them happy. Lol have fun :3
to be hoenst, that was me, shit was going on and then he came along.. and he knew it. shot got reallllly hard and 1 year later, still dumped me -.-
You shouldn't have to hold that kind of responsibility in your shoulders. You're not a prisoner
#200 - On 01/03/2010 at 3:06am by Thund3rStruck
