Today, it was my dad's retirement. He is traditional Japanese, so I had custom-ordered a samurai sword from a traditional Japanese blacksmith with dad's name engraved on the blade in kanji script. He loved it, right up til my drunk cousin tried to use it to cut down a tree and snapped it in two. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
Today, my girlfriend’s dad has a sword he inherited from his dad that he claims links their family to the old Swiss nobility. I work in a museum so I know most of the makers' marks on swords, so I’m not sure how to tell him his sword is a reproduction made in Spain less than 100 years ago. FML
Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML
Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML
Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML
Today, I have quite a niche career forging swords, knives, and other weapons for museums. Well today my wife wanted to watch the anime Demon Slayer, we got to the scenes with the insane masked swordsmith, and she burst out laughing like, “Oh my god, you’re twins, grumpy twins!” FML
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Top comments
ezrocks4u 29
Maybe you should swing the cousin at a tree and see if he breaks..? Seriously though, make him repay you, and then some.
Kurby14 21
sounds like your cousin needs a sword to the face. sorry OP :( at least your dad loved his gift
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Comments (124)
Damarcus 22
well its the thought that counts. at least you got it.
teentee401 37
Honestly that's a really amazing and thoughtful gift, OP.
MasterTron 24
Hey your dad loved it for the short time it existed. Be glad he accepted it. P.S. I'd make your cousin buy a new one for your dad.
Kurby14 21
sounds like your cousin needs a sword to the face. sorry OP :( at least your dad loved his gift
MegaExplosives 17
do you think his dad made his cousin commit sepuku?
AbtractAngela 17
using the broken sword
Vlen_fml 20
this was honestly going to be my suggestion. I want to know what kind of tree it was though, snapping an authentic japanese folded katana sounds pretty far-fetched. dull the **** out of the blade sure, but not snapping it.
itwasntme14 19
That sucks. But on the bright side no one was hurt, and your dad appreciated the gift.
ezrocks4u 29
Maybe you should swing the cousin at a tree and see if he breaks..? Seriously though, make him repay you, and then some.
sonasonic 34
You can't extort a dead person.
MegaExplosives 17
#30 your picture perfectly describes your comment XD
deathshead 19
a little too well 41...
psychopolarbear 28
I'm not saying he should kill his cousin, I'm just saying his cousin needs to be hit in the face with a chair a few times for being an utter dumbass.
ViviMage 40
And the cousin will be paying for its replacement.
MrSassypants 34
And if he can't pay for it, then the cousin should be replaced. They replace characters with other people on sitcoms so why don't we start doing that in real life?
I_Like_Dogs 28
New service idea: people that pretend to be your relatives(or partner/friends) at family reunions so you can replace assholes and forget about them. I'm gonna be rich. Don't steal my idea.
bandeek 30
does no one remember the replacements?
MrSassypants 34
I remember the replacements, but that was a cartoon, and not real life, though it's easy to get them mixed up.
xninix_fml 36
@65 That was an awesome show ☺
ThaReaper319 19
well that sucks. can you get it repaired? guess now you get to play sword in the drunk.
Insanemf18 12
If it was broke in half it's extremely unlikely it can be repaired most cause its core would be irreparable
abhi95 31
He sounds like a real cockgoblin.. And why the hell was the sword in his reach when he was drunk..!?
Kahli21 15
Don't you mean, "why was your cousin getting that drunk at a birthday in the first place?" ?
ShirtlessWonder 17
#51 First off, it wasn't a birthday, it was a retirement. Second, the Japanese are very serious about honor, especially in their careers. Retirement is a VERY special occasion (I think). And on very special occasions and/or New Year's, many Japanese get very drunk and stay very drunk during the whole celebration.
juggalo2 22
Drunkenness is an important part of Japanese culture. They even have a song, wherein the chorus mentions how every month has a good reason to get drunk. (btw no one said anything about a birthday)
GhostFox 34
Being drunk is part of a lot of social situations in Japanese culture- it is actually considered impolite to turn down an opportunity to go drinking with coworkers, if I am remembering correctly.
TacoTerrorist 15
Sorry OP! That really sucks. You should get him to buy one. On a side note: at least no one was cleaved in half. ;)
cooltatgar 31
Kick split his ass into two
2infbvcxxcvbj 13
Think of the positives! Your dad loved the gift (I'm a little envious, so cool!) and you made some crazy family memories. (Splitting it in half was a dick move.)Also from experience drunk humans and anything shiny or pointy never ends well.