Miscellaneous: Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself...

By anonymous - 07/05/2014 23:06 - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 009

You deserved it 5 711

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Same thing different taste

By bathroomgirl - 11/08/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 071

You deserved it 37 171

By youlovewaffles - 03/08/2019 04:00

Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 425

By shittysongs - 07/03/2013 02:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 902

You deserved it 7 102

By Anonymous - 06/03/2012 19:54 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 642

You deserved it 22 469

Phantom pooper

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 417

By Matti - 17/08/2018 22:00

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 236

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 40 902

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 00:26 - United States - Goodyear

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 780

You deserved it 23 756

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 22:11 - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 384

You deserved it 13 697

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 761

You deserved it 3 358

strokesie 23

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:20

At least they were entertained, right?

KillSwitch96 18

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:20

You must have been singing pretty loud to have not heard them grunting and straining!

Comments

strokesie 23

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:20

At least they were entertained, right?

relevantelephant 5

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:23

Or pooped themselves

ImAFaker 29

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:46

You should have sang "Let it Go" when he was pooping. That would've been epic.

DrHail 22

Thursday 8 May 2014 7:31

Probably worked well as a laxative!

moomanjohnny 10

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:20

That must've been awkward. Hopefully you got that sorted out OP.

gjikvtj 18

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:28

OP should file a lawsuit

Viizzy 6

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:29

#14, Why would that even be worth of a lawsuit?

KillSwitch96 18

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:20

You must have been singing pretty loud to have not heard them grunting and straining!

DrHail 22

Thursday 8 May 2014 7:30

Time for some prune juice! He can give him awkward looks elsewhere, now!

kwyk 23

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:20

We all do it... right?

Stazza11 27

Thursday 8 May 2014 6:33

Sing or get constipated? Haha

Andicc 19

Thursday 8 May 2014 7:52

.....Or walk in on someone ******** (or not ******** in this instance lol)

ItsJustMe1616 26

Thursday 8 May 2014 10:25

I'm gonna go a head and say all of the above lol

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 8 May 2014 23:33

Just not all at the same time

PippaButtertubs 15

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:22

Why were they there in the first place????

ItsJustMe1616 26

Thursday 8 May 2014 10:27

I think the answer to your question is relatively obvious my friend...

PippaButtertubs 15

Thursday 8 May 2014 13:22

I meant in the house...

Eleanor6141 11

Thursday 8 May 2014 15:44

not enough face palm's in the world..

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 8 May 2014 23:34

@43 "relatively" .... Good one...

ruxtain 15

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:22

Happened to me once.

ItsJustMe1616 26

Thursday 8 May 2014 19:38

Once....

DoubleJay95 13

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:23

They were probably more suprised you didn't knock.

A_Twerking_Koala 9

Friday 9 May 2014 2:50

I think they didn't give a shit.

brandoneyez1 25

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:25

House wasn't as empty as you thought. Your cousin was behind door #2

conman531 23

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:25

Someone's full of shit

TheAbstract 15

Thursday 8 May 2014 7:08

I'm sure you can see yourself out.

Uglyfeet 23

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:26

Now your cousin is constipated AND afraid of you, nice!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 354

You deserved it 79 642

Today, my boyfriend has been unemployed for over six months. He has applied EVERYWHERE with no luck, but he also has the opportunity to start his own business. Instead, he just spends his time sitting in front of the TV all day long. I'm starting to believe he is not a driven man, and I hate that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 232

The Top

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 536

You deserved it 6 482

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 973

You deserved it 49 007

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 595

You deserved it 15 886

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 552

You deserved it 19 458

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 714

You deserved it 4 183

Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 2 121

Same thing different taste

Phantom pooper

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