Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML
Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML
Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question? "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML
Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML
Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML
Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML
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Top comments
Weird_situations 13
That's a really creepy thing to say to your daughter..
RedPillSucks 31
Tell him that if he had your ****, he would be a medical marvel and a hit at the LBGT convention.
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Comments (134)
TXFernwoods 26
You should start ignoring him.
thatnucca 36
For how long? Forever?
slooby_fml 25
5ever
RedPillSucks 31
Tell him that if he had your ****, he would be a medical marvel and a hit at the LBGT convention.
Weird_situations 13
That's a really creepy thing to say to your daughter..
littlem91 29
Urgh, agreed. I come from a very open family but this steps way over that line.
hansbo 6
it's a creepy thing to say to anyone.
thesinginguy 18
Eh, depends, if it's like an extremely close friend, your girlfriend, or if you are a girl (saying it to a friend of course) it is acceptable and would be seen as a joke.
expectcriticism 13
but it's not any of those things it's her dad and that's gross
jesustitts 20
My dad actually told my sister she has a rocking body and a great rack. He then said "I mean that in an observing way. Not a perverted dad way" that was today and not acceptable for any father to say to his child. OP maybe don't stay near your dad anymore if possible.
cray_shay101 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I agree. A dad saying I like your **** basically, is kind of a petafile thing to say
JaneChemi_fml 21
do you mean pedophile?
amisenho 11
It's terrible; it's a psychological train wreck. My step-dad started saying and doing worse things to me than that when I had lost 40 pounds in college about 5 years ago. I kept telling him how uncomfortable it was making me feel when he said inappropriate things like that or grabbed me in places I wasn't okay with, but, of course, he didn't listen, and he continued to comment on my body while I tried to avoid physical contact with him in the hallway. To make it worse, when I notified my mother of what he was saying and doing to me, she said I should "just let it go; he likes to joke; that's just who he is; men will be men." She basically wrote it off as me just being overly-sensitive. It had become such a daily problem that I intentionally gained my weight back just to get him to stop saying and doing perverted things to me, and my mother berated me for "letting yourself go so quickly." I still struggle with his behavior today; since I started going back to the gym a year ago for health reasons, he's slowly started picking up those nasty habits again. Recently, I've had no choice but to avoid going home altogether and, instead, stay with my boyfriend. For me, it was extremely difficult to take when I realized that the people who should have been there to support me and respect my feelings decided that they just didn't care anymore. For anyone else suffering the same, just know that someone out there understands what you're going through.
xsilentxninjax 10
That is really creepy for a father to say to his daughter... I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your father, OP, but I most certainly would not be okay with that...
Kiki242 19
Why is he noticing your ****?
GEBEH 14
Maybe because he have eyes, there dosen't have to be the usual reaction you have after seeing a great pair of **** just because his brain registered them.
SmokinGuns 13
Most fathers are very protective of their daughters and would never think about how "great" their daughter's **** are let alone encourage her to use men for money with them. That's just...strange.
lakaiskate 12
Maybe he takes her bra shopping because her mom isn't there
Linemanmike 17
I sense a movie in the making
Jemm_fml 29
5 Martin Luther King Jr's? 5 Milileters? 5 Military Leaders?! The world may never know.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
5 My Life, apparently.
Peachy2392 26
FMLs 5th birthday
askullnamedbilly 33
Oh c'mon, it's on the main page in huge white letters. It's 5ML today, because it's FML's fifth birthday.
VioletSkies 21
Actually it may not be on the main page for some. If they're on mobile they have the option to hide FML Blog posts, tweets, and news.
migmit 11
And if you use the FML app, you don't see the main page at all.
Jemm_fml 29
Ah, other people who have phones. I thought I was either daft or just going blind... Yes, the mobile app doesn't at all say why everything is 5 milileters.
MzZombicidal 36
I'm so glad I saw these comments and cleared everything up! I'm on mobile and I thought there was an issue with their posting system!
ahh_rats 15
Well he did create you, also watched you grow and develop... So idk if that's creepy
Solipsist 12
It's creepy.
brookieh 12
that just makes it even more creepy..
littlem91 29
My dad is aware I'm chesty, it's fairly obvious, knowing they're there is fine, but this is creepy as hell. I think mostly as it comes across that he likes them. I hope that's just the wording.
Lindz2817 10
Yes, but being aware doesn't mean you point it out like this.
Pstraka6 20
Normally with age comes wisdom, but I'd say in this case that's not true. Your melons don't get you far in life, it's your perseverance and attitude that does. Dream big!
StaySolid 5
Smarts only get you so far, big boobs get you the rest of the way!
Beepbeep7 14
Until they start sagging
WellThatSucked89 13
Here's your one chance, Fancy. Don't let me down!
KillSwitch96 18
@88 Why do you think 86's name is StaySolid? She obviously doesn't plan on having her boobs sag when she gets older! Haha
Beepbeep7 14
Lol didn't even think of that.No way would I want to have it done haha
olpally 32
Dads' are always somewhat perverted, but that's stepping over the line. What a jackass.
Merylwen 24
Dads are always somewhat perverted? Hum, no. A few creepy, terrible fathers who don't care about the education their kids receive? Yes, probably.
Enslaved 36
I know some creepy perverted fathers that came to my job (grated they're drunks) and quoted some nasty things they've said to their daughters. One said along the lines of "Beware of guys, all they want from you is your wet spot". While another said. "Babe, how do you still owe rent when you've got all that between your legs?" Blah!
Batterypost 23
What's up with the "5ML" on the last three publised FMLs?
olpally 32
It's FML's 5th birthday since it was founded. You're welcome.
Batterypost 23
Ah, that makes sense. Thanks a lot!
abhi95 31
It's FMLs 5 year anniversary! So I guess they're doing that for today!
littlem91 29
I guess the big announcement at the top was just too subtle.
matticus27 14
people on mobiles don't see that announcement if they have those settings turned off...
oregonmaniac 5
it's fml's 5th birthday
paperluminary 1
40. The app said nothing about it. Seriously. Quit dicking around.