Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
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Same thing different taste
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Helping hand
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML
Inspection time
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML
Thanks, but…
Today, my grandmother helped out by cooking a dish for me. It was so sweet of her, until I ended up having diarrhoea because of it. Now I'm worried to breastfeed my newborn with her food in my system. FML
Genetics
Today, my grandmother is shocked that literally all of her kids and grandkids have mental handicaps. She won't admit it's because her and my grandfather are first cousins, and is claiming instead it's, "because of gluten." FML
Top comments
sarcasticzilla 9
And why exactly were you eating Nutella on the toilet?
juliaannw 11
Wipe a handful of nutella right on her face.
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Comments (77)
sarcasticzilla 9
And why exactly were you eating Nutella on the toilet?
Kefka91 15
Because why not? There's never a bad time to eat Nutella.
sarcasticzilla 9
True I guess I can agree with that.. Now I'm just contradicting myself.
AKGirlinSD 20
I'm with 34. There are so many diseases in the bathroom. What about the other people eating Nutella from the same jar? Nobody would want to touch that. OP, maybe your grandma is telling everyone that you ate your own shit to teach you to never eat while on the toilet.
CrissyyyS2 22
Why would you want to smell your poop while eating something that has a really sweet scent of deliciousness.
jc10x 8
Why are you eating in the bathroom period?
jasmine2301 25
Better question is why did he not lock the door?
Cazz91 21
#62 - OP is female.
RedPillSucks 31
@53 Maybe she was peeing, or maybe didn't use the toilet at all. Maybe she just wanted a private place to gorge herself on the sweet sweet goodness that is nutella.
Gingerette 8
I have no idea why anyone voted you down, 69. I've heard stranger things myself.
life_sucks225 13
to OP- Good luck with that E. Coli
jasmine2301 25
she* I'm sorry. Mixed up gender signs for a minute.
Hipnog 15
It's Nutella, man! How could you resist?
nurchok 15
While I don't disagree with #1, #3, and #14, I couldn't agree more with #34. Really? Wasn't the kitchen good enough for you anymore? Looking for adventure? Wanted to smell poop while eating something so sweet? Come on OP...
smuycdkick 2
i guess you never took to heart the ole phrase don't eat where you shit, to heart.
burritosrgood 12
The toilet seat is extremely comfortable.
burritosrgood 12
I don't have a lock on my bathroom door because it's in my house and only my family lives there and most people know when the for is closed or even if the light is on not to go in there
failalltheway 22
Maybe a funeral.
juliaannw 11
Wipe a handful of nutella right on her face.
Snazzy_Snaz 17
Then tell everyone she uses shit as a beauty mask
triplebeerox 27
You should have made her smell your breath!!
emirie 21
Something tells me she wouldn't have been willing to smell her breath if she thought she was eating shit..
LeafsGuy92 10
**** that! Smell the spoon.. Or better, have her come look at the spoon for verification!
SarMarJo 17
I bet it would freak her out even more if you walked out of there with the whole jar eating it. And then, offer her some.
TiroC 25
Just tell everybody that it's only bullSHIT!
usernameunkn0wn 18
Why would you be eating anything on the toliet to begin with? So unsanitary. Gross. You deserved it.
SarMarJo 17
I'll admit that sometimes I eat while on the toilet. There have been studies that show that kitchens can be dirtier than bathrooms. Google it.
beclaurela 18
The fact that your sitting somewhere different doesn't make it any less sanitary. It all depends on where your hands have been and how you're eating your food.
TheCowCollector 2
13, it's less sanitary if you're sitting on a seat where poop particles frequent.
SarMarJo 17
#18 Do you know what kind of bacteria is in uncooked meats? What about that dish sponge you use? If you're not touching the toilet or your poop with your hands/arms it doesn't make that much of a difference. Just sayin'. Most poop germs can't magically fly onto your spoon.
Shade1982 20
You don't clean your kitchen or something? Really...
SarMarJo 17
#24 No... I do. But I also clean my bathroom. I was just stating that there is harmful bacteria in the kitchen as well as the bathroom, if not worse. Like I said, google it. You'd be surprised. I was.
usernameunkn0wn 18
When you flush a toilet, little water,particles splash out. This is why you'd never want to leave your purse on a bathroom floor for example. Google that, #11.
Caitie_kid 8
I agree with 7. Wtf were they trying to do?? Savor the Nutella with shit smell for a nice robust nutty flavor?? Yuck.
Cazz91 21
You know, its a possibility that OP is on a diet to lose weight. She could have chosen to eat the Nutella in the bathroom to hide her cheating on the diet from others. That is at least one reason I can think of as to why she would eat in the bathroom.
Octwo 16
You germaphobes need to learn that crap particles don't just suspend themselves in the air and then sit there forever. She would have to have either walked in after someone recently took a dump, got up and flushed the toilet, or wiped her ass to have any real possibility of contaminating her food. Unless you never clean your bathroom in which case you have bigger concerns, specially considering your lack of immunity to common bacteria from a lifetime of avoiding being exposed to anything that may possibly have a germ on it.
gooddealjoe 7
Old people get away with everything..
yoursucklives 36
well ain't that some shit!
slick5880 22
Please don't start another run away thread on poop jokes.
RavenCheyenneC 12
That's so gross haha
Kallian_fml 21
I can't say I wouldn't have assumed the same thing...