Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it was. He just paused, turned to look me in the eye, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML
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Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML
Today, once again, my family had a loud conversation over the television show I was quietly watching. Ironically, the moment they watch something they like, even if it's a re-run episode, you have to be quiet or you'll be called a monster. Simply say "Hi" and they'll pause the TV to look at you like an annoyance. FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, whenever my dad says something and I (genuinely) don't hear him, he repeats it in an extremely slow and condescending manner. My family says I should "get a sense of humor" because I'm rightfully pissed about this. FML
Today, I spoiled a TV show I've seen that a friend has started binge-watching by saying, “Episode 7 really did my head in.” His face turned from excitement to annoyance, and has vowed revenge, saying, "Great, I'm going to be anticipating episode 7 for the next few hours thanks to you, stop talking to me." FML
Today, my father is incapable of doing anything without cursing and swearing so loudly that the neighbours hear him. If I ask him what’s wrong or to stop swearing at inanimate objects, he starts yelling at me for "jumping all over him." I can’t win. FML
Today, for the first time in my 20 years of life, I heard my dad unironically say the f-word. I was so shocked by it that I became became practically frozen for a full minute, which is not a very good thing to happen when you're at work, and your boss is watching you. FML
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Top comments
broderickc 13
Your dad sounds awesome.
Superstitious 6
Shut up.
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Comments (153)
starile 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"What sucks is... my name is Meg."
Superstitious 6
Shut up.
michaelaranda 28
Dont comment if your comment isnt relevant to the fml. Op, thats not so bad, and ur dad wont stop. I mean, if he watches family guy, he probably isnt the most mature person in the world.
broderickc 13
Well then: shut up meg
michaelaranda 28
That comment was meant for #1 not #22
Phoebe_Buffay 14
He shouldve said the "if you have a problem, take it up with my ass. it's the only thing that gives a crap"
challan 19
#33, I laughed! Sorry you were thumbed down.
Jareth_King 21
#23 so now if someone watches family guy they are immature? People can watch whatever they want and still mature
CountryBoy199479 1
#1 shut up Meg
Lacist 19
#34 Why assume that people who watch Family Guy are immature? I could say you're immature for having spongebob as your profile picture, but that would be wrong.
ms_YoungMula 8
Typical Meg, you just have to make everything about yourself
blackman100 20
Number one was adding a part to the FML saying that it would have sucked for the OP if OP was a girl named Meg.
MacItUp 8
Your stupid, he was saying it would be funny if OPs name was Meg! Idiot!
blackman100 20
That's what I was saying, dumbass.
Shrike 23
I was about to ask, "Olpally has a kid?" but then I realized that'd involve Olpally actually getting laid, hahahaha! :D
Nyx_fml 23
I guess this comment won't get a "giggity" from him.
Schizomaniac 24
**** y'all hoes fur hating on the homie Olpally.
Shrike 23
I'm not hating. If anything I feel sorry for him for never having experienced a woman's touch. But maybe he's not into the touch of WOMEN, if you catch my drift. I don't care, I'm open-minded, bro. We still on for that "poker game" at 11? No ****.
Nyx_fml 23
Wow. You reply to one comment and suddenly you're included in some private "poker" game. Unless I'm not invited, in which case... this is awkward.
olpally 32
Wow, I've only been laid once and it was the worst experience of my life with a woman so far. You are unbelievable shrike. Showing no class.
Nyx_fml 23
So... giggity?
olpally 32
No.
Shrike 23
Olpally, sounds like you need to join Schizo and myself for a few rounds of poker. Like when painting, you should probably wear clothes that you're not particularly attached to. Giggity.
PenguinBitch 43
If y'all seen the show, Meg has more game than Opally. *Laughs and turns around to see if gang is laughing too*
Shrike 23
I dunno, let me just consult with the cybernetic telepathic brain leech... *bbzzzztttttt* Hmm... "PC LOAD LETTER", that's a new one.
challan 19
Look everyone, I know olpally in the real world, and he is kinda a ladies man. He's tapped three of my friends and tried (but failed) to tap me. You just don't know!! ladies are giggity over olpally.
DocBastard 38
He tried to "tap" you? I've heard of "tap that ass", but holy fuckballs is this what people say now? Tap? What happened to screw, ****, lay, and boink?
gc327072 30
and "bone", doc. Don't forget that classic.
esines 9
Man, this is like high school all over again for Olpally. Im imagining all the commenters surrounding him in the locker room taking turns making jokes. Hope you went commando today Olpally, mega wedgies hurt a lot. I hear...
broderickc 13
Your dad sounds awesome.
GTAmax99 12
Freakin' sweet.
eddeeezzyy 19
Sorry OP, but you got pwned by your dad.
cheshireau 26
My Dad is cool but I wish he was that cool.
ThatFancyPenn 18
#54 I salute you.
clumsycarolyn 17
Well you know I guess he's just a family fuy
andrewturtle 16
So close, but alas you've failed.
kimblie 15
you're dad is a legend.
CanadiAnM8 24
Your*
Redoxx_fml 22
Shut up Meg
ThatFancyPenn 18
Honestly?! By the looks of it you're about 16 and you still don't know the difference between your and you're?! God I weep for this generation.
senseoffender 2
U do realize u can understand the difference it's just easier when typing on a phone to to type the shortest way for instance how I'm typing u instead if you it's just easier and doesn't make this generation stupid in any way shape or form just lazy :)
queerdragon 20
It does not matter to most people what is easier, only that the final project makes someone look ignorant/stupid.
CharresBarkrey 15
101 - Your is shorter than you're, and in this case is more correct. That makes no ******* sense.
DocBastard 38
Senseoffender - You offended my sense of humour and my sense of decency with your pathetic worthlessness of an excuse.
williemac98 8
Your dad sounds great!
debbster7 18
I don't see why it's surprising or even unexpected that he'd say that. You sort of asked for it to be honest.
richiedbond 16
Giggity giggity. Sorry someone had to do it...
lolita88_fml 27
Giggity gig gig goooo~
michaelaranda 28
You apologized and ruined ur comment
Nyx_fml 23
Do not let him discover The Simpsons. With 35 seasons between the two shows, he would have material to use for years.
CanadiAnM8 24
Just wait till South Park. All OP's dad will be saying is "RESPECT MY AUTHROTIAH" and "SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M GOING HOMEEEE" he'll also be saying "OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED KENNY, YOU BASTARD!"
Nyx_fml 23
Also, he will probably throw up whenever talking to his wife. Poor OP; she's doomed.
TheDrifter 23
Blame Canada.
Lunasis 14
Don't forget to bring a towel!
hienzburgess 9
I never knew what family guy was until I was in grade 10
DEATHBYEX1LE 11
Thanks for sharing.
Xalandra 17
#64 are you one of those idiots that assumes all home schoolers are extremely sheltered and have no social interaction whatsoever?
vipirius 18
75, are you one of those humorless fellas that gets offended because they take every comment on FML seriously?
Axipiter 24
Somebody peed in 75s Meow Mix today...
Dr_Awesome654 24
What's "grade 10?"