Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML
Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML
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Top comments
AllegroRubato 16
Veteran of a thousand wars.
JoeGrant 12
Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...
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Comments (137)
Pauschinator 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She likes to pleasure herself.
Ambient25 24
You can't tell me you looked at your post and the FML and were like "Yes! This is ready! No one thought of this!"...
obnum 19
Thank you, #1. I wouldn't have understood the FML if you hadn't explained this fact to me.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
I sure didn't understand this FML until you commented! Thank you for telling me!
buddy51 23
....with cucumbers. I think #1 forgot to say that...
abekj52 9
Op asked, "What the hell?" Clearly, she did not get it.
sematariux 7
Why does it matter how epic the "first" comment is? some of you have no lives on here.
Meowingtons500 18
I'm pretty sure people with actual lives no longer use the word epic.
Lacist 19
I don't think people in general should judge whether you have a life or not, literally or figuratively.
Metallica36176 16
Thank you, 87. I completely agree. People need to learn to mind their own business. I hate when people comment unnecessarily mean comments just to make themselves seem superior.Leave the guy alone, at least he pointed it out for those who were tired and didn't get it right off....jeeze.
AllegroRubato 16
Veteran of a thousand wars.
1234ideclare 7
she's been there, done that.
LeFrogDog 27
listen to your elders
firefighter925 18
Take it from the voice of experience ha
Jjimen1654 9
More like a thousand ******.
downzi104 17
Thank her for the advice OP.
PterodactylMan 23
Old ladies these days... First they divorce their husbands and now they give nice tips for cucumbers!
ottokat 15
yeah wtf old ladies how dare you end an unhappy marriage and be honest about your sexual life wth
hooligyn123 18
#27 was referencing a recent FML where the grandmother threw a party over divorcing her husband... (While there may have been grounds for it obviously the family member didn't enjoy that fact)
KinyaZ 4
Oh... Well... At least you got some good advice? Haha
Metallica36176 16
And she was also looking out for her well-being! She cares about OP and doesnt want it to hurt. She was a sweet granny.
JoeGrant 12
Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...
cuppycakeslove 20
Nooo, I'll never look at pickles the same way again :(
JoeGrant 12
Sorry 12, I couldn't help myself!
Obey_StudBoii 23
This gave me a brainfart.
Gaernem 17
#68 If it gave you a brain fart due to you not understanding how it may make a pickle, it is because pickles are cucumbers. Not sure if that is what you meant though. ):
kee_breezy32 34
thats some kinda advice she gave you OP!
waffle3z 6
Well what good is a salad without any lube?
Truths 8
Out of everything you could of said.. You comment that. Ugh ;( FML comments are suppose to be awesome not stupid. You fail.
Shrike 23
You're hardly in a position to be calling other people out for dumb comments. I mean, "could of"? "Suppose to"? Honestly. Retake elementary school.
sematariux 7
#39, with the amount of thumbs down you got, I'd say YOU fail... Hard.
BelfastNuts 15
At least you now know to lube up
BillyJones 4
is that how pickles are made?
mackdeezy 22
Troll grandma making her rounds again