Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML
Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
Today, my aunts found grandpa's will, which left everything to me and nothing to them, and his lawyer confirmed on the phone this was definitely grandpa's wish. My entire family now hate me and think I manipulated him. My grandpa has hated me my entire life, so I think this is his way of punishing me. FML
Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML
Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML
Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years-old, with no wife or children. FML
Today, I was super excited to receive a large inheritance, maybe put it towards a house and a vacation. To my horror, the entire 40k went to my child support arrears. My psycho ex is the one who wanted those three kids, not me. FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, I received my first payment of child support from my estranged husband: $50 and a note that said he wouldn't be paying any more. FML
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Top comments
ColdplaySucks 18
Well **** that.
CammyGal 26
Yeah, because you had total control over how and when you were born, right?
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Comments (168)
ColdplaySucks 18
Well **** that.
Ashamed_Sister 60
I would shit on his grave for suggesting a vasectomy. Your grandfather was a sick bastard. (Sorry for the dirty language but there is no other way to express my feelings.)
sens3sfailing 24
It's not even his fault he was born out of wedlock! Why the **** is he getting put down?
BandWagonGuy 8
Do docbastard and noor still come to fml?
SiHa00095 15
It's simple. They're judgmental idiots.
azk3000 9
Why doesn't OP just take the money and then get a vasectomy at like 70 or something?
ImJobbinn 11
Why not just go to a sperm bank and donate a lot of sperm and if you ever want a kid go get some. It also gives you as many one night stands as you'd like without worrying about getting them pregnant.
oj101 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Who said old people couldn't have fun? Especially after death.
oj101 33
Oops. I skim read first half of the FML, now this sounds terribly insensitive. But sure, if you were ostracized, then don't try to change yourself for the sake of a relatively small amount. Learn to love yourself. You did nothing wrong OP :)
luckyd880 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Do it. Who needs kids anyway :D
Old unused 13
Just a few, actually
FarFromSocial 9
Not you.
FarFromSocial 9
aimed at #3
greenie213 23
Without the apparently unimportant act of having children, humanity would have died off at the beginning. I'm pretty sure that people need kids.
then000bster 16
Ever heard of a sperm bank? Just put some for safe keeping and get it done. :)
ohSNAPyall 26
Any leftover cash would not cover artificial insemination.
Somefruits 24
The world is so over populated, it wouldn't be a bad thing if the right people just stopped having children. At least for a while. When I read 3's comment, I thought it was being applied to this day and age, not the beginning of humanity...
TheBrochure 22
#102- While that does sound logical in at least some frame of mind, there would be no ethical or objective way to determine who the "right" people would be.
cupcakechick 17
I believe 3 was being sarcastic
Fervens 5
Not me, either, #28. And, frankly, many kids don't need their parents. To exist, yes, but there are so many inept adults, that it's really not worth making a whole new human just to put a child through so much idiocy.
Fervens 5
People who can parent. Just cause someone can become a parent means they can meet a child's emotional/psychological needs. So many adults don't realize that having a child means you're sacrificing your personal time and continue living as before.
FarFromSocial 9
I agree #128/#129 There are a lot of people who don't deserve kids and have them and some of the ones who will appreciate the full title of parenthood to the fullest and can't have them. the world is a cruel place. But that is neither here nor there in this FML we don't know what OPs view points on children are all we know is in order to get his money he must prevent himself from reproducing. Maybe the grandfather wanted to stop another child being born out of wedlock?
lexa1love 16
Terrible OP. It happens so much now a days that you think people would be more understanding. Some people will hold on to anything they can, just so they feel they are better than others.
X_Codes 11
On the bright side, I'm pretty sure the requirement to spend that money on a vasectomy cannot be enforced legally. Congrats on your $3,500, dude!
NothernNightmare 18
Most relative's wills have shitty conditions to get the money. If you really don't want a vasectomy, don't do it just for the money!
J_C_maldonado 9
That's true…
_1296 10
There is a thumbs up for that.
jisaac09 25
I don't know about about NY state but in KY you can accept the money with the conditions, after the money is yours they cannot take it away from you. It would only be your word/honor holding you to meet the conditions.
FlyingPie 17
Don't knock it yet. A vasectomy can make a vas deferens in the way you feel about yourself.
simoncat 11
Tou-Che!
ohSNAPyall 26
Pleonasm? I haven't semen around.
R4inb0wBrit3 13
Don't worry, I think I see him cumming.
Pleonasm 35
I guess I have to cum on cue now. Quite Franklin, I didn't have much more to add, but I guess you guys are ad-duct-ed to these pun run-offs
BeccaHugs 17
That's a dick move.
Dukekamono 5
That bastard! O wait...
jisaac09 25
OP could always join the Nights Watch, even bastards can gain rank and honor in the Nights Watch.
CammyGal 26
Yeah, because you had total control over how and when you were born, right?
sugarshane007 20
Damnit that'll show him, not staying in the womb three years until his parents married!!
jett0001 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow, they really want to cut you out of the family... Atleast you got some money though!
NothernNightmare 18
It never said he went through with the vasectomy and got the money.
jett0001 13
Hmm valid point, and I accept defeat. Plus looking back my pun about being "cut out" was crap.