Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML
Today, I realized my mom was right. I should have listened to her and not gotten a pet alligator. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've been crushing on for a while. At one point we started talking about pets we'd had. I wanted to show my sensitive side, so I told her how I sadly had to get my beloved cat euthanized earlier that week, and had buried her in my backyard. Her response? "Ew." FML
Today, I went to see a dinosaur exhibition with my mum. We walked around and saw a huge dinosaur, made of plastic and rubber. She was very disappointed, saying that she thought there would be real live dinosaurs for us to see. FML
Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML
Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again… FML
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Top comments
DooleyFTW 17
She obviously hasn't been exposing them to enough radioactive waste!
Pleonasm 35
Yea, I found out the other day that I am infertile. I bought a pet chimpanzee and raised him and everything, and WTF? He isn't turning into a human?? Like how is this possible? I though people came from apes? Anyway this isn't Grow Your Own T-Rex. I bet the salesman just told her that iguanas turned into Dinosaurs to seal the deal on that 500 metre squared terrarium that the shop couldn't get rid of.
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Comments (128)
DooleyFTW 17
She obviously hasn't been exposing them to enough radioactive waste!
a1f0sff 25
Or rather she's been the one overexposed to radioactive waste making her having different thoughts.
Bigger_than_Jesu 5
Ruuuuuuun, it's Godzilla!
TML329 14
No it's because she haven't trained it enough for it to evolve yet
Tristyxxx 24
i wonder what sales person told her this
NigerianMedicine 11
(Mouth keeps moving afterwards)
CzechIsBack 15
It's an honest mistake. I remember forgetting the radioactive waste once. Oh, the humble beginnings of my dinosaur farm...
Pleonasm 35
Yea, I found out the other day that I am infertile. I bought a pet chimpanzee and raised him and everything, and WTF? He isn't turning into a human?? Like how is this possible? I though people came from apes? Anyway this isn't Grow Your Own T-Rex. I bet the salesman just told her that iguanas turned into Dinosaurs to seal the deal on that 500 metre squared terrarium that the shop couldn't get rid of.
XxDevilxXGt 26
No I had already bought that to store my one pet platypus.
Pleonasm 35
I bet the Bill for that thing was pretty big ;)
XxDevilxXGt 26
Yeah that platypus cost me a fortune. Oh.. The terrarium too.
ptoka 20
Hmm, platypus egg omelet anyone?
Enslaved 36
Perhaps if you breed the OP's GF's lizard and your platypus, their hybrid dinosaur baby will be a lickalotofpus. The perfect pet for the ladies! (:
Pleonasm 35
you saw the "pus" and you couldn't help yourself, could you, enslaved? ;)
Enslaved 36
GUILTY! :) And also guilty of wanting that pet!!
Pleonasm 35
Didn't know you wanted a lizard/platypus hybrid to go down on you so bad!
UsernameHere234 13
HOT!!!! Mind if I watch?
ptoka 20
Cats have odd fetishes
Enslaved 36
Who said anything about the hybrid going down on me? I just want to pet a pet. Damn! Now "pet, jet, set, get, let, net, vet" words are all dancing in my mind! :P
gc327072 30
Reptiliality?
Nekogami 14
Enslaved........ Lol. You're so reliable.
l23VIVE 17
humans and apes have a common ancestor
WatsonIsThatDood 6
Quick!!!! Consult the wizard!!!
XxDevilxXGt 26
Hey I would be crying too if they gave me fake dinosaurs. Riding aroud on my Bronchosaurous(sp?).
DocBastard 38
I think the word you're looking for is brontosaurus. Unfortunately, that dinosaur no longer exists. It's been called apatosaurus for years.
XxDevilxXGt 26
Yeah I butchered its old name, thanks.
mistercrow 9
How bout a Megasauras ;p
Pleonasm 35
Don't know about you guys, but I was always scared of the plesiosaurus. You thought swimming in the sea after watching Jaws was scary? Imagine having that thing in the ocean... *pees self*
I_iz_B_a_troll 23
I always wanted a pet compsognathus. They may be small, but you take a chicken, combine a lizard and a wallaby with the teeth of a shark and you've got one bad-ass little killer. Meanwhile, I'm still waiting on my bearded dragon to turn into a real dragon; I've no clue why the wings haven't sprouted yet!
Enslaved 36
Only "Puff the Magic Dragon" will help you see those spouting wings. :P
poccocurantes 7
And people are worried about dog owners. My advise; if you get a dinosaur don't just leave them chained up in the back yard. They need to be socialized or they get mean.
Trinity1836 11
hey 41, good luck grooming his beard once he hits puberty or gets sick. you'll have to duck everytime he sneezes
ViviMage 39
It must have coughed a lot!
kurodansei 16
Tell her to give a little more land before time. Also you'll be the best boyfriend ever if you discreetly switch her lizards with kamodo dragons(good luck with that)
MelTheGreat 23
Nice thinking. She could also walk them at Jurassic Park so they get plenty of exercise, allowing them to grow to their full potential.
strawberrywine22 30
Take her lizards back to the pet store, go to the dollar store and get two of those foam dinosaurs that grow when you put them in water. Grow them to full-size, put them in the lizard tank, and voila!
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Poor girl... know how you should cheer her up? Exchange all those lizards for mice, everyone knows they grow into kangaroos!
rezho 5
Go to the pet store and demand a refund. Might as well take this all the way.
DocBastard 38
You should tell her she just isn't feeding her pre-dinosaurs the wrong foods. She needs to give them ground up unicorn horns, sprinkled with fairy dust, mixed with Loch Ness Monster tail. Give it that concoction, and POOF! Instant velociraptor. If she actually starts shopping around for those ingredients, run. Just run.
Trinity1836 11
Don't they sells those in the flea market? Or is it in Chinatown?
bfsd42 20
She isn't feeding them the wrong foods. Doesn't that mean she is feeding them the right foods?
sens3sfailing 24
doc makes typos too. hes human. ~scary thought. I know~
HowieDoIt 21
She sounds stupid, I figured out the secret years ago, which also happens to be the secret ingredient in the krabby patty.