Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Freak out
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Pranked
Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
Ring of fire
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Funny, huh?
Today, after having an upset stomach for two days, I thought it would be funny to rip a fart in front of two teen boys at the hardware store. It wasn’t until I crapped myself wearing shorts and it ran down my leg into my sock that I realized it wasn’t at all “funny.” FML
Happy Easter!
Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML
Top comments
MermaidSongXOXO 6
And it was. Your point?
smbridges 15
yea i agree with #8 you should have seen the discoloration of ur tp i mean unless ur tp is usually orange!!
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Comments (175)
willrh102291 0
first!
iBimmer 0
#44 you suck. and #56 is gay.
spellbud 0
im pretty sure that it was funny, now you need to decide how you are going to get them back
BBQFetus 0
I'm 12 and what is this
allylolll 0
wat*
MermaidSongXOXO 6
And it was. Your point?
Kelso_24 0
haha. nice
Gabrieeeel 0
@Mermaid You ugly girls trying to bitch people make yourselves interresting. Stop commentaing on each FML to bitch the people. FYL
MadaZer0 8
Burning ass sensation!!!! That was the point little mermaid~
delaney16 0
that would ******* hurt u ass
ButtNekked 0
Let me wipe my ass with red toilet paper Hurr Durr
KASHMIR_fml 0
exactly. like seriously, u cudnt see red toilet paper??? are u legaly blonde? I mean blind???
Shamzzz 0
Blonde racisim or somehing
hellokittywhore 0
maybe it was dark plus Tabasco sause isn't that red it's a kind of cloudy red. I would understand of he didn't see it.
cowgod 0
your friend is stupid. **** sauce would have been way better
ImRawrtastic 0
wow..
ImaginaryFoe 1
Tara FTW. You didn't see, feel, or smell anything unusual about the tp? YTDI
IDOLGIRL 0
41 and 43 said exactly what I was going to say...red TP should have been your first clue
GeoThermalSleuth 0
The Pain Means It's Working!
StoryOfTheYear 15
how in the world did he not notice the red on the paper??
Gulo_fml 0
I agree, and have to say this is a "YDI" thing. Tolet paper is white. Tobasco sauce is a reddish color. What did you think was on the toilet paper? Blood? Did you even look? Either way, I would not be using that paper to wipe my ass.
Pointy130 0
It's even funnier that you didn't notice that it was red.
Reyo 2
If I were the OP, I'd be more worried at his habit of not looking at whatever he's about to put near his private parts. What if the next time they decide to switch your toilet paper for a bear trap?
GeoThermalSleuth 0
Then OP will learn a painful lesson. Bear traps don't belong in the bathroom, and his friends want to murder him.
HeresReality 0
so freaking fake. like you wouldn't freaking notice red toilet paper
BigBoii123456 0
hahahaha wow . I bet u got one hot ass ;)
jeaniechic 0
damn, the op must be completely oblivious to his toilet paper , wouldn't he notice it was red?
DonkeyDelight 0
I imagine this was amusing to watch. But seriously, you didn't see a red liquid on the toilet paper?
zukinihudini 0
ouch
Jenmaree 9
This is bullcrap.
babybubz 0
104 made me lol..
yottskry 0
My toilet paper isn't white, it's yellow because that matches our bathroom. At my Mom's house the toilet paper is blue for the same reason. Can't you get coloured toilet paper over there or something?!
drano 0
@ all the people replying to #3... he never said that he actually used the toilet paper. his friends could have covered all his tp in tabasco sauce, and the FML was that he had to use socks to clean it up ...eh maybe im being too logical, maybe he did stick red toilet paper up his ass (And I just read #4 right after posting this, hey!)
SLKBlack96 5
holy shit
zac12345 0
Dang Canadians.....
eeeeeeee 5
Is this FML about how idiotic your friends are? Because you didn't mention using it.
skyshark 0
I think the OP forgot to mention how much they like to have a burning sensation in the ass.
eniiwa 0
^
PwnerJohn 0
maybe you need to use it to find out what is was? >.>
PurpleSquirrel 0
awesome sauce plz?
Hiropon 0
Yes yes. Literally. And you didn't notice that your toilet paper was reddish orange?
jinky58 0
you would notice, therefore, I don't believe the tp met an ass.
Ajjas013 6
He's the cool kinda guy with flowers on his toilet paper. ...I bet he sits down. YDI
KayBizz 0
same way girls complain bout the toilet seat being up. I mean srsly. who doesn't look down before they sit wit their pants off? let alone wiping of the anus
AngryNinja 1
we think that if you men need the seat up, you can put it down. we aren't your mothers. my mom has my brothers and dad trained to put the seat down. that's just the way it goes.
squirms 0
Same goes for you. If you need the seat down, then you can put it down. And I think you meant "whipped" instead of "trained" there. :)
MissRachieee 3
we shouldn't have to put the seat down because guys should do it themselves because they put it up in the first place. guys should just go piss in a bush if they can't learn to put the seat down when they're done.
Freeze_fml 17
You're totally right. God forbid you waste at most three seconds tipping the seat over! We don't bitch when women leave the seat down, same applies here. Get over it.
MissRachieee 3
Freeze, toliet seats belong down. That's why you can't bitch about it. The only reason they probably make seats that go up and down on toliets is because guys are too ******* disgusting and so stupid that they can't comprehend shit like putting a seat down.
Freeze_fml 17
I think MissRachieee is under the impression that men piss while sitting down.
tyoung_1313 3
MissRachieee you just have penis envy and are jealous that you dont have the right equipment or even the brainpower to aim where your peeing.
aeiouxuoiea 0
really? lol really? more sexist arguing on FML? he's not going to change his mind, obviously, and neither will you
CyclonePsycho 1
Imma hafta agree with MissRachieee here. Men use toliet seats too (unless you guys poo standing up), but women don't ever really need to lift them. Therefore, it is safe to assume the standard position for the seat is down since the majority of the time it's being used. But that's just for the sake of the argument. Really, it doesn't matter if the seat is down or up or not attached at all. Like Freeze pointed out above, it takes all of three seconds to remedy the problem. You all should be arguing about something more important. Like, whose turn is it to wash the dishes, or something. :B
MissRachieee 3
wow. you're smart. YES, people, I HAVE A PENIS. I'm a "MISS" and have a penis. I'm some godforsaken tranny. yes, my penis HUGE. ah, you should see it. wow, **** you dumbass.
MissRachieee 3
Freeze; OHMYGOSH. Men stand up while peeing?!? I had nooo ******* idea! Thanks, for the lesson. Fuckxyou, MissRachieee
MissRachieee 3
whoops, misread that comment, tyoung_1313. but, yes, i'm veryyy envious because i can't aim where my piss goes. i should go cry in a corner and pray to god that in the morning i'll wake up with a penis. hmm, wow. why should i care if i can aim my piss or not? it's all going down the toilet. anyways, most men can't aim worth SHIT. maybe if you dumbasses could learn to aim we wouldn't have the up-down toilet seat problem; that way us, women, could sit down without having piss on our ass.
MissRachieee 3
My day has been fine, thank you very much! Anyways, in my house my stepdad is germophobic so he nevers pees on the seat. But my stupid 13 year old brother ALWAYS pees and gets poop on the seat. It's utterly disgusting!
babybubz 0
seat up or down
babybubz 0
WTF... as I was saying the seat up or down really isn't a HUGE issue when it literally takes a few seconds to adjust to your needs. it looks better down though but it sucks if you expect it to be down ..in the middle of the night ..when you wake up to pee ..and you're half asleep ..and a female.........
lilbz76 0
I agree it really should be you guys that have to put the toilet seat down,cause ya''ll need it down for both number1 and 2, where we only need it down for 2. And BTW, who the hell started this crap about it being our responsibility. One more thing, If I was your father or brother and I read this, I would slap the **** outta your dumb ass saying they were trained. girl you gots some ****** nerve...
chetchatter 5
um... y the **** it matter if the seat is up or down?? does it really ******* matter???
icecreammintz 0
missrachie or wtf idc this is why you will be single with 10 cats or you are lesbian in that case okay, JUST STFU AND GFYS
scottydosntkno 1
thats awesome lol
triple_c 2
I have to try this some time. That is a great idea!
Poetic_catfish 0
LOL that's got to burn like hell. Have fun not being able to sit down this week, fyl
taycandy96 2
ouch burn that sounds like it was hot
xKazama_Blood 0
One question: WHY?!!!