Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37261) - you totally deserved it (1721)
On 09/15/2009 at 2:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Do what Jordan had Dr. Cox do on that one episode of Scrubs.
Reverse vasectomy!
#1 - On 09/15/2009 at 5:10pm by allmidnighteyes
Could you be a bigger ass right now?
Could you *HAVE* a bigger ass right now?
#75 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:22pm by allmidnighteyes
Yes, you can get a reversal, but it's no guarantee that it will work. I loved that episode. He got a vasectomy, she got pissed about it, so he got it reversed, then they decided he should get the vasectomy, so he got it done again.
Does anyone not see what he did here? Maybe she doesn't put out as much as he would like. Maybe he doesnt like using condoms and she isn't on the pill or anything. Or maybe its all of the above. He gets the procedure done, doesn't tell her about it and he's getting laid until she's pregnant.
i would totally go with u being pregnant then just go with it n if he tries to deny "the baby" ask y would u deny it then get him to confess.
#135 - On 09/16/2009 at 9:51am by kflaherty008
That's awful he wasn't truthful to you about something like that. Talk him into getting it reversed. That's unfair to you if he's lying about something like that.
#4 - On 09/15/2009 at 5:12pm by OhhxGoshhxAri
Is he the one who told you? Because if he's not, and if you're the extremely vengeful type, you should get pregnant (sperm bank or other method) and surprise him right back with the happy news.
I feel so bad for you!! I'd go to a sperm bank and create a super baby with someone elses sperm, don't tell your husband, and say he got you preggers.
That's overkill for revenge, he obviously doesn't want kids, and although he does deserve to be kicked in the balls for lying about that, making him help raise a baby for 18 years?
So why does she have to be the one to sacrifice what she wants in life? If she wants children, she shouldn't be denied that just because he disagrees.
This is a conversation that needed to happen BEFORE marriage. Considering the husband clearly wasn't willing to have it at all, he gets the blame. FYL.
Actually, as long as they're still married and doesn't have any previous kids, yes she has to give up on that as long as he won't compromise, and if he's willing to lie to her the odds are he won't. If niether will compromise then they should get a divorce.
He gets your hopes up for a few months and cruelly drops them, you make him help take care of a baby for 18 years. Seems like overkill for revenge.
Although I do agree this conversation should've come up before marriage.
Why someone would want a kid in the first place is beyond me, and why women seem to in general want kids more than men is even further beyond me (since they go through child birth), I'd personally rather get stabbed but different strokes for different (masochistic) folks :P
Wow thats really horrible that he lied to you about the vasectomy, it probably made you think something was wrong with you since thats one of the first thoughts most women have when trying to get pregnant. He shouldve manned up and told you that he had a vasectomy that way you could make a decision as a couple to either reverse it, adopt or decide whether or not you both want more children. Sounds like you two have a lot of talking to do, hopefully he will be truthful from here on out.
I don't think anyone realizes that he did this for all the sex involved.
That said, I'm really sorry that he did that to you, and I agree with 'loled1337', go to a sperm bank, and make him think it didn't work or that you cheated when you really didn't, and then tell him afterwards.
THEN HE'LL KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE LIED TO!
That is such a horrible Idea.
"I'll get you back! I'll get pregnant with a stranger (or looks-good-on-paper)'s sperm to get you back!"
#77 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:24pm by TheHeroOfTime
instead of ACTUALLY getting pregnant, why not fake the pregnancy and then have him drive himself crazy wondering how. that way, u cant get called a hoe when he realizes that you got pregnant by some else. a lot less guilt
Because seeing the husband hasn't had a child since his first child after the vasectomy, I'm pretty sure he'd be a smart enough man to figure out that he'd been cheated on if the OP decided to say she was pregnant.
Reason being, a story was floating around the internet not too long ago that a guy had a vasectomy. Well come to find out, his girlfriend at the time stated she was pregnant. He kept his cool but finally confronted her after she said it was his and she wouldn't have an abortion. When he told her that it was damn near impossible for him to have kids, she admitted that she had a one-night stand with a guy but he (BF) was a better man and would make a better father.
Surely if he had a vasectomy and you were having sex without protection you would notice you know... the lack of sperm? :/
i dont think she can see the sperm, since its microscopic and all...men still ejaculate semen it just doesnt have sperm in it
plexico,
You are confused. It is still possible for some to escape.
#74 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:21pm by solipsistic
It's actually not, it's just possible to have a reverse-vasectomy 70% chance if I'm correct, if not, it's not a 70% chance.
#79 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:25pm by TheHeroOfTime
Plexico, read a human sexuality book.
Your little lesson made you sound like a smart ass.
#95 - On 09/15/2009 at 8:36pm by O_HALEZ_NAW
Solip, yes it's possible, but it takes several thousands of sperm to get someone pregnant. The first sperm to touch the egg is not necessarily the one to fertilize it. It actually takes a barrage of sperm to weaken the outer "shell" of the egg before one can actually get in.
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
...uh. why do you want kids? he did you a favor.
#23 - On 09/15/2009 at 5:28pm by muffinsareyummy
I wouldn't advise any revenge plan involving conceiving as a means of retaliation. We're talking about a child here.
However, something as fundamental to a relationship as the decision to build a family together makes this lie absolutely despicable. So much for all those straight-laced people always bashing single moms' FMLs to the tune of "YDI for not marrying him before getting pregnant." Well the OP did. And what good does that do her? So nothing is ever all black or all white.
In this particular instance, it is borderline fraud. Most young women marry with the intention of having children, or at least with all the facts they need to know about their boyfriend to make an informed decision. OP clearly wanted children and I would assume her husband knew that before marrying her.
OP, if you love him you will be tempted to forgive and compromise on your desire to be a mother. Don't. Think about the magnitude of that deception and about how you are going to trust him on other issues in the future. If he could do that to you, what WOULDN'T he do?
I say divorce his ass. Heck, if you haven't been married that long, you can try and get an annulment for fraud. I'm not sure it would fly but you deserve a clean slate.
As funny as it would be to see the look on his face when you tell him "Honey! you were right it finally happened!" I have to agree, getting pregnant for revenge, while quite hilarious, is probably not the most efficient method of getting him back in the long term... considering you would then be stuck raising a child either by yourself or with a lying ass.
I do have to agree though, don't even think of forgiving him for this. A person capable of telling a lie of that magnitude directly to your face while sharing the most intimate of moments with you is most likely capable of telling you anything.
You could always sew his balls to the bed sheets and them scream real loud in the middle of the night to see the look on his face when he tries to jump up.
Funny, simple, no long term side effects. You get a good laugh out of it. What better revenge plan could you ask for (assuming you are one of those people who just has to fucking have the last laugh).
#43 - On 09/15/2009 at 6:08pm by lets_be_ian
Well, assuming that it isn't her husband himself who fessed up to his lie and that she found out via some other mean, she could just always lie back to him and *claim* to be pregnant just to see his reaction. And when he tells her, astounded and furious, that it's impossible because he made sure it wouldn't happen, she'd go: "No no, I assure you. Actually I think I'm giving birth right nowwwaaaaaAAGH!" ...and pull out divorce papers from under her shirt.
OP probably kicked him in the nuts after she found out and left him infertile anyway.
#27 - On 09/15/2009 at 5:34pm by Witchcraft
If you really want a baby, I suggest going to a sperm bank. Don't bother getting it reversed, because it honestly sounds like he doesn't want a baby. Yeah, you can get back at him, but would that really help the marriage?
It depends on what the hospital offers. It also depends on the person's income.
#45 - On 09/15/2009 at 6:10pm by O_HALEZ_NAW
I agree...and at the VERY latest he should have said something when she told him she wanted kids with him someday.
#66 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:13pm by Puolukka
Seems to me that this is something that he should have told you before you got married. like as soon as the relationship started looking serious. you should have had this information before you decided to pursue a relationship with him. If having a baby is important to you, you should have known first. and then to get a lot of sex from you under the guise of trying to make a baby? What a jerk.
On the up side you won't have a baby with a jerk who lies to you & has 0 regard for your feelings. Now that you know what kind of person he is do you even really want a kid with him? Imagine when he plays stupid mind fucks like that on his son/daughter
Sounds like a sperm bank is gonna be your best option. Then you have a lesser chance or your kid ending up being a douche like your husband.
#32 - On 09/15/2009 at 5:42pm by surferbabe
I can't believe people are really suggesting that she should get pregnant by someone else and lie to him about it. Do you really think she should use an infant as revenge?! Dragging a child into this is not the answer, and you're all despicable for saying so! What kind of monster uses a baby like that?
#35 - On 09/15/2009 at 5:51pm by bigcrazymike
Exactly! I mean, "Oh, yeah. This baby isn't yours! IN YOUR FACE!!!!" Some of the people on this site are just young and immature. Or just immature.
#37 - On 09/15/2009 at 5:56pm by O_HALEZ_NAW
I'm against lying to him too.
But I support her telling him outright "Get potent or I'm making babies with someone else."
It's more of an ultimatum than suggesting she should actually sleep with someone else.
After all the dishonesty he's shown her, what it all boils down to really is a 'give me or get out' message.
I don't know...I don't think she'd really be using a baby for revenge. She is getting pregnant for revenge, but she's wanted a baby all along. It's not like she's going to throw it out after she pisses him off.
#58 - On 09/15/2009 at 6:59pm by cherlana32
Today, I found out that my conception happened at a doctors office, with a strangers sperm, for revenge against my mom's husband. FML.
well you can reverse a vasectomy within 10 years of having one, although I doubt you'll wanna have kids with the trick now
#36 - On 09/15/2009 at 5:56pm by justmyluck1212
yeah, as much as I want to jump in with the jokes, I have to point out that the two of you obviously have different desires. You want kids and he doesn't. You want the truth and he wants to get laid. You want to get pregnant and he wants to lie to you about it.
at least you know and you can move on.
I wish I could be a guy.
What's the guy's obligation to bring me after sex?
Chocolate? I'd rather have a fucking sammich.
That's it.
I'm getting a sex change.
#49 - On 09/15/2009 at 6:22pm by Intoxicunt
haha fuck plexico, that was hilarious. i am still cracking up. haha.
op, your husband is an asshole. if that happened to me, i would leave him. not because he doesn't want another kid, although some people would leave him for that, but because he led you on. don't lie back to him because then you are all caught in a circle of lies and then you both will hate each other forever. i think you should leave him, but maybe you can work something out?
#51 - On 09/15/2009 at 6:24pm by mileycyruslvrrrr
Even if I wasn't easily amused I'd probably still find the "Just like your spooge!" joke funny.
#85 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:42pm by Nakedsquirrel
It's spelled sandwich.
Saying "sammich" just makes you look dumb.
#100 - On 09/15/2009 at 9:32pm by TheLetterZero
Stop being such a stick in the mud, #100. Being that uptight makes you look even dumber. :\
#104 - On 09/15/2009 at 10:14pm by CyclonePsycho
Obligatory sammiches sound awesome.
I think I'm going to prepare sammiches beforehand and surprise my bedmate with them
"Close your eyes I have a surprise OH OH WHAT IS THIS WHAT IS THIS SANDWICHES FOR TWO SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE OH MY GOOOOD"
#159 - On 09/18/2009 at 1:56am by DameGreyWulf
That sucks but you better get knocked up if that's what you want. Make him get it reversed or pick a good looking guy screw him and have your baby that your husband didn't want
#42 - On 09/15/2009 at 6:06pm by Icantfindmymommy
Did you actually discuss having children, or did you just think that since you wanted kids and he already had one he did too? It kills me how many people get married and don't even talk about stuff like that until something like this--or an "oops!"--happens
Well, she said "he let me believe we were trying". Usually when a couple claims they are "trying" it means they've come together and made a conscious decision to conceive, as opposed to couples who kinda wing it and just have a baby whenever it happens. And his saying "It'll happen soon, baby" leads me to believe that for a while at least, he played along with the "yes, we're *trying* to conceive" bit.
#60 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:02pm by ihatestupidppl
Wow I'd be extremely angry. That's akin to an outright lie to your face.
You should just tell him straight, if I can't have a baby with you, I'll go have a baby with someone else.
He deserves it for being an asshole. Geez I would divorce his ass.
Well, dear OP, why don't you get a ready-made one? Are they less valuable because they don't share your precious genes? You can as well lactate for them if you wish, with all medicines available now.
That said, before my comment gets buried: it is despicable and shameful that he LIED about it. He should have been a man and made it clear he does not want more, and that's the point where your start negotiations.
Lol at least you know you're probably gonna get buried. I'm all for adoption too, but when are people gonna realize that some women want their OWN children? Like, nature or God or whatever deity you believe in made humans with the ability to reproduce for a reason. I'd be REALLY friggin offended if someone had told my mother when she was pregnant with me "Hey ya asshole, why didn't you just adopt? WAY TO GO". Like seriously, my parents, like many others, wanted their own child, they were happily married, they could afford it, so why not? All potential parents deserve the right to get the children the want, the way they want to go about it, without being made to feel like jerks. (I've seen adoptive parents be made to feel like jerks for not having their own too, so it goes both ways).
#65 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:11pm by ihatestupidppl
Agreed! If I ever settle down with the right guy I'd want to have a child of my own. However, I have always wanted to and am determined to adopt at least one child. Its something I've had on my mind since I was a child. Most women don't they want to experience it all for themselves at least once. Its a natural instinctive part of the human existence.
Don't lie. You know damn well that once you got pregnant and the child was born that you two wouldn't be having sex ever again. The man's a genious.
o_O
OP wrote he got the vasectomy after the birth of his son, not their son. Who knows how long ago that one was.
Still, He's an ass for lying like that. You should leave him and when he asks about it just tell him, "It was gonna happen sooner or later, baby." ;D
#64 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:11pm by f_my_flip_life
doggie3, really? they don't cut off your balls when you get a vasectomy. you're thinking of dogs getting neutered. they just put you out for an hour and snip your tubes so your ejaculate doesn't carry sperm in it anymore.
#78 - Could you BE any more of a fuckheaded moron right now?
#81 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:27pm by allmidnighteyes
While a lie of that magnitude is unforgivable..
..I'll give the guy props for preserving the sex life between you two for much longer than he likely would have. Even after you (hopefully) divorce him, he still would have rode the hobby horse with you more often than if you had gotten pregnant. From the looks of the FML, you weren't fucking him because you enjoyed it, but much moreso because you wanted a child. That right there is a sign that giving birth would have killed your sex life right there.
#86 - On 09/15/2009 at 7:48pm by Nakedsquirrel
FYL
Divorce this loser. If he couldn't be straight with you about something so important then he's not worth your time or consideration. If you want your own baby you can find a sperm bank or another, more kid friendly partner.
It's not worth it to try and get revenge because your time is worth so much more than that and it'll hurt him when you leave.
What an ass. Not for having a vasectomy, but for lying to you about it. What a moron, did he think you'd never find out?
Aww that sucks... you should TOTALLY kick him in the balls... it's not like it'd damage anything he wanted.
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
YDI for trying to have a kid and continue to overpopulate the planet.
#92 - On 09/15/2009 at 8:09pm by Jacks_Penguin
You'd think that'd be on the list of things to confess before you got married..."I'm allergic to cats; I have an obsession with Star Wars; I'm actually a woman; I got a vasectomy so we can't have children."
Just a thought.
what an A**hole. if he hid that from u imagine how many other things he's hiding you'll probably never know and for that you should drop him.
That was pretty insensative of him....hopefully you guys can work through that.
BTW, if any one you are interested in travel, look at my blog!
http://gefangene.webs.com/
Hmmm...
Guy's a major douchbag for that but on the other hand almost every time I go out somewhere I see a screeching banshee of a child and pity anyone who wants children. Maybe it's saved you alot of trouble if you're staying with him. If you're not, find a husband who isn't a complete asstwat.
#98 - On 09/15/2009 at 9:05pm by BelaLugosisdead
Make him get it reversed, the pain will be his punishment.
#99 - On 09/15/2009 at 9:26pm by disney_blonde
I've known many guys who had vasectomies and then had kids afterwards, so what's the FML?
#102 - On 09/15/2009 at 9:45pm by FlaminYawn
I think the fml part is that she's stuck with a husband that lies. And getting pregnant behind his back doesn't make her any better than him. However! Have a pregnant friend pee on a stick for you. I like that idea of pretending to be pregnant anyways and sees what he does.
THEN you can kick him in the balls.
#116 - On 09/16/2009 at 12:44am by hi_from_HI
Divorce.
Those saying "oh just get a sperm donor/adopt" are stupid. The man DOES NOT want kids, self-created or otherwise. He married her knowing she would want them. That makes him twice an ass.
While it's not bad to not want kids - I know I don't - it IS bad that he lied to her about it like that AND married her while she was under the belief that the lie was true. On top of that, all this "trying" probably made her feel like SHE was the infertile one. Way to go, husband, kill your wife's self-esteem why don't you. She deserves a thousand times better, a THOUSAND times better. There should be no forgiveness for this slimeball. He was obviously into OP just for free, unprotected sex, because if he really cared about her personally, he wouldn't have lied and would have just admitted to not wanting children.
#126 - On 09/16/2009 at 3:46am by DameGreyWulf
Wait...how do you know he married her knowing she wanted them?
Why do people get low self esteem if they think they're infertile? I would kill to have that mindset for just one day so I could wrap my head around it.
I can't stand "She deserves a thousand times better" type comments. You have no idea who the OP is or what they deserve. For all you know she's done plenty of things that make her deserve this.
Or, maybe he's just an idiot and didn't even think it through that far. Which could happen to semi-intelligent people.
I'm pretty sure it would be fairly obvious she's a kid-wanting type of person, especially since he was marrying her. And of course, she WAS trying for children, so obviously the topic had to have been brought up initially.
And in any case you need to have all the cards on the table before marrying someone. If you're unable to create children, you need to mention that.
You're right, I don't know her, but I know nobody deserves someone who would so blatantly lie like that.
AND I KNEW SOMEONE would bring it up. I don't know why people feel shitty when they can't reproduce, but they do. Probably related to why people would rather have their own kids instead of adopt. Probably something like "I'm not really a man/woman because I can't make more humans" or something (I know women are more likely to feel like that).
And you're disregarding the fact he's still an asshole for lying to her and making her think she was the problem.
#148 - On 09/16/2009 at 10:51pm by DameGreyWulf
fairly obvious that she's a Kid-wanting type of person? Bullshit, anything short of flat out saying " I want to have kids" will not penetrate the average male mind (I know it wouldn't penetrate mine :P ) enough for them to realise and remember "she wants kids".
Yes, I know, the topic had to come up at some point in one way or another, but it didn't have to come up before he married her.
I really wish FMLs were bigger so we could get a fuller picture though :\ . I think there is a good chance this guy is just an asshole and should be divorced. I just think there are probably some contexts where he is just an idiot instead of an asshole or maybe even niether.
But he did at some point know she wanted kids, and he should have said "well I can't have any and don't want any" instead of saying "oh okay it'll happen soon!" -- that's how he IS an asshole.
I agree that FMLs should be allowed to be bigger, though.
#156 - On 09/17/2009 at 10:51pm by DameGreyWulf
it's rare, but you can still get pregnant after a guy gets snipped. (Disagree with me all you want, I've heard of it happening)
#131 - On 09/16/2009 at 7:27am by lunarillusion
It is VERY rare, but it happened to my dad. After me he had the procedure. Then four years later they had my brother (accident, but my mother always called him a miracle). Twelve years later (after my parents divorced) him and my stepmom tried for a few years to have kids. They ended up having twins by artificial insemination.
hes one lucky guy. still kinda mean for not letting u know... but at least it felt good???
#134 - On 09/16/2009 at 9:23am by Blithe_626
Oh please, this is a rip-off of the plotline of an episode of American Dad. Which is in turn a cheap rip-off of Family Guy. Which is in turn a cheap rip-off of the Simpsons. That puts you on the third level of rip-offs, that's lame.
#136 - On 09/16/2009 at 9:56am by joethebiden
Simpsons --> South Park --> Family Guy --> American Dad
Plus you can't even use the Simpsons since they've been the longest running series to date and as South Park stated, "Simpsons did that."
It's not a rip off if they've been on air for so long that they've pretty much hit every subject they can think of.
"Simpsons did it"*** :O
However right when I saw this fml, I was like oh snap American Dad last night.
#140 - On 09/16/2009 at 12:25pm by shelboo
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#137 - On 09/16/2009 at 10:12am by Brak_Spaceman
U didn't know ur husband had a visectomy? Wowww trust issues right here
#146 - On 09/16/2009 at 6:29pm by HXCxSceneKidx
I know your feeling heartbroken but whatever you do don't leave him. Through sickness and through health.... not sex and fml.
Lol that's almost like saying "I know he beats you but you shouldn't leave him, because through sickness and health--!"
No I'm not comparing this man to a guy who beats his wife, but 147's logic is completely flawed.
#149 - On 09/16/2009 at 11:38pm by DameGreyWulf
Leave his ass. NOW. What a fucking asshole. I'm so sorry. This would be a total dealbreaker for me - the lying more than anything! I know what it feels like to TTC for a long time and wonder what's going on when you can't get prenant. What he did to you was intentional emotional abuse. He is scum.
#150 - On 09/16/2009 at 11:45pm by heatherewf
How did you not know he had a vasectomy? You can't have sex for at least a week afterward, depending on the dr. and how a man feels. This may be something you can pursue in court if you find the right lawyer. He deliberately mislead you into believing you are trying for children. I contact a lawyer!
#151 - On 09/17/2009 at 11:52am by FallenAnjel
And you think this is because your dad was still producing sperm? LOL
#152 - On 09/17/2009 at 11:54am by FallenAnjel
A vesectomy is a mans choice, like an abortion is a womans choice (not saying I am pro abortion).
If you take this to court, you'll get laughed out of every legal office in your area.
I mean, he was still trying right ;) just like he said
I hope you're not wit that jerkoff anymore.. anyone who deceives their partner like that doesnt deserve to be with someone
#157 - On 09/18/2009 at 12:54am by fs_ak
