Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
First date going well
Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML
Meat is murder
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Recycling at its finest
Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML
Confused?
Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Top comments
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
It's ok OP. You obviously have a brain or else you wouldn't have been able to post this.
mollyjynxjax 28
The word she was looking for was pescatarian (the term for someone who eats fish meat but not any other kind of meat). So she was stupid to be arrogant in the first place, and doubly so for getting the term wrong.
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Comments (250)
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
It's ok OP. You obviously have a brain or else you wouldn't have been able to post this.
Welshite 39
Your comment doesn't work for half of the members on this site.
reneetlovesyou 30
Sorry OP. She should have tried to explain that to you rather than make you feel dumb : That goes for anyone wether they are right or wrong.
mollyjynxjax 28
The word she was looking for was pescatarian (the term for someone who eats fish meat but not any other kind of meat). So she was stupid to be arrogant in the first place, and doubly so for getting the term wrong.
ComoEsJuan 24
12- I think they all have brains, just not to the level of others. Kinda like comparing a gorilla to a jellyfish....wait...okay, you're right.
IDontKnowWhoIAm04 24
I didn't know OP's girlfriend had an FML account?!
JKPwnage 27
So you're surprised that you didn't know that? Is that why you put the "?!" there?
Ashamed_Sister 60
It’s obvious that OP has a brain but maybe we just read the FML in a wrong way and OP’s girlfriend made a compliment. She could have muttered the comment about the brains a little bit later, sometime after she realized what she has ordered. Then it would be a compliment because she acknowledged that her boyfriend has the brains in their relationship and not she. Think positive, OP, it’s just a matter of your point of view.
diaspora_fml 26
This, however, requires no explanation.
KittenSandwich 9
#24 I think you're the girlfriend.
mageepaigeee44 15
#180 um no. You're reaching. I don't think that was what she was saying or else op wouldn't have posted the story to FML.
gracefs 11
This made me laugh out loud.
qyka1210 12
Sorry OP. Intelligence isn't directly correlated with knowledge; if anything she's the one being arrogant for expecting that to be obvious. don't feel bad(:
mollyjynxjax 28
Except that SHE was wrong... That would be a pescatarian, not a vegetarian. She still technically eats meat, but only fish meat
kenleybunch 15
Someone can be smart and not know/understand something like that. Common knowledge to one person isn't common knowledge to another. Though, she did seem like a total **** by the tone and wording of this FML.
ItsATwinThing 9
There is actually no argument whether a tomatoe is a fruit or vegetable. It has seeds, end of story, its a fruit.
anonymuse_fml 31
Botanically the tomato is indeed a fruit, but culinarily it's classified as a vegetable as you tend to have it for supper, not dessert. The US courts also ruled it as a vegetable back in the... 1940s? I don't remember what year, but they had to make a ruling as vegetables were taxed at the time while fruits were not. Thus, obviously, the US decided to class the tomato as a vegetable.
Jared900DUmpling 30
^ faith in the government lost.
jkmartinjk 16
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
JasonUMN 15
Sometimes it's best to just let people believe what they want to believe.
Gittoh 21
not if they are wrong >:C
nana_star 27
Women do not simply accept being wrong, unfortunately.
nana_star 27
I'm not saying that she's not wrong. Just that it's a woman thing
yerawizardlizzy 27
No, it's not a woman thing. It's an I'm too self-righteous and immature thing.
184886837272837 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well I know a lot of vegetarians actually do eat shrimp... my mom being one of them. Mostly because seafood isn't as bad for you as other processed meats.
carbivore 10
Eating seafood but no meat makes a person a pescatarian. You cannot be a vegetarian and eat shrimp.
ttubear 17
No. Vegetarians don't eat shrimp. Your mom is not a vegetarian.
applebramble 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Some people become vegens because they don't want to eat anything that has been alive . Some people become vegens because majority of the meat sold to you is bad for you or it's horrible processed meat . Seafood isn't that bad for you, less calories and more protein . They can choose seafood as their source of protein if they want to .
184886837272837 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yes I know technically they don't eat seafood. My point was that the term vegetarian is used in broader terms, and that many people who don't strictly abide by the rules of being a vegetarian still consider themselves one.
Welshite 39
#38: I have nothing against vegans or vegetarians, and respect their life choices. However, your argument that they don't want to eat anything previously alive is fundamentally flawed. Is vegetation not alive?
applebramble 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Crap forgot to put "pescatarian" in my comment... Sorry!
mollyjynxjax 28
@38 plants were once alive
romeonsingcross 15
This is where we introduce the term "semi-vegetarian"
shadow292627 8
#38 Vegans and vegetarians are two different things you know. Vegans don't eat anything from animals. Vegetarians eat products from animals like dairy, but don't eat meat. If someone only eats seafood and no other meat they're pescetarians.
TheMathMajor 26
I used to be a pescatarian, and often I would just tell people I was a vegetarian knowing they wouldn't know the other term and I was too lazy to explain the difference. So yeah, sometimes pescatarians describe themselves as vegetarians to people, but it's not accurate at all.
xerbrus 14
i care for all life so i stick to a steady diet of dirt and rocks all the while ignoring what's under a microscope
junkman6 22
Can I just say the difference between fish and processed meat is the same as the difference between a slab of steak and a processed meat. I just feel the need to clear that up because it seems every idiot personal trainer out there hears "no processed meat" and tries to cut any kind of meat out of people's diets.
Laurenlou 24
#77, I often do the same thing. I only tell people I'm a pescatarian when I am eating seafood in front of them. Otherwise, I just say vegetarian because I am also too lazy to explain what a pescatarian is to every Subway worker who takes my order.
JKPwnage 27
#SemiVegetarian
pseudolisa 2
Don't eat anything that has been alive? What do they eat then, since every plant was once alive?
smokecloud_ 37
131, I've been wondering that same thing myself since I first heard about vegetarianism as a small child.
gottageek 17
Plants can live up to 3 weeks after being cut, so really just being eaten alive more often than not.
metalcrazed 21
Look up the mercury content of fish,it can be bad for you.
d4m4s74 12
Vegetarians should just eat rocks.
DanielleinDC 33
No, it's not. "Semi-vegetarian" is like "sort of pregnant". One either is or is not a vegetarian. And if someone eats sea creatures, that person is called a pescatarian.
negb 30
150 - Your comment makes me feel bad although I'm not vegan, vegetarian or pescatarian.
nop200 3
So much stupidity in one place...
TheComedyAudio 29
Dump her.
saxybandgeek 14
Maybe she's pescetarian and you just thought she was vegetarian?
ttubear 17
Then she wouldn't have explained to him that vegetarians can eat shrimp, would she?
zwhite2712 12
Smart and a vegan. Definitely a keeper OP.
leary96 15
She's a vegetarian if she eats fish.
ttubear 17
Ugggh. Vegetarians don't eat fish.
leary96 15
A lot do, they consider fish, fish and not meat.
OptimusVader 23
That would make them pescatarian, not vegetarian. Different types of vegetarianism allow people to eat dairy or eggs, but not meat. Also #9, there's a big difference between vegetarian and vegan.
rocker_chick105 31
Can someone please explain to 9 and the other people who think it that vegans and vegetarians are NOT the same...
acerredrum 23
Vegans and Vegetarians are NOT the same. Vegans - eat/use absolutely no animal products what so ever (Meat, leather, eggs, milk. Vegetarians - Eat/use no products and involve animal death. (Meat, leather, gelatin.)
acerredrum 23
Also since when are we allowed to pick and choose what is and is not meat? By that logic I decide that chicken and pork aren't meat thus, I am currently a vegetarian.
drkate25 30
Well, in her defense, she's probably an ovo-lacto-pescatarian? Or more likely, she's just freaking dumb.
Spyingcheeseman 8
I actually didnt know vegetarians could eat shrimp. Cuz shrimp is technically meat from an animal. all of it. haha its ok OP.
ttubear 17
That's the point... Vegetarians don't eat shrimp.
leary96 15
A lot of vegetarians eat fish, it's vegans who you are thinking of.
mollyjynxjax 28
Vegetarians don't eat fish, pescatarians do
NiceGuysDoWin 21
Leary96 - You don't seem to get the point. Vegans do not consume any animal flesh or animal byproducts. Vegetarians will consume animal byproducts (eggs and milk) but will not consume the flesh of any animal (including shrimp and fish). A pescaterian is a vegetarian who makes an exception for fish. If she eats shrimp, she is not a vegetarian. She is a pescatarian.
DocBastard 38
As a carnivore, my response would have been to stare blankly and say, "Brains? BRAAAAIIIINNNNSSS!"