Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML
Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
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Top comments
BreynHope 11
Nothing says happy birthday like a clean asshole. Take it all in stride.
BlesstheSilence 11
Swiggity swooty he's coming for that booty!
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Comments (199)
BreynHope 11
Nothing says happy birthday like a clean asshole. Take it all in stride.
goliatron 9
Oh she'll be taking it all in, alright...that's why he got her the enema kit!
TheCanucklehead 22
What asshole. I rectum he's gonna get single
michaelaranda 28
Nothing beats practicality.
jw90 18
Cuz everyone likes a clean asshole nowadays.
Razor_Heart 4
and you know its a SHE how dont assume man i have a boyfriend and im not a girl
tanekdrachonae 19
In all honesty it's to clean you out in an hint at anal sex. Or that's his fetish.
littlem91 29
Because FMLs have a gender symbol, this one is female, silly.
guineagirl96 38
#61 it's got the female symbol next to her username....
jimmywithsalt 19
Haha!! Love this comment!!! :)
FiFiLovee 26
Hinting at surprise buttsex..? O_e
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Ah.. I love when someone tries to make a point and fails like a ******* moron. Honestly man, no one cares you have a boyfriend. Congratulations, what you do in your life is your choice. When you start acting a fool and parading around trying to make us look like we're in the wrong for assuming OP's a female, you make yourself look like a jackass. Have fun with your enemas, pal, no one gives a shit.
expertsmilee 26
79 - that's about the most perfect explanation on that topic ever.
KawaiiCupcake 14
So it's for cleaning ass holes? I'm slow so I don't know...
mFUNdo21 17
*prepare your anus*
Axipiter 24
This is the longest thread I've ever seen. And it really didn't have to be...
BrotherPhil 35
True, but the post does say that OP is from Venus.
ndomer 6
Seems more like she's from Uranus
rogerover 19
Look at the symbol by the op's name Mr
Kay_Kay27 13
#61 Cause up the top she tells us she's a girl by the little sign thing :/
mdw7 12
Your photo creeps me out.
LoopyLuuLuu 7
Not everyone uses the website to read these. in the FML app I'm using, it doesn't show the male/female symbols. Dude may not have realized it has that where most people follow these.
sig4life 18
Physical and Mental Perpetration. Happy Birthday.
Axipiter 24
Sorry, I meant the longest thread with irrelevant comments that shouldn't have been posted as replies to #1.
ShyAnn29 14
They are to clean your bowels out, some people like them, I don't get how people can like them, they are so uncomfortable!!
ndomer 6
A year or two ago they didn't allow you to expand comments on specific posts so everyone posted irrelevant comments on #1 so it would be seen higher up.
naiveprophet 15
#61, it says (woman) right after Anonymous.
JuliaaNoelle 26
That's not weird at all....
judea95 16
He's definitely hinting at something.
IHATEFMYLIFE 26
Exactly. I'm thinking he wants to try anal and wants to make sure it's clean and empty up there! Hahaha
Espolax 8
So he can watch football and look like he did u a solid
Espolax 8
Wow I read that so fast I thought it said antenna
marcranger 28
I was under the impression that the results of an enema aren't very solid.
Tdrizzzzzly 19
3, lol. "But I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend got me an antennae."
dianafuentes 17
maybe its a hint.
kozzard 17
that he thinks OP is full of shit
Jjimen1654 9
No 90* maybe hes hinting he wants anal.
mFUNdo21 17
what what in the butt
Axipiter 24
It's a trap!
Obey_StudBoii 23
A hint for buttsex.
TwiztedYuri 9
he wants to make sure his first anal experience is clean
bb97 3
Birthday sex
DFresh503 8
Silly OP, the enema wasn't your present. That was purely to prepare for it hahahah
cc1992 11
I'm imagining OP's reaction will be that of your profile picture!
TheBrochure 22
B-day b-sex.
rockne93 17
Be thankful he remembered, OP!
creepyclowntown 10
clean anal sex for him?
Nyx_fml 23
It seems like he wants to take your relationship to the next level. The "I'm gonna inject this liquid into your rectum" level. Sounds a bit like anal now that I think about it.
BlesstheSilence 11
Swiggity swooty he's coming for that booty!
Neyuu 18
Swiggity swag, he'll mount you like a stag!
x_the_lancer_x 13
Down voted only because you used the word swag, AND used it to rhyme.
Neyuu 18
Swiggity swag, he'll mount you like a stag!
Tdrizzzzzly 19
20, downvoted you because you used the word also
happle 21
Deer have such a great sense of humor. c:
Pancakes017 19
My picture says it all.
TheBrochure 22
#73, I saw #9's comment, and am so glad you commented that i just HAD to say something!
BlesstheSilence 11
Ha! My picture does too! xD
JordanExile 8
What happened here? This isn't tumblr!
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
????
utrax 23
Well now you get to clean yourself properly! Happy birthday OP, I hope you've had a great day!
Allennis44 16
Nothing says a great day like, "Let's do anal!"