Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
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Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night with a numb arm. When I tried to reposition it, it flew crazily and slapped my girlfriend in the face. My girlfriend, who was in a string of abusive relationships, and has severe PTSD. FML
Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 38
Either you have a weak shoulder or her head is the size of a watermelon.
MsConfusedd 27
Be thankful she didn't elbow your dick
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Comments (67)
jrandolph25 2
The worst is when your arm falls asleep
TheOneTC 8
Pretty sure what happened to the OP sounds worse than just an arm falling asleep
Sawarski 13
Yeah it hurt just a little bit more then my arm falling asleep.
Karalela44 15
must...not...correct! than* DAMN IT!
kj51 5
You are allowed to date whales now
pieman528 10
Whoa.. First time i see the op commenting...
Lant 6
This is the most typical thing for a girl to be a jerk about. O my hair makes your face really hot and your arm is falling asleep? Too bad we are spooning until we both fall asleep then you can wake up feeling like garbage
ScenicSubterfuge 39
I feel your pain!
TheKingOfHearts 19
@ #1 Especially during spoons
DocBastard 38
Either you have a weak shoulder or her head is the size of a watermelon.
onlychildFTW 33
Once dislocated they'll never be a tight as they once were.
zombieslayer83 19
I hate loose joints they don't pull as hard... Wait what?
Rogersmoonshine 7
It does sound like you may have overreacted a bit.
lacirenae 6
You must have never dislocated any part of your body, it hurts like hell!!!
rockstar362 8
I've dislocated my shoulder before and although it hurts, it really isn't the kind of pain one would scream over. Also the way OP says it makes me thinks he's overreacting "practically dislocated". Idk could be wrong just my opinion but I've never heard of such pain coming from a girl laying her head on a shoulder
rockstar362 8
I've dislocated my shoulder before and although it hurts, it really isn't the kind of pain one would scream over. Also the way OP says it makes me thinks he's overreacting "practically dislocated". Idk could be wrong just my opinion but I've never heard of such pain coming from a girl laying her head on a shoulder
PenguinBitch 43
I dislocated my pinkie before and it didn't hurt that much. A gorge of adrenaline over flew my body and soul. My body was tingling as if I been shot with ecstasy. The hair in the back if my neck rose and suddenly, I was taken upon a vessel.......
Rille_Krille 13
That sound more like an alien abduction to me
howdeedoo 22
But 28, don't you think a shoulder would be a lot worse than a pinkie?
capslockisgood 19
Some people have low pain thresholds. Calm down.
JONNBOY88 9
"Practically dislocated" does not mean dislocated. Grow a pair bro you are giving us men a bad name lol
bboy6694 4
Sounds like you went super Sayain to me...
gummybear1996 13
Screams of pain may be an exaggeration. He might just exclaimed ow a few times and then wrote screams of pain to sound more dramatic. I doubt it was actually bloodcurdling screams
fishstick557 14
Ouch! Get that checked if it still hurts
MitchellK 3
Yeah no shit.
MsConfusedd 27
Be thankful she didn't elbow your dick
HKCgrimmjow 15
Hmm I want to say be thankful she didn't dislocate your dick but... Naw.. Yeah be thankful she didn't dislocate your dick. Pretty sure that's something to scream over
gc327072 30
Is that even possible?
TheOneTC 8
Tell her you wanna sleep on her arm next time. That always stops their complaining.
tacojauns 45
You need to workout man
perdix 29
Let her know that it was an ironic term to use considering her copious farting.
perdix 29
#15, no, because that wouldn't be an "asshole move." ;)
gczizza1997 15
I know why you really screamed ;) you were planning on wanking tonight weren't you?
WcED 8
Yeah & he wanted to bust his load all over your pretty face.
starflyer59 17
Well that's a very rude thing to say.....
capslockisgood 19
Who the hell screams while they **********?
Camri_123 11
Bucky Larson.
gczizza1997 15
I was implying that he screamed because he was gonna use that arm tonight now he can't. To bad sarcasm can't be heard over the Internet.
SammySteel 6
38 - Edward Scissorhands
amillionbucks 5
She practically dislocated your arm? More like you're a crybaby and this is a pathetic excuse. YDI