Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML
Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
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Top comments
alyssabreanne90 16
That's actually pretty adorable!
Flaming_Pandas 15
Well, it sounds like you've gotten yourself into a shifty situat- *downvoted into the depths of hell*
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Comments (43)
whateverNA 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Payback? Lolll
sarah5745 41
Why would op payback? She's a young kid, so she probably didn't mean to intentionally embarrass her mum..
Flaming_Pandas 15
First comment, you had one job.
noah_1234 24
if you ever get first comment you got to take advantage of it like its your death wish. "some" people dont understand the importance...
theaaxis 27
Maybe he meant payback for the lame baby talk..? I know I'd want some!
Chiroptera_Man 10
That's what I was thinking :p daughter getting payback from mom always saying it
False_Stupidity 41
Shit gets real when it comes to #1.
Soloman212 28
Why is everyone thumbing down 1, and thumbing up 12 who obviously missed the joke?? I'm pretty sure he meant it's payback for OP saying that to her daughter when she was being potty trained.
messedup4ever 16
You've taught we well
sayyestothedress 24
OP sure did
alyssabreanne90 16
That's actually pretty adorable!
Uglyfeet 23
Exactly! Not really a FML, in my opinion, more like a cute moment in an akward situation ps: loved it, it's a favorite now
expertsmilee 26
The embarrassment is real.
Flaming_Pandas 15
Well, it sounds like you've gotten yourself into a shifty situat- *downvoted into the depths of hell*
expertsmilee 26
Dat shifty situation
Flaming_Pandas 15
We'll we'll we'll if it isn't autocorrect!
MrSassypants 33
#13 I think you need to read the FML again. Clearly you missed the part where she shifted into maximum overdrive to make it into the bathroom on time. And I'm totally not making this up at all.
laden_swallow09 34
Thanks a lot, 5. I spewed Cherry Coke out of my nose from laughing at your comment. It stings…
Flaming_Pandas 15
#29 They make cocaine in different flavors now? Either way, I don't think spraying it out of your nose is it's proper use.
fivetimeslonger 24
Your profile picture is a mindfuck.
juststephhere 23
But aren't you supposed to be coaching her on that? That's adorable though!
Lct1196 31
I guess op knows how her daughter feels now
noah_1234 24
that she feel really embarrassed till she wants to crawl under a rock and be forgotten about...
23lf 16
Double standards these days..
atav 17
How is this a double standard by any means?
nothing92x 13
Future motivational speaker in the making! She will make you understand that you can be better than number 2!
devildog562 33
Everybody Poops paid off teaching your kid what to say .
junkman6 22
I love that book!
chelll_yeah 13
That is the cutest thing I've heard today lmao