Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 39
Smart kid. She seems like the responsible sort.
flockz 19
scotch tape isn't safe enough. as her mother i hope you suggested duct tape.
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Comments (203)
J08J 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That moment when you want to read the comments of a FML, but it's a new one and has no comments.
relaxedninja 18
Thats what i was thinking...
Finola7 16
My thoughts exactly.
Finola7 16
I felt really disheartened when I saw there were no comments.
Welshite 39
I know, your life is so terrible. NO COMMENTS! Oh my god, whatever shall we do??!!?
whatthefreshhell 15
"Today, I went on FML to read the comments on a new post. There were no comments. FML."
CharresBarkrey 15
27 FML's posted, 1? Holy shit. Just how bad IS your life?
flockz 19
J08J is the first person ever to be disheartened to get first comment.
Lothem 4
**** your life because why? atleast she's using protection?
Welshite 39
Smart kid. She seems like the responsible sort.
EpicSquishii 21
I think it's ******* adorable :) if that was my daughter I'd have to fight to keep from chuckling.
lululatenight 28
That's hilarious
SMHsohard 22
This FML made my day. I would have had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, because it sounded like she was really serious, and embarrassing a tween usually doesn't end well. Later, the two of us would have a "girl talk" so she could have a basic understanding of what protection is really all about. But, really, this is freaking funny.
StalkerChick 13
It'll be a great story to tell when she gets older lol
skip_m 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
funny
iOceanus 18
...is what your comment is not.
Jeffo193 13
Ah well...you both tried. If this weren't on FML you might be given credit for that.
PhishloverA 14
Who said they were trying to be funny? Seems like you were trying to be but you epically failed, as you just made yourself look like a douche
flockz 19
scotch tape isn't safe enough. as her mother i hope you suggested duct tape.
NoFlippinWai 24
and a hammer. Just incase the duct tape doesnt work.
deadhead419 15
That escalated quickly
josh8215 21
Personally, I've always help a preference for electrical tape. It gives the moment that extra spark.
Pleonasm 35
She wanted to prevent herself from contracting Duct Lips.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Tape: Protection for Poor People
NeonCookies89 13
Thats a dick thing to say.
lambda_fml 40
Why did that get thumbed down? It was a smart comment.
SystemofaBlink41 27
I don't think I'm being a dick... I'm not pretty wealthy myself.
NeonCookies89 13
thank you...
josh8215 21
Did you just thank him for being not-so-wealthy?
whatthefreshhell 15
A kiss? How cute and innocent, especially considering some 11 year olds are pregnant.
SaxophoneHero 12
TLC is making a show on that soon "Toddlers in Tiaras with Babies in Their Bellies!"
Corrupt_waffles 13
Toddlers eat babies now? What is wrong with the world...
EVnIAS 13
#117 it's the easiest and most effective way of population control amongst children. They kill each other and only the strongest survive. That being said I loved your comment I made me laugh.
deadhead419 15
What the hell kinda 11 year olds you been hangin out with?
7yzzFML 17
What i want to know is what OP meant by when she said "I asked what she thought she was doing", sounds as if she was interrogating the daughter, which is quite inappropriate because kissing is very normal at that age.. Shame that theres parents like that
Corrupt_waffles 13
141- #40 said "Babies in their bellies". Unless you are eating children the fetus/baby should not be in any stomach.
Nintystar98 8
I think the point was that the daughter said the boy was "not her boyfriend". I tell my parents when I'm in a relationship. If she denied having a boyfriend, it's probably because her parents don't want her dating yet, and she went behind their backs.
xKeroseneHearts 9
Whatever happened to barely having your first kiss at that age... o.o Now kids that age are getting prego???? I barely had my first kids when I was 11!
Nhk_fml 4
#150 i agree I would have said sorry to interrupt and closed the door
SomeRandomGuy15 18
159- Your last sentence sorta contradicts the rest of your comment, so I'll assume you meant "kiss".
ckcortez 10
My mom cried when she found out about my first kiss at age 13. I think OP's daughter was just thinking ahead and OP raised her right.
7yzzFML 17
@180 Wow really, your mom actually cried at that?? No offense, but thats kind of pathetic.. I hope you grew out of her grasp
ckcortez 10
Well yeah, I come from a Hispanic, over-protective family. I don't know, I guess it's just that "my little girl is growing up" kind of thing.
ohSNAPyall 26
151 You really shouldn't be eating children, even for a reality show.
ltaper11 20
Smart thinking next time maybe duct tape though better barrier and gets rid of those pesky hairs
lndala 15
I think that was really cute. You're lucky she's already thinking about protection and it's only a kiss. Hopefully, she won't take it much further at her age.