Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
Today, I asked my mom why she drinks. She said she only drinks when she's depressed. My step-dad said she only drinks on the weekend. Those are the days I'm at her house. FML
Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML
Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home, she thanked me over and over again, and then said, "Thank god you have no life!" FML
Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 38
You should have told her that her uterus is so shriveled and dusty at her age that the threat of more pregnancies has passed.
xoxchelaxox08 17
if she really though you were going to be a disaster, she probably would have aborted you. I'm sure she was just joking, or she said that since you were nosing around in her personal business.
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Comments (114)
Chris5146 3
I just gave birth to a small child via the not so well known method of anal delivery, wee-woo!
Sirin_fml 46
Good job, we're proud of you!
the_flirtt 0
i feel bad for you.
KingDingALing 9
Congratulations, Chris. I bet that hurt like a son-of-a-bitch! Look on the bright side though, at least you won't have anymore problems with constipation since your butthole is so loose!
5t3ff1k4h 44
Chris - Did you name it yet?
DocBastard 38
My question to Chris is: how the **** did the baby get in there in the first place?
sourgirl101 28
The same way it came out of course.(:
zp5 4
you must be in a lot of pain, Chris. are you going to have another?
KingDingALing 9
I delivered the anal baby. It wasn't a pretty sight...
I_iz_B_a_troll 23
Blame it on the goose, gotcha feeling loose Blame it on the 'tron, catch me in a zone Blame it on the a-a-alcohol Blame it on the a-a-alcohol
SirHobnobs 0
And that kiddies is why the church us against Sodomy, but still congradulations to you Chris. Boy or girl?
sourgirl101 28
Am I the only one waiting for Chris to reply? We need these questions answered already!(:
the_flirtt 0
haha that song is soo lame 42 !
Eklypze 0
I'm pretty sure he means he took a crap
DocBastard 38
Eklypze, I'm 100% certain that's not what he meant, as some hysterically funny mod whose name probably rhymes with "High Sin" altered Chris' "FIRST!" post to something with a little more oomph.
Sirin_fml 46
Both the "i"s are like in "sin".
wwerulez14 6
In that case, Sirin, you are awesome.
moosemonkey1000 6
so its like sih-rin
Cheekylozza 3
Chris.. that's hot.
Cheekylozza 3
OHH, lovely!
zp5 4
I always thought Sirin was pronounced "Sigh-rin" not "Sih-rin"
I_iz_B_a_troll 23
I always thought it was pronounced "Sirin." Looks like I was right! ;D
jewban 3
17 but when he has diarreah....
sourgirl101 28
I always thought that Sirin's name meant the mythological creature, whom voice was so beautiful that men would follow it until their deaths. wee-woo?
DocBastard 38
KaySL, I swear if she bans you for revealing that, I'm gonna be pissed. At you, not her. Stop the goddamned useful comments and get back to being as irritating as sand in your shorts. Here, you can take a pot shot at me. I'll even make it easy: KaySL, your dumb. Ok, now you!
fritz2 0
ayame don't be a cinn. don't post boring page long comments! we all know what happened to cinn for doing that. WahaHaha
Zmeilerr 22
#83, I happen to like Cinn and her comments. So what if she gives good advice and posts intelligent comments? She's actually very nice if you ever get the chance to talk to her. Don't judge people.
Shutuptroll 0
83 what happened to Cinn?
cmac86 23
congrats, Chris! I hope it didn't drown in the toilet, though. far too many anal-born babies are killed everyday in that manner. WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?!
labratory5 0
best ******* comment ever
JayJaysGirl 0
That's 'Siren'
zaynismylove 2
vaginal birth is for people who wanna play by the rules~ Jenna marbles~
asianive 0
xD
iliketurdles 7
Dx
omgwork 0
hey OP are you that black? O.o
silbot 11
xD
Pixie333 6
Awww... that sucks!
madgolden 0
I find it hilarious. Plus his mother was probably kiddin around.
Dont_Explain 3
no, the point is they didn't suck.
asianive 0
HAHAHA at least she was honest. Avoid the Natty Light.
DahkLohd 4
Yeah...sometimes honesty is NOT the best policy, IMHO.
bo_peep 0
Ouch. That's a bummer op.
suckmyballz 1
Tell me you're pretty.
Domo_Arigato7 3
That's brutal XD
teeaitch 2
Your Mom sounds like a very sensitive person. tell her Thanks for the memories.
zp5 4
the way i read this FML was that you thought it was a problem that your mother didn't drink... other then that, sorry OP. at least your mom doesn't drink.
scarface90 8
if u only have enough money to buy condoms or beer...you go with the second one
lovebearrr 0
Oh dear! That's pretty unfortunate. Like you. (: