Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML
Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML
Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
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Top comments
lolol182 4
ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came
Socrates_fml 0
how did you answer/what happened?
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Comments (414)
lolol182 4
ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came
Tang35 0
haha u r so right!! :) if I were a guy id of been like, yes! now bow your head and pray already!
nosedive1994 0
I'd have been like "I'll decide when I come"
hellokittywhore 0
lmfao at 309!!! I'm soo gonna do this tonight!! or maybe the one where the girls giving her bf head and lots at him and gives him a thumbs up. XD
Selsa_Squirrel 0
There is much win in this one. U.U
Xtaci 0
#323 tell ur bf it tastes like chicken. see what he says lol
viper2426 0
should have cummed and said hallaluya!!
Humanspider 18
awesome!
aimzskee 30
What a mood killer
Socrates_fml 0
how did you answer/what happened?
meaganwas 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Jesus would most definitely want you to finish. He's a cool guy, so I'm told.
sockmonkey560 0
lol!
doglover_427 0
definately. xD he understands everything
GreatGeak 8
He's cool, but He'd never want you to start. ...He's the after marriage kinda guy. granted there'd be a lot less stories if people started waiting.
thegoods69 0
hey 3 you single jk
orgin1 0
win
l23VIVE 17
He's not real so how could have an opinion
little_red13 6
Yeah he is. Dick..
ProctorKProducti 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No, actually he's not. If you believe in a magical guy who lives in the sky and controls everything we do, I feel sorry for you and your future children.
colby6666 43
And so the fighting over religion begins...
bellwether 0
Well, do you?
lifeisaterriblem 6
no
jeffreebitch 0
Jeffrey Dahmer is mine ;)
LaChicaBonita 0
hell no! Jesus suckas! XP get real people
tumornamedmarla 0
HAHAHAHAH. I'm a girl, so I wouldn't particularly know, but something tells me there are fewer faster ways to lose a hard-on.
Adrian66_fml 0
Yes, jesus would most likely be an instant hard-on killer.
beerchen 0
LOL @ #3
misssweetsweet 0
WOW! I bet that was a bit disturbing... and confusing.
dawnie1001 0
Ya that will make everything crawl right up inside.
SaturnE_fml 0
Exactly! He was about to bust, and she wanted to ****!
blah_blah_bleh 0
This is probably one of the funniest FML's i've seen yet hahahahahahahahahahahaaha
waterydesire 0
.... Daaaayomnnn.. What a way to kill the mood.