Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Anticlimactic

Anticlimactic

By JC12345 - 18/03/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 976

You deserved it 13 829

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Same thing different taste

True love waits

By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/02/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 166

You deserved it 10 410

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:30 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 235

You deserved it 38 773

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 974

You deserved it 5 500

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 270

You deserved it 6 898

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 821

You deserved it 13 773

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 418

You deserved it 4 506

True Love Waits

By anonomus - 01/06/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 620

You deserved it 70 348

Un huh

By awkward - 26/07/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 140

You deserved it 7 251

Downhill from here

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 736

You deserved it 9 834

By ahhh - 03/08/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 939

You deserved it 7 347

leearm104 4

Sunday 20 March 2011 6:51

that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. youre definitely a virgin if you think you could confuse pussy with a hole in a mattress.

smdrager 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:43

We can't all be good... practice makes perfect.

Comments

green_199 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:11

Sleep with his best friend.

deadkenn8 0

Tuesday 27 April 2010 0:30

you deserve it for eating at applebees.

Danger716 0

Wednesday 29 September 2010 6:14

^ Win

BauerMegan 31

Sunday 2 June 2013 22:02

Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

lpaul49 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:22

Shit on his chest.

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:28

Tell him that he put it in the wrong hole or "that wasn't my you were *******. It was a hole in the mattress.. I just didn't want to embarrass you by telling you during sex"

leearm104 4

Sunday 20 March 2011 6:51

that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. youre definitely a virgin if you think you could confuse pussy with a hole in a mattress.

buckstop1 37

Monday 3 August 2015 15:30

Geez take a joke. I don't think #3 was being serious.

bitchh_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:33

What the ****. I agree with the first poster. Sleep with his best friend.

smdrager 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:43

We can't all be good... practice makes perfect.

bigcrazymike 6

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:45

It's not always good for guys. That's a common misconception. What's the big deal? At least he was honest.

Gawain_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:49

Haha....you know, you'd probably be a better **** if you got a sense of humor. Bet he was joking.

vyktor_fml 0

Friday 27 May 2011 23:52

That's what I was thinking. I think if we knew the rest of this conversation, this wouldn't be an FML.

formosababie 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:55

LOL what the **** number 2 hahahah

Syffer 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:59

#7: that's what I was thinking. That's exactly the kind of joke i'd do :D Of course I'd say it with a tone that implies I'm kidding, and I don't know how that guy said it.