Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75467) - you totally deserved it (2097)
On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
^^ /understatement
Finally a real FML. I am so sorry dude. I have no idea what you should do, other than the obvious killing of your brother and divorcing of the wifey.
#37 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:33pm by genius_man16
Lost a love and a family member. Good luck with the heartache... Takes a quarter of a man to do what your brother did, and a complete whore to do what your wife did. I hope you will soon acknowledge that they are never meant to be in your life.
#58 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:21pm by Kiwi_Splash
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
yes, you should kill your brother. or have sex with his wife and daughter if he does have one
FINALLY THEY GET A GOOD FML. Dude that hella sucks. you should dump that bitch and ship her to some random ass deserted fuckin island.
#89 - On 08/05/2009 at 9:02pm by BUDWEISER
U dumb shit. What the hell do you think incest is? My god, ur the person who thinks it's cool and normal to be screwing your cousin...
#108 - On 08/06/2009 at 12:14am by cuzitwasgood
yes...blood relation...that's still incest you dumbass
#113 - On 08/06/2009 at 12:40am by NCISagentMcGee
im so sorry for having a brother as a bastard and a wife as a whore, divorce her leave her with nothing and beat the shit out of your bro and make his love life miserable, go after every women he goes out with
#127 - On 08/06/2009 at 2:45am by persiancutie
that seems like the best option and preferably, do the beating with a baseball bat.
#117 - On 08/06/2009 at 1:12am by natsumosam92
Dude... Leave her, she is worthless. And disown your brother... No man should ever do that to family.
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
So what's the deal here, did your brother inherit all the family jewels or is he just better in the sack?
#8 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:07pm by skullbuster
Go ape shit on your brother, then slice the wife's throat and pour the wine down it.
just kidding about the second part, but seriously, fyl
#13 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:09pm by deprivedwriter
You can't possibly believe this. If you do, I hope you never have children. Some people are very, very good at hiding their second life.
Fo sho you can't make a ho' a housewife.
Seriously, if you take her back then I hope she fucks your dad next.
Don't take that shit, find someone better.
#50 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:07pm by sandiejenkins
I fell bad for you, but I'm sure you would feel MUCH better if you hacked them both to bits!
#20 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:14pm by Poonmagnet
oh man. heres what i would do. first break the bottle over her head. then cut his balls off with the sharp glass. and while theyre incapacitated, figure out some horrible things to do to them both.
Naw, there'll be lots and lots of make up sexes if he can forgive her.
And his brother will forever be in debt to him, plus his left testicle.
#30 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:23pm by desertrain
Yes, YOU may keep a gun in your car for incidents like that, but guns are illegal in the UK. You can't just go around shooting random people your wife sleeps with, even if you really want to.
#60 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:21pm by XOfiestypixie
A knife, or tire-iron can be functionally equivalent to a firearm. Cross-bow makes a spectacular statement.
And make no mistake, people do these dirty deeds every day, the world over.
Take them out for tea and raspberry scones and thank them for the life lesson.
Cut smile marks up your cheeks and terriorize Gotham; teach everyone a lesson.
Share the warmth of your manic pain. We all deserve it. Thank you FML. XD
I'm pretty sure you're either high or mentally impaired. which are you?
#31 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:25pm by desertrain
Oh, calm down you. Both. Neither. Pick one, w/e. After reading several posts of cutting necks open, slicing off testicles, stabbing family members with broken shards, etc -- the esculation of that was obviously facetious. eh... and I'm sure we really don't deserve it... =/
Revenge is often the first thought. But taking several deep breaths, and waiting 10 seconds before responding goes a long, long way.
I would spend my evening seething, crying, and writing down all the possible outcome scenarios.
A man who has options cannot be messed with.
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
YDI for not calling ur boyfriend to see if you bought u anything from eBay. asstard!
#35 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:29pm by epicFAIL_Sometim
hahahahahahah. you are more of an "assturd" because you don't even have the ability to call someone that. it's pathetic.
=O
Plexico knows British things!! Though I shouldn't be surprised, since it's Plexico. I would've been very disappointed if he was a "stereotypical" American. =)
#62 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:23pm by XOfiestypixie
=O
Plexico knows British things! Though I shouldn't be surprised, since it is plexico. I would've been very disappointed if he was a "stereotypical" American. =)
(hope that's what I put before...FML ate my comment =/ )
*edit* ugh...double post...stupid FML eating my comment then showing it again...
#64 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:25pm by XOfiestypixie
plexico, ftw. your comments are always much funnier than 95% of the fmls. perhaps you should start creating fake fmls and posting them, so we'd all have better posts to read.
but op: really, fyl dude, that sux. just sever communications with both of them, they aren't even worth the energy you would spend acquiring revenge.
#157 - On 08/06/2009 at 4:42pm by lessthanbee
Bro I'm so sorry and I feel your pain, but the best thing to do is dump her ass. I'm sure its not the first time it happened and I'm sure it won't be the last.
#39 - On 08/05/2009 at 5:39pm by partygirl1409
Today, I learned that resident FML critics need to get a life.
#48 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:03pm by ohnoyouDINT
Mm, next they'll be complaining about the "Today," format.
Or the FML at the end. tsk.
#104 - On 08/05/2009 at 11:07pm by the_commentator
It's bad enough when your partner cheats... even worse when it's with someone close to you. Ditch both their asses, they'll end up splitting and being unhappy and you'll be fancy free!
I dunno about over there, but on this side of the pond that's grounds for a great divorce in your favor in which you lose the cheating whore and basically leave her with nothing.
#47 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:03pm by fourwheelsoffury
This is what guns were made for.
Pull out either a sawn off or a rifle, and kneecap those hoes.
Then, as they cry and bleed on the floor, fire repeatedly in their arms and legs, gag them, and let them bleed to death.
Alternatively, mix some cyanide in with water in a deodorant can, just a small amount but enough to kill.
Spray it in their faces. Looks like a heart attack. Then dump the bodies in acid, and put the teeth under a tree in your back garden.
No evidence, you get off free.
Alternatively, divorce works, and disowning him works.
No, they will not get off free. If you've seen CSI, you know the cops will find them!
kidding. But still, the chances of them actually not getting caught are pretty low...and although I don't know the OP, he would probably have a guilty conscience since he likes to give "spontaneous romantic gestures". =)
#69 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:29pm by XOfiestypixie
And a pretty bad one, too. I mean, where do you plan on getting all that acid without alerting the authorities? And believe me, if your wife AND your brother happened to both go missing, you'd be the first person they investigated; especially if anyone knew about their affair, (and we all know no one can actually keep their mouth shut)!
Also, why would you even bother to try and make the death seem natural if you planned on destroying the bodies anyway? You need to work on your psycho plan before you go trying to impress people.
#141 - On 08/06/2009 at 6:58am by theanonimouse
If you truly wish to commit a crime, I you injected Prostaglandin into your brother/and or wife, although it would be suspicious if both died. Prostaglanding is a natural body substance, that in excess causes a heart attack, but even after death, your body will continue to build it off. As for the small injection wound, either find a way to scratch him with your wifes DNA, or make a small cut, making it look like a work accident, not an uncommon thing in males.
As for your wife, I suggest you either blame the case on her, by setting everything up nicely to look as though she did, so she can spend some jail time with some She-Males, or you redo the procedure, although it is rather unlikely that two people die of a heart attack during sex (Which would be the only way to even remotely relate the simultaneous cases of death)
That or you just say Fuck it, go to a bar, meet the nicest and sweetest girl, marry her, have children and live the Happiest life you could ever imagine, just make sure your cousin doesn't get his hands on her.
And no, I'm not Psycho, I'm a very peaceful person, this is just me trying to sound smart while preparing to write my stories ^^
Who are the stupid idiots that say "You deserved that" when it is clear that they didn't? I hate those people!
#52 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:12pm by youretoopicky
Make a homemade SAW movie and make them the stars. Fun fun fun.
May I suggest a bear trap around the wifeys neck? So many wonderfully dark things to do.
#56 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:18pm by DeathShad0
dont kill anyone, you'll go to jail. take all her money and never speak to your brother again. they'll both be eaten away by it.
i must say, people who write YDI for dumb things such as this are stupid. it's not his choice to have a brother now is it?
unless he has cheated on his wife, he doesnt deserve this :/
#105 - On 08/05/2009 at 11:36pm by InsanePlagued
that's shit!! sorry to hear that. seems like that's the thing to do is to cheat.
#66 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:26pm by Dracula212
Well hopefully she gets fucked over in the divorce proceedings. FYL.
#74 - On 08/05/2009 at 6:50pm by dramakat11
One more word of unsolicited advice:
Sleep late, watch the Macy's Parade, and consider enjoying your piping hot Thanksgiving dinner, with all the trimmings, at Denny's this year.
somebody was playing revenge big time. what did you do to piss both of them off this much? there's a Klingon prophecy in here somewhere.
#82 - On 08/05/2009 at 7:23pm by johnpettyjohnpet
Holy shit man, I can't imagine being in that situation.
Your wife clearly does not deserve you. Once you are healed of your heartache, I'm sure you will find someone better.
#83 - On 08/05/2009 at 7:56pm by futurecatlady
DUDE, that sucks so bad!
First thing I would do is kick my brother's ass.
Second thing I would do is have a talk with my "wife".
#84 - On 08/05/2009 at 7:56pm by kennythedude
A true FML right here. I'm so sorry. Kill both of them or..Does your brother have a wife? Or does your wife have a sister? Enough said.
#85 - On 08/05/2009 at 8:02pm by ericalew_xo
It takes two people to make this type of mistake. They are both family and neither of them should have betrayed him. And how do you know who flirted with who? You don't know these people. You don't know what happened between his wife and brother. Let's just leave it at this: it's both the wife and brother's fault. OP has married the wrong person, and is stuck with a sad excuse for a brother.
Oh man, that sucks so bad. Sorry dude. Divorce her and kick the crap out of your brother!
#90 - On 08/05/2009 at 9:05pm by Whatevers_clever
Divorce her and crack your brother's skull open. In front of the family. Because he deserves it, the nerve of the wanker. Her's too, if you're in the mood.
FYL for having a skank as a wife. FYL for having an ass as a brother. FYL for finding out the hard way. this is a true FML.
#97 - On 08/05/2009 at 10:13pm by triplethreat13
I'm so sorry to hear that. So much for family and marriage.
#99 - On 08/05/2009 at 10:29pm by p00p0ster0us
Jeez, you should be grateful it wasn't your sister. Or her brother.
I'm just kidding. Have a nice marriage. Or what's left of it.
Dear OP,
Heartfelt/Wry FYL. Similar thing happened to myself with a girlfriend of a year(living together, dual accounts; maybe a few months from proposing) and my best friend since kindergarten(family for all intents and purposes). I really only clearly remember going into the kitchen, getting a bottle of wine & an opener, then going into my office and calling a moving company, then his girlfriend of two years. Then smoking/drinking the rest of the day away watching BBC business news. Next day, all of the above were out of my life and it... really actually sucks.
My advice: you'll have just as many questions regarding your 'guilt' in this as they'll both have justifications for it 'just' happening. Dispel all and move on asap; there's no time for this nonsense!
Simply put, with people- you just never know.
#109 - On 08/06/2009 at 12:16am by justanotherhuman
lmao. when i first read this, i read it as she was busy having sex with her brother. i was like WOW. INCEST.
but still, fyl nonetheless.
have sex with her sister?
I say, instead of fucking your brother's wife if he's married, tell her and all your brothers/sister and parents about it. Everyone will hate him and he'll die grieving.
Btw, your wife sounds horny; would you be kind enough to give me her number? ;)
In the words of Bill Engvall:
I believe that guns don't kill people...husbands that come home early do
#119 - On 08/06/2009 at 1:22am by evangldbrg
Welcome to the reality man. Guys like us who are nice, romantic and even spontaneous at times are the ones that get screwed over by chicks. Even though the entire media tries to fuck us over by showing how women always want these qualities in men, its all a bullshit propaganda. They need men like us as "fallback" resorts but want to fuck around with other assholes out there. Its the truth. Very less women actually want what we men believe they want. To hell with your wife, shes probably gonna cheat on the next person shes with anyways. You should never forgive your brother for this either, what kind of a brother is he? Asswipe. Go out and seek girls that deserve you, they ARE out there.
#121 - On 08/06/2009 at 1:52am by OhSoInsane
maybe pick better women. guys that complain about this usually go for the girlie manipulators.
choose better. its better to be alone than with the wrong person
Like #136 said, not all girls are like that. Some of us actually like nice guys and enjoy being with them just fine. Not all girls are manipulators. Maybe you're just a bad judge of character when you become infatuated with someone. Girl manipulators are sometimes more obvious than guy manipulators (to those around them), and usually your friends will be able to tell if you're being used like that.
Either way, FYL OP. I hope things work out for you (whatever you decide to do).
i wont have these problems wen i get married i hav a sister unless my wife becomes a lesbo
#123 - On 08/06/2009 at 2:00am by shotlilaussie
I feel your pain on this bro. No word strong enough to disparage either of these two in English, Spanish, or any other language available to me. That is the worst FML I've read on here.
I would murder my brother if he did that. Then again, you probably shouldn't do that. I would send him to the hospital though. Make sure he loses some of his eye-sight.
#129 - On 08/06/2009 at 3:04am by German_Guy
OP, divorce your wife & then leave them (your ex-wife & brother) forever, thats the best for you & them.
#132 - On 08/06/2009 at 3:21am by Antivirus
Shit man...yell the hell out of your brother and disown him basically. Don't act sick and "kill" him. Your wife is not good and your brother isn't good...thats horrible. DIVORCE.
#133 - On 08/06/2009 at 3:23am by looking_glass
I'm pretty sure your brother wins the SHITTIEST BROTHER ALIVE AWARD. Wow, that's just terrible. Shit brother, shit wife. FYL.
#135 - On 08/06/2009 at 3:54am by fucklifeee
Aww your sweet, your wife and brother...not so much. I believe it is time for a little thing we call divorce and being pissed at your brother, don't you?
#138 - On 08/06/2009 at 4:21am by panikashadows
bros before hoes MY ASS !!! am sorry dude for what happend your bro is a backstabber and your wife is a total BITCH !! divorce that that bitch kick her on the streets and your bro tell your whole family members who he really is a dog and a backstabber ,, and dont kill your brother nor your wife just throw them away from you life and i hope you get thru this messed up situation and start new life cheers !!
#139 - On 08/06/2009 at 5:03am by Arabian_Dude
Well, let's turn to the good Lord for an answer to this situation:
And LO, the LORD hath said: "And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death."
Either that or they're childless. I'm not sure which one.
("And if a man shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's nakedness; they shall be childless.")
#147 - On 08/06/2009 at 10:20am by theanonimouse
Perfect comment. Short, sweet, to the point, and exactly on target.
#150 - On 08/06/2009 at 12:48pm by honeyishrnkdakid
I find it really disturbing that people told you to murder them viciously. seriously. is that necessary??? just divorce HER, and never speak to HIM again. Karma will get them in time
#151 - On 08/06/2009 at 1:05pm by udumbidiot
Your brother needs the fuck beat out of him, no exceptions, and kick that bitch to the curb.
FYL for being surrounded by bastards and whores.
Don't forget to tell everyone in your family and everyone he knows (that will care) about what he did immediately. Ruin his life. Ruin the twat's life in the divorce, if possible.
#154 - On 08/06/2009 at 1:54pm by DameGreyWulf
That is so messed up. I would divorce your wife, beat the shit out of your brother, and then never talk to either of them again.
with your BROTHER!!! what a fucking skank slut bitch!!! and I hope you kicked your brothers ass real hard
#158 - On 08/06/2009 at 6:01pm by fatpeepsRfunny
Damn that sucks, I'm glad I'm not you because I would probably end up in jail if that happened to me.
That is absolutely terrible. Well, at least you don't have to share the wine now.
#163 - On 08/06/2009 at 11:20pm by lolatflyingducks
i'm sorry about you're whore of a wife and bastard of a brother. uhhhh. listen to the song 'Kim' by Eminem. it'll do you good :D . or turn you insane, which in turn is good in this situation !
you can "Hire" someone to take care of'em, if you know what i mean
#166 - On 08/07/2009 at 5:37am by BluEG0pher
idk what to say boi u more of a man than me cause i would of never made it to the computer to write this statement i would of been on cnn
#169 - On 08/07/2009 at 2:03pm by FlaBoiOn26s
LEAVE HER now. ew dude that's sick. with your brother.
#172 - On 08/08/2009 at 5:27am by yummylolly15
Damn. It's bad enough to have your spouse cheat on you, but with your own flesh and blood? What kind of guy would do that to his own brother?
It may sound immature, but in my opinion it would be excellent revenge to sleep with HIS wife if he has one.
Personally, I would see it as a free ticket out. Both of them are screwed. You are free to start over. Best that you found out now, rather than later. Just don't let the next one meet your brother.
you should have known that from the begining. did you at least knock? or let them finish?
#185 - On 08/26/2009 at 1:31pm by Tupperware
Sorry for ur luck dude. And don't dump her. Try to talk it out, mate. Far too many couples run straight down the divorce road. Is that what you want? I hope not...
To start off with, cancel her credit card, and move all your savings to an off shore account she cant touch, then deck your brother, divorce the bitch, and leave her with nothing, sell her car and take the money for that, and leave her with the clothes on her back, and her library card so she can go onto FML and post about her divorce.
#187 - On 09/03/2009 at 10:23am by Maxtor
I'm so sorry. People like your wife make me want to vomit
#195 - On 03/06/2010 at 1:42pm by niesenator
