Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
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Top comments
goshkoganwtf 0
Your mother is a bitch. No offence to you. But its just mean what she did Im sorry.
EmilyMarie 0
I say you should get pregnant and see how she responds. (Unless you're male I suppose.)
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Comments (320)
RHK_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's always hard to believe that there are parents out there that are this f***ed up. That sucks man, sorry to hear it.
Mcstroodlenugget 0
seriously, what a ******* bitch.
rightonlooser 0
Youre kidding!!! All abstinent people are doing that cause they cant get any!
victoria4161993 0
see my parents would be happy if I said that because they know I actualy can get laud any time I want
rightonlooser 0
So can anyone.except op. Youre nothing special.i also notice the IF I TOLD THEM THAT part. you have sex too much. *scold*
jjpavo 0
**** christianity snd religion in general
hater118 0
dumb ass
tminihan 0
214 is like me
YANKSFAN4EVER 0
Is it?
BrightSidegirl82 0
that's just tight. I feel for you...:(
chriswest54 0
****, suck my penis
Sacurason 0
Look at the bright side.....if you want to get laid, now you can! If your parents say something, you can call them hypocrites!!!! mwahahahha!!!
MiGman 5
thts not f'ed up my dad would encourage getting laid
Satoaoi 13
so true
goshkoganwtf 0
Your mother is a bitch. No offence to you. But its just mean what she did Im sorry.
ily4life 0
I would love it if my mom said that lol then she couldn't get mad if she walked in on me:D
alanspaz 6
uts better than her asking if he was gay or a *****...
hockeyplaya 0
exactly what my parents said.
Wargen 8
Mom FTW
lifeisaterriblem 6
same here.
Incredibly_Dope 0
I would've said, bitch please, and then walked out of the room.
Brooklynguy6 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hahahahahaha - ur mom is awesome
1ky1996 0
that's what I said
paashaasklaas 1
indeed
Jojo08_fml 0
agreed
EmilyMarie 0
I say you should get pregnant and see how she responds. (Unless you're male I suppose.)
PhasesPhantom 22
Male seahorses can hold babies
One_In_Three 24
I don't think male seahorses go on FML much these days.
Gringo_fml 0
With regards to what #5 get someone pregnant =]
zanguard 0
I second the motion
jSOPURE 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You must have a cool mother. Be proud. :)
jackson7787 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hahaha! Kudos to your mom.
Gawain_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
People who say that they choose to wait until marriage for sex usually don't have much of a choice in the matter. LOL
Etherial 0
I have a boyfriend who is very much into me and I into him, so believe me - I have a choice. And we've both chosen to wait until marriage. Some people actually appreciate how special it is when both partners start off a marriage well, TOGETHER. All the time you are together, you're getting to know each other and building your relationship to be together for the rest of your lives and then when you get married - sex is the last link to your relationship, what helps the two of you become one. :) And I gotta say, its been working great - my boyfriend and I have a better relationship than most other people around us. So yes, some people have a choice. ;)
BadPinkKitty07 0
@197... same here. that's awesome. :)
Chocolate_Chunk 2
@179: 1. your bf ***** other girls 2. if not 1., you only going to find out how much he sucks in bed when you can't just dump him anymore
HHA_fml 3
Respect
sithlordnergal 5
Ignore #225 and #211. I'm making the same choice to wait until I'm married before having sex. I've never cheated on a girlfriend before, I don't watch ****, and currently I'm 21. So those two, and anyone else who thinks that waiting is stupid, are wrong. And even better, by waiting you get to avoid EVERYTHING that comes with having premarital sex, from STDs to unexpected pregnancies. ^_^
JazzHandsFML 28
holy shit that's brilliant in regards to the first reply
I_Bite 22
#305 I do agree not all are compatible in bed, however if you have nothing to compare it to and have built that foundation on loving one another for their personality and how well you work as a team, the sexual side doesn't mean as much to you :)
shimmyya88 0
Sort of what #5 and #6 said, get a friend to play along that you are/you got her pregnant. All the fun with getting her freaked out but no after effects...like a child.
Rettt 0
the last sentence cracked me up lol