Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML
Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML
Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML
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Top comments
aleximo 18
Question is, do you really want to know what he did?
Varieus 30
He may have done nothing, and just finds the situation funny like an immature kid?
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Comments (129)
DaTerrier 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Rape? Lol
fsomelife 26
Ahahaha, man, that is so funny. Maybe you'll wake up itching all over one day too, since you're an all-around asshole.
arandomusernameaa 20
what did the comment say?
aleximo 18
Question is, do you really want to know what he did?
caohm 18
I wouldn't sleep around him any more if you can help it but if does happen again get some wasabi and put it where the sun don't shine. he'll be undone.
eatmorewaffles 9
47, That sounds like a horrid idea. Totally a lose lose situation.
datkenna 20
That's a rhetorical question...
hashshim 23
#70: And? Nobody tried answering the question, so what was the point of pointing out the obvious?
imaxmain 24
If its what we all thinking, he probably had anal sex with you while asleep. which is technically rape
piggybits 14
If you sleep so soundly that someone can have anal sex with you and you don't wake up then it's probably time to see a doctor
expectcriticism 13
the fact that you think someone could stay awake through anal sex might mean you need to see a doctor too.. maybe OP just needs to wipe better and the boyfriend was just laughing for the comment she made about her itchy buttocks
EphMi 5
if her bf had anal with her in her sleep, i don't think the correct feeling is itchy!
oicu812xD 16
I think you are right. I laughed when I read it just because of how she said it so that's probably why op's boyfriend laughed
tj79 3
That's what I was thinking. I would think that it would be less itchy and more pain
djinnyf 12
Depends on the boyfriend's thigny!!
xenomsftw 19
Thingy? What are you, a fourth grader?
lexiale 10
lexiale 10
Haha!!! seriously right?! Personally it's most likely she just needs to take better care of herself...don't blame it on your partner
cherokeecutie 13
I laughed a little too hard at this
Varieus 30
He may have done nothing, and just finds the situation funny like an immature kid?
aleximo 18
Now when I think of it I would probably have done the same thing as OP's boyfriend lol.
patrickalamo 47
"Immature kid" oh ya, but don't you think it is his "duty" to tell her.
ptoka 20
Tell her what? To wipe better?
bobsanction 18
Why is finding an itchy anus funny immature?
scott1092 9
Hopefully it's not what we are thinking.
LowExpectations 30
OP was previously constipated and took a big dookie?
mea_iloveskiing 26
I say what what
fsomelife 26
Itchy butt!
Lilxpie 18
In the butt.
katertott 44
Wow, everyone who voted down #20 clearly has not ventured into the depths of youtube and seen that music vid- or at least heard the song.
illegalbeagle69 23
Or everybody who downvoted 20 did it because 20 tried to correct a joke that was made about the video..
katertott 44
Hmm... looks to me like they were simply finishing the original comment, not correcting any other comments.
thatkidmal 15
That's creepy
cheshireau 26
He could have put a cream or lotion to make you itch. You would probably know if it was anal sex.
Ukeee_X 19
It's less of an itch anyway, more of an oh-god-why if not properly prepared for. Which would be difficult and illegal to do if sleeping :)
thief1434 23
Maybe he didn't do anything and thought it was funny? I have a feeling a lot of people might laugh if a friend/significant other told them that their butt itched.
frozen92_fml 12
I say it's spider eggs :0
thief1434 23
Das gross
Jasmeent11 15
Maybe he hadn't done anything, but just laughed because it's such a strange thing to say, which makes it funny? :) Edit: #4 beat me to it, in a way.
lenehey 7
I agree -- He probably just enjoyed hearing you say the word "anus.". Some guys just never grow up. Try some cortisone cream and if it doesn't go away, see your doctor.