Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my wife has implemented a point-based system for sex. The list she sent shows I can I earn, for example, 20 points for washing the dishes, 50 for vacuuming the house, but only 5 for walking the dog. I get some action for every 5,000 points I earn, which should take about 4 months if I really work at it. FML
Today, I told my husband I was making a points system for him to earn sex by doing chores and favors. He said, "Okay, I'll make one for dates. Every time you go five days without whining or nagging me, you get a date." I give up. FML
Today, my wife flat out refuses to have sex with me, ever. Most days it's "What have you done to earn sex?" then when I point out all I do (pay bills, work hard, take care of her, the kids and the house) it's, "Oh, so that means I owe you sex?" I even got that excuse on my birthday. FML
Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years-old. FML
Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that would kill my sex drive, just so she wouldn't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML
Today, after my wife set a new rule to improve my health, one sex session for every three visits to the gym, which has greatly improved our sex life for two months, and I've never been fitter, but now she complains I'm not keeping her company on the couch anymore. FML
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tanekdrachonae 19
Guess you should get to work then.
MelTheGreat 23
Sweep or weep.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (280)
tanekdrachonae 19
Guess you should get to work then.
horne2 9
Hey OP, are you finished with those errands?
Trooth 13
Well if she's going to treat you like a kid, don't forget the Barney music!
biggestfan23 11
Stand up for yourself OP! You don't have to go along with it just tell your wife you're not gonna play along with her stupid little hand
alliewillie 22
If it were me, I would do the work and get the points needed, then tell her you weren't interested in sex with her. Ignore her from then on out.
lordofnerds79 15
57- if he does that, he may be "playing" with his stupid little hand a lot more!
scooterdude720 19
72 A guy that passes up sex? Not gonna happen.
daniel_2209 12
Make your own chart... and she loses points the longer u dont have sex, and if she gets to 0 points u get a divorce :)
kristenmg21 10
103- my ex used to pass up sex all the time.
HanBroman 20
it sounds like the wife is desperate for her husband to stop being lazy and it's a pretty good scheme; maybe she's not so crazy after all. He could verywell be a useless husband who just sits around playing X box and expects sex
Mshrodes 13
#72, your solution is kind of immature and no way to solve a situation like this. They are husband and wife. Sure the wife isn't doing the most mature thing herself but getting into this kind of vicious circles isn't the solution imo.
cyttex 13
Immature 156? Making a Chart for sex is immature.
naarz 9
Better earn some points quick, and do extra work do get more points loll
iAlissa 34
103, you're 15. You must know so much about guys passing up sex.
ksks1234 33
148-- you said it yourself, "scheme". If she would like him to do these things, maybe she should talk to him like an adult. Right now, she is treating him like a 5 year old. That chart has to be degrading and patronizing.
CaitiieBuggs 23
#187, maybe she has tried to have an adult conversation with OP, and it didn't work. Sure, the wife is kinda grasping at straws here, but maybe she's desperate to get OP's help.
ksks1234 33
197-- that is still no excuse to use sex as a weapon. He is going to end up resenting her for this. Bribery and bitterness is not the way to have a relationship.
frizz101 22
Sex has been used as a weapon for centuries, that's not gonna change anytime soon 208.
Duh_0811 17
I noticed that you stated "ex husband"
incoherentrmblr 21
Does anyone else wonder what the title has to do with this FML?...
JustinRanford99 3
Guess he should get to work? No, that`s plain stupid. A marriage is about doing things for others but this is more like she is using her body to get out of housework.
tanekdrachonae 19
332, you're a little late to this party. Sarcasm doesn't translate into text very well, but I'm sure most people would recognize that as a joke.
Karcasm 7
Maybe I should make up one of these charts for my significant other.
hunts19ketchup 23
#174, you just made my day.
CobraLazerFace 21
By getting to work I hope you mean masterbating.
TwistedCherub1 15
I know that when my husband doesn't help out I get annoyed, which means I don't want sex. I ask, but I have to nag to get it done, which I hate, so I just do it. We both work the same hours, so maybe some kind of chart would help him see how much more I do at home. Not that I would withhold sex; maybe some kind of competition--winner chooses weekend activity.
Goblin182 26
As a weapon or currency.
spoo 24
Wife chart - gain a pound lose 10 points, hahahah
touch_phobia 13
How about you make a chart for her... 3 points for intercourse, 10 points for head, 15 for anal. 50 points earns her one chore from a list you've written...
phantumgrey 6
Sounds like the wife wants you to divorce her. I wouldn't stand for that shit of I were you OP
cheshirecat13242 32
Better start racking up those points!!
dingleberrysteve 6
divorce is easier
HanBroman 20
not really..
VenomSiphon 13
How many points til anal? Over 9000?
michaeljcaboose 7
You should ask her if you can apply for the Double Rewards Credit Card!
nitrog100 21
It'd be worth it, just to yell, "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAANNNDD" when the time came.
jococo7787 3
ask her if you get double points on holidays.
evan_7899 28
That's an odd wife you got there OP.
Gingerette 8
She seems to be a very economically inclined person. I think that she's hanging onto the phrase "if you do something well, don't do it for free" pretty tightly. If she's willing to go down that path, OP must be pretty unambitious. Or really pathetic.
boating_guy 33
Maybe not so smart though... using sex (or lack thereof) as a weapon in marriage is really bad for a marriage
stupidbox 9
Maybe OP's lazy and doesn't help around the house so his wife found a new funny(smart) way to get him working :p
bubblyhayley 16
hes obviously a lazy sod whos pushed her into having to make this arrangement! ! he definitely deserves it!
Zomg_Okay 26
61 - I'm impressed that you gleaned that much information from a story that's two-and-a-half lines long. Teach me your secrets.
arsenicalhumor 30
@61 I think you might have come down with a case of "judging". Poor you!
YourBatteryIsLow 8
Personally I agree with 61... It says that he isn't gaining points so his wife us going to sleep alone... According to OPs sorry, he gets points by doing chores, and he isn't getting points because he isn't doing anything, and this was his wife's way to get him to finally do some chores, and he still failed at doing chores, even for sex.
frizz101 22
Lots of people do this, although they usually use charts for kinky sex.
BrotherPhil 35
"Economically inclined" - is that a polite way of saying that she's a prostitute? She's sure acting like one.
Bigfabthetruth52 22
It won't last long women love sex also.i wouldn't worry.
standoutbrotha 9
Yes, but she knows how to get what she wants.
spoo 24
How many points to hire a working girl?
SaintJupiter 16
Better get to work then!
MelTheGreat 23
Sweep or weep.
theawkwardlife 21
********** or clean the plate.
Sports_guy3 28
No, just no...
gotaplanstan 28
I'm sure he meant ********** ON the plate
Angelic_Author 16
Um, she's female.
Sports_guy3 28
I'm sorry #171. I'm not a Grammar Nazi, so I don't notice.
YourBatteryIsLow 8
217 it didn't say ********** ON the clean plate, it said ********** or clean the plate... I don't see how he is being a grammar nazi...
Angelic_Author 16
I wasn't talking about OP, I was talking about the girl who said "********** or clean the plate." I apologize, I wasn't aware you were so stupid you couldn't figure that out.
gotaplanstan 28
195 was right lol...my bad 112..
hannahsnyder69 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This is what happens when you get married
SmittyKick 18
I don't know about you, but I don't expect my wife to hold my sex life hostage
kyu_Q 19
Too often men want to sit on their asses and not help out then expect their women to be full of energy in bed. A wife or husband should not have to resort to this to get the help they need. I'm sure the wife tried communication and other methods before the sex chart. In a marriage talking about things usually brings a resolution or solution unless one person does not do the things they agree to do during the discussion. OP YDI. There are two people in a marriage is time you do your part. .
Zomg_Okay 26
99 - I love how you go on about their being two people in a marriage while simultaneously assuming that the blame for this rests solely on one of them.
zBLAKEz 23
99 - You know nothing about their marriage, so how can you make all these assumptions? The woman very may well have not tried talking things out. Women often think that guys can read their mind and always know what's wrong without us guys being told what's wrong. And what if he's constantly working to support the both of them, so he has no time for chores? What if his job takes up more energy than chores? You can't just assume that OP is lazy when you have no idea what he does.
hunts19ketchup 23
98- We must be reading a different FML because I don't see anything in there that makes me "sure the wife tried communication and other methods before the sex chart"
iAlissa 34
In a sense, I agree with 98 when they said it takes two to have a successful marriage, but it was wrong to assume they'd tried everything else. Also, I think it's pretty ****** up his wife is trying to be so in control of his own sex life.
kyu_Q 19
Good points all. But I think it shows desperation to resort to a sex chart. It's my assumption yes. but doubt a sex chart would be the first solution she tried. If she is willing to move to the guestroom means that is being going on for a bit. Would love to hear what the OP had to say in his defense.
little_one1 14
I seem to be the only girl who's boyfriend holds her sex life hostage. KIND OF SHIT IS THIS?
hannahsnyder69 16
Oh lord guys it was a joke
Xalandra 17
176- the wife is being controlling of his sex life? It's only his? The wife somehow never participates? Unless they agreed to have an open relationship, I'm guessing that once they became a committed couple that it was agreed upon that they would only have sex with each other. So it's their sex life. Not just his, not just hers, but their sex life together. OP, see this as an opportunity to get your marriage what it needs, help. Obviously something is not working here communication wise. Either your wife was communicating hers needs/wants to have you help more around the house and you weren't listening or taking it seriously, or your wife was just expecting you to help more and since you aren't she's resorted to doing this sex chart thing. I think you'd be better going to marriage counseling together to work on this. It's probably the only way for the sex chart to go away and for you to understand why your wife made it to begin with. She seems pretty desperate for resorting to withholding sex just to get help around the house.
hunts19ketchup 23
#333, finally someone brought this up. I was wondering how everyone was just completely ignoring the fact that its both of their sex lives :P
Xalandra 17
Don't you know #360? the sex life is always and completely controlled by the man! Women have no say since they're a less valuable kind of being. Good for nothing but keeping the house in order, popping out babies, and being used for a man's pleasure. Seriously though, all these people talking about "his" sex life and how it's the WORST thing ever to go without sex for awhile. Please! There's obviously something worse lacking than the sex in this marriage. They need to work on their communication.
ErwinsWife 5
Don't know what you are talking about. My marriage is nothing like that lol.
Welshite 39
This is genius. Better start on those chores.
jordanlite 16
Agreed! Ops wife is brilliant.
IHATEFMYLIFE 26
Genius? If that's true then OP should make a Money Rewards Chart where the wife can earn money by doing bedroom chores if you know what I mean. And before I get voted down, I'm a female. I wouldn't consider it prostitution because they are married. I think it's fair seeing as though the wife made a chart also. Ok I'm ready to be voted down now. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Dawnstempest 17
@ 175 I up voted. Your idea is only fair, after all she's tried to make him the hired help. Except instead of money, he gets paid in sex.
caysters 12
Only works if wife does not work.
Adm_Twigs 19
doesnt anyone realize how wrong it is for a wife to withhold sex? its very disrespectful to the man and as you can see she is taking advantage of him due to his need. this is why divorce is so damn popular...
kyu_Q 19
So is out fair for to the wife to have a job and do all the chores around the house. including cleaning the garage and mowing the lawn? women need sex too. It's not just him that's being punished. If he was helping her out I don't think she would have to resort to the chart
karCSJ 9
damn OP you should earn some points quick man bcus she's tripping good luck man FYL
cyttex 13
What?
KushCrushin89 10
Don't worry, 82. I don't understand retard as a language either.
golden_warrior 23
121- that's just ******* ignorant calling her retarded for using slang. Does it make you feel better, when you called her that?
Rainhawk94 27
We can rest assured now that his ignorant comment was deleted
ksks1234 33
Excuse me sir, I speak jive. She said, "you better start cleaning, because your wife is acting crazy. Good luck, good sir."
JD1147 27
PMSL 188.. I don't think many people would have got that reference. Awesome movie tho.
ItalianChaos 14
That sucks, OP. Guess its time to get the mop.
noobsatin 19
make a chart where if she does things for you and earns enough points you'll do chores.
Mauskau 35
No. She made the chart because he doesn't do things for her. Him doing your idea would just lead to a very dead relationship.
ManInTheMachine 19
#25 And using sex as a bribe to do more around the house is better? They should both act like ******* adults and talk about it instead of her treating him like a child. If he's not doing his part, then it goes without saying that he needs to do better. But we don't know that for a fact.
bryan1271999 14
25: The relationship is already dead if his wife is making OP her slave
TheDrifter 23
Depends on how many points he gets for chores. If 50 points is many weeks worth of cooking and cleaning this program is just a way to keep op around as a servant while she looks for/enjoys new sexual partners. If it's 2-3 days, it's just punishment for some perceived slight in his part in the past.