Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
Rosemary072098 11
Grandma knows what she's talking about ;)
BubbleGrunge 18
I think she's trying to teach you how NOT to gag.
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Comments (136)
Rosemary072098 11
Grandma knows what she's talking about ;)
n_epic_fail 14
I would love to gag you.... With my dick. I can feel the thumbs down....
natsaysheyyy 16
May be disgusting to hear from Grandma, but she's right, OP! Listen to her.
FarFromSocial 9
The wise know well.
Llama_Face89 33
I love how it's all women saying this... Brought a tear of joy to my eye...
AKGirlinSD 20
Everyone learns wisdom from the elderly. And grandma is right. Please tell me the readers caught the pun with OP's user name. That was a cherry on top on this FML post!
asnakelovinbabe 16
Indeed, she does know what she's talking about. Although I wouldn't consider it an acquired taste for everyone... Some of us just REALLY enjoy doing it. For me it is the absolute best turn on there is. I don't think it makes my husband any more "well behaved"... But he sure does know how lucky he is to have a wife that loves to give head. None of my girlfriends feel the same way though so I get shunned at parties when sex comes up as a topic since "BJ's and swallowing are gross". Aside from all of that, grandma does know what she's talking about, but this is something that GRANDMA should probably not talk to GRANDDAUGHTER about. Leave it up to her to discover giving head for herself. Saying that it's an acquired taste will only give her the mindset that its not fun or pleasant but that you'll get used to it. It doesn't have to be that way!
v1kt4r 13
I love you
AKGirlinSD 20
Adding to 81, some of us women love giving them to their man. Especially, if their man makes sure the lady orgasms first, every time. It's kind of our way to say thank you without using words. Plus, the look on the guy's face is priceless!
asnakelovinbabe 16
Adding to what 87 said... Especially if their guy makes them ****** first, second, third, fourth and fifth time before it's all said and done :D
gc327072 30
92- and upon first seeing your username I just thought you liked reptiles…
asnakelovinbabe 16
Hey, a gal's allowed to have multiple interests right!?
sabbyheartswhat 23
I wish I could take your paragraph and make it my "about me" section everywhere!! I love giving head too!! And my boyfriend just looses it!! :) Our guys are lucky cause a lot of girls do think it's gross. If he showers frequently he's cut, and enjoys it as much as I do. :D Happy days!! Yay other **** suckers!! :D
OleReliable 7
#81 is totally right. A bj is the most wonderful gift a guy could receive. And it doesn't cost a thing! She's awesome in my book.
xxrogerthatxx 19
Damn I'm tryna meet grandma
profligatesoul 18
This is valuable knowledge she has learned from experience. Hear her out.
wlddog 14
Aah... Words of wisdom passed down through the ages. Are they secrets of the universe or perhaps locations to buried treasure from years gone by? Nope, none of those useless things. Instead its ******* pointers from grandma. Looks like another generation has passed on its most prized possession. Thanks grandma...
landon_loe11 16
I wonder if the "gag me" at the end was intended to be a pun.
BunchieRules 31
51 - It definitely was, as OP's name is "butnotlikethat."
souljacker 11
She's right! Pay close attention.
ntd309 14
She must have sucked quite a load of dicks in her day!!
BubbleGrunge 18
I think she's trying to teach you how NOT to gag.
GuessWhatKids 13
Nah that's pretty hot actually.
asnakelovinbabe 16
Don't forget to relax your throat muscles!
Redlawnchair 9
"Gag me". I see what you did there.
sens3sfailing 24
I'm sure there are plenty of men who would be happy to oblige you OP.
BradyT918 9
Yes, so open wide
Crazynopantsman 11
Her name is "butnotlikethat."
VonBlitzkrieg 27
I hope you were taking notes. This is very important stuff.
Adamzee88 2
I agree your life sucks seems especially fitting on this one.
Ellenpop 15
That's a hard thing to swallow.
MrSassypants 33
Like gum.... by the way, I said gum.
3rdbass 9
^^^ swing and a miss.
BunchieRules 31
Let's not start a pun thread on this... it'll be too long.
hooligyn123 18
I agree. Some puns are hard to swallow.
vadaaa 11
74- you just blatantly reused a pun
hooligyn123 18
What the hell is wrong with me? I deserve every thumb down. I here by solemnly swear to step away from FML after a 18 hr work/school day. So ashamed. I'll thumb myself down now and expect no less from any of you!
wlddog 14
Sounds like 109 is ready to.... Be punished.
Lrigglez 7
Please tell me she didnt pull out the light up vibrators and show you how.
TheElBurrrito 21
Sounds like grandma knows how to have a good time. You should take notes.