Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15664) - you totally deserved it (76054)
On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
(0)A bit of advice for all you would-be studs out there: either go down on her or use your fingers or a vibe on her before you penetrate her and try to give her at least one orgasm first. If nothing else, when you're pumping away try to hold back until you're sure that she's come at least once. If you feel yourself getting a little too close to the edge to hold back, think about the repairs that you need to do to your car or something equally non-sexy to throw you off for a few, then build back up to that point again.
Follow these words and you won't be told something like this.
(0)Wanna write a book about it? Damn, i think you took this a little too seriously.
I agree with #21, just b/c she didn't cum doesn't mean it's the OP's fault. Maybe she faked her orgasm? Maybe she just layed there like a fish the whole time? Maybe next time don't assume so much.
#95 - On 06/29/2009 at 10:37am by genius_man16
(0)hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha you sound like a tool
#10 - On 03/04/2009 at 3:03pm by interventions
(0)What is it with guys? They think that women are just as easy to please as they are...WRONG!
You're no stud...a stud is a horse...you'd be a jackass! Stop being so cocky just because you got off.
(0)HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
*takes deep breaths* ohmygod hahaha xD
that was hilarious
#16 - On 03/04/2009 at 4:04pm by DistortedReality
(0)HAHA! I really agree with #9. Get her going first. After a while, youre free to penetrate.
#17 - On 03/04/2009 at 4:21pm by howdidithappen
(0)It's okay, one day you'll find someone as easy to please as you.
#18 - On 03/04/2009 at 4:30pm by FlickMyBean
(0)I will say that this entry is funny and he should no longer call himself a stud. But what I love even more is how women perpetuate the idea that when they don't have an orgasm it is clearly the males fault. Sex is a 2-way street so start pulling your own weight you cunts. Also, if you guy is not doing something right, TELL HIM! Do you think he is psychic? Studied under Miss Cleo perhaps? NO! You wouldn't want a guy to expect you to be psychic, so why do you expect it of him? Lastly, I would just like to say that this was not directed towards all women, only the ones who feel the need to further perpetuate the idea that it is somehow all the male's fault.
Clearly you need some practice in the skills of pleasuring a lady.
#24 - On 03/04/2009 at 5:58pm by asdfqewr
(0)I hate to break it to you, but your girlfriend has probably been waiting for the right moment to break this to you in a nice, funny way.
#26 - On 03/04/2009 at 6:43pm by itsasmallworld
(0)mr 21, the problem isnt with guys not knowing anything about a vagina (well not only with that) but that they think them done is done done. GET IT!? fortunately, i do not have this problem. i feel bad for those us my kind who do... and to you, mr stud, get a book or watch an educational video. or ask her.
(0)Dam so many girls on this topic that have guys in bed... Maybe tell ur bfs or flings or whatever not post it on a blog... And I'm sick of hearing girls that just lay there bitch about not getting an orgasm, it takes two for sex. I dunno bout some guys but if we are making love and your just lying there I'm gonna finish asap and not give you an orgasm. Next time you don't get satisfied by a guy don't just assume he can't do it maybe you have been pulling the fish out of water move to much and he just doesn't want to
#28 - On 03/04/2009 at 7:01pm by spankyness
(0)HAHAHAHA. you deserved that one, mainly cause of the way u wrote that post.... if ypur calling urself a stud u obviously think ur summat special... she was just putting you right
#29 - On 03/04/2009 at 7:32pm by shady_angel
(0)yo #21 and #28 thank you we cant just say " hey let me hold it and wait for her" no it doesnt work that way and its a team effort you gottta go in together and COME out together......and a few times more after that
(0)op dont take any of these negative comments to seriously
cause you got some
which is more that 85 percent of people here
nice work
(0)not so cocky now eh? you look like a totally asshole with the comment.
#33 - On 03/04/2009 at 8:45pm by sillywilly
(0)sorry dude. getting ego-checked like that always sucks. But everyone posting here saying how it takes 2 to have sex, or that your girlfriend needs to do stuff to( 21, 28), or whatever, they are sort of right.
#39 - On 03/04/2009 at 10:55pm by TheOrpheus
(0)I think we have no way of knowing from this post if its the girl or the guy's fault. Some girls can be sexually-lazy and some guys can be sexually-selfish.
#43 - On 03/05/2009 at 2:16am by sleepdebtfairy
(0)#45 yeah... that's the only thing he had coming.
how did you not know "round 1" wasn't over anyway?
#46 - On 03/05/2009 at 1:27pm by josephenomenon
(0):( awww...that was mean of her....but you should have so ig of an ego! [:(
#50 - On 03/06/2009 at 2:37am by AdventSign
(0)time to study. porn websites, milfhunter. look it up. see how its done. and cum on her face.
#53 - On 03/06/2009 at 5:25am by Bloodycrustheart
(0)Give her the Abraham Lincoln: shave off your pubes, cum on her face, and then stick your pubes to the cum. That'll show her.
(0)To Saddude: girls have a much different and more difficult time orgasming. You guys are going to have to try a lot of different things to find something that works.
To Warlock: You obviously don't keep girlfriends, if you get them at all. That is the grossest not shit related sexual thing I've heard in awhile and if you try that to some girl without permission you will lose your balls and maybe your dick to boot, depending on her mood.
(0)LOL 57, no one ever does that. It's like doing the Cleveland Steamer or Dirty Sanchez, they're funny but no one actually does em. Also, it's been scientifically proven that the nerves in a woman's vagina are more sensitive to those on a man's penis. Women love to make excuses and then blame it on the man.
(0)look on the bright side: she must REALLY love you. lol
#61 - On 03/07/2009 at 3:17pm by wasabipeas
(0)TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. damn u need some performance enhancers. lol. damn homeboy can't knock it out in round one
#62 - On 03/07/2009 at 7:21pm by bluemagicZ23
(0)Lol. Your girlfriend and I would be the same person.
#63 - On 03/08/2009 at 4:05am by Real_Lol_Cat
(0)in the words of Michael Kelso, (That 70's Show)
BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then your mom walks in (just using my imagination)
also in the words if Michael Kelso, DOUBLE BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i agree with,
S - Sex
T - Turned
U - Upside
D - Down
(0)All right. I just want to add something to 21 and 28.
Speaking as a girl, I AGREE. I am fuckin DONE with double standards, and us girls shouldn't bitch all the time about how "oh that guy can't get me off, he's bad at sex"; maybe they ARE, and maybe they HAVEN'T been trying the right thing, but it's up to girls too. Women need to learn that they can't just lie there and wait for their partner/s to get them off, it's a difficult thing to do in some cases, and your partner needs all the help they can get. And it's not like not telling them what works and waiting for them to figure it out is gonna do you any favors... I agree that it's not always the man's fault that a girl can't get off. But in any case, boys? It doesn't help any to think "well if I got off, obviously she did too."
#68 - On 03/09/2009 at 2:00am by Hello_Cthulhu
(0)The stuff that's on FML is crazy, this one really got me laughing, voted both:
FML - Because your gf (finally?) dissed you
Deserved - Doesn't need explainin'
Mr roboto.
(0)wow! man that's sooo fuckin hilarious! hahahaha! *holds stomach* hahaha! xD
#70 - On 03/11/2009 at 5:54pm by vampire_fetish15
(0)Hahaha looks like you forgot to pay attention to whether or not SHE was getting off while you were getting off.
(0)i agree with number #35
about the judgemental virgins haha
idk ppl but if you really dont have experience therre is no reason to talk
(0)Dude, your skills need work!! Plus, how did you not notice that she hadn't come yet??? If you don't think it's up to you to get her off, at least take time to notice whether or not she did, you tool!
(0)Ahahaha, you got pwned. When we girls have orgasms, it is easy to notice. She should have communicated with you better before, yeah, but... why did you think she had come?
(0)Hahahahhaahhaha. Stud indeed =P
I'm betting you guys didn't do any foreplay either; you just plugged in and pulled out.
Funny personal anecdote, my first g/f was actually disappointed when she couldn't get me off in under 5 minutes, and thought she needed to practice to reach that point, as if its a degree of skill.
#79 - On 03/24/2009 at 4:39pm by Nakedsquirrel
(0)hahahahah "i'm ready for the rest of round one"...i'm so gonna use that line someday!!! hahha.
#85 - On 04/16/2009 at 2:33am by playful2088
(0)#21-- homeboy doesn't have to be psychic to know he can't last 2 minutes. There's a difference between not knowing what she likes and just being a lazy d-bag. I'm a guy and these dudes with this "but it takes two! My girl's a dead fish Waahh" bitching are cracking me up. Thanks for admitting you turn chicks to ice in bed, teach em or leave em and what does that even have to do with this post? If you haven't figured it out girls count the time from start to finish, not just the bumping uglies part. ALL you have to do is go down on her to start things off, and when you get close go down some more. Get creative. What girl would ever complain about that? Why is it like, "oh no I've put it in ahh! can't stop now!!" Seriously man up and be thankful that you're pretty much guaranteed to get yours, focus on her, and she might actually spread it around that she's getting it right. oh no!
(0)epic fail my friend.
you cant spell stud without std.
But dud on the other hand begins with d
For DOUCHE! :)
...youve been a mavellous audience
(0)Always make sure you get your girl off before you even start. That way if your having an off day or haven't done it in a while she still gets her kicks.
#92 - On 05/13/2009 at 1:29pm by llSgtScopell
(0)I think we're all ready for a nice round of learning how to interpret sarcasm.
#93 - On 06/01/2009 at 1:33am by StopBeingADouche
(0)Hey man, it could be worse. From every failure comes another chance for success.
#99 - On 08/07/2009 at 1:34am by PutDownTheGun
(0)hey all that means is round one will last longer, which means you'll have round two later, which basically means alot more sex. lol :P
#101 - On 12/05/2009 at 2:24pm by guitarplaya612
(0)Dude ur getting laid.... i dont underdtand how ur life is fucked.
#102 - On 01/21/2010 at 11:13pm by what_the_fail
(0)it's ok guy... my ex shot me down. then i dumped her ass and got a girl who actually knows what sex is. it is a 2 way thing. oh, and dont think i dumped her just cuz the sex was bad... she was a crazy psycho stalker chick... listen to the song "psycho bitch" by Tech N9NE and you'll know what i'm talkin about
#114 - On 06/07/2010 at 7:33am by FTW_WTF
(0)"Being the stud that I am"?????? REALLLLLY??? My douche alarm is going off loud and clear.
#115 - On 07/15/2010 at 2:08am by FlagGirl2010
(0)At the end of that comment, was the sound of a cracked whip and a girly-man-shriek.
You are said girly-man.
(0)This girl must not know how penises work. Insulting your man when he's about to put his inside you probably isn't going to make the sex any better.
#118 - On 08/31/2010 at 12:17pm by travis1980___
