Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19497) - you totally deserved it (57676)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Erm.... why would you call out your mother? That's incest, man.
#10 - On 05/17/2009 at 6:20am by circayouandme
#4 Serves you right? Implying he had a choice, had that happened?
#11 - On 05/17/2009 at 6:22am by arienh4
#12, Blanadestroyer, that was perfect. Thank you for that lol
#15 - On 05/17/2009 at 6:31am by Suckfail
You know it could always be worse.
For instance, instead of saying mom you could have said..."Grandma?"
HAHAHA!
well if i was your girlfriend i would laugh EXTREMELY hard and never let you forget about it. i might be a little freaked out but not enough to break up with you or anything.
sucks but funny. hopefully everything worked out ;)
#19 - On 05/17/2009 at 6:50am by whateverrrr
Thats so sweet, you recall your Mom smelling like peppermint.
But not so cute, that you thought your Mom was rubbing your....
#23 - On 05/17/2009 at 7:00am by imsleepingbeauty
I love how people are saying "That is your reaction to your penis being rubbed?" and other such things when he clearly states in the FML that it was due to the peppermint. The mind boggles...
Also:
"Today, I decided to surprise my sleeping boyfriend by rubbing his penis. When he woke up he called out "Mom?" FML."
You are one sick & twisted individual. If your girl hasn't dumped you for something like that you should marry her!
Ahaha, this site is just one big Oedipal confession booth, isn't it?
#27 - On 05/17/2009 at 7:13am by plethora
Well, its safe to say that that relationship isn't gonna last any longer. But on the up side I do understamd you reaction.
#29, obviously he didnt think it was his mom rubbing his dick.
he said mom because he smelt peppermint and was prolly still 3/4 asleep while saying that. so you cant really blame him for saying it. worse shit has happened.
#37 - On 05/17/2009 at 8:27am by DieselGirl
Well at least if SHE dumps you... you'll still have your mom to rub it for you XD lol sucks though...
first of all ; it's both pathetic and scary that your mom was the first person you thought of..
second of all ; why in the world would your mother be rubbing your 'very erect penis' ?
#45 - On 05/17/2009 at 8:53am by ashbaby010
Funny how the high and mighty among us are so confident in their clarity of thought in the morning. Particularly with a hand rubbing one's genitals.
Your girl is a tightass. You should drag her out of her comfort zone more often.
I'm the one with an Fd L in this scenairo. My husband regularly calls me mumsy while WIDE AWAKE, and calls his mother by my name/nickname. We have no sex life because of it.
lol yeah that probably put her off a little but I doubt she'll go ending a 3yr relationship over it. People seem to think you get dumped for such trivial stuff on FML, I'm with #19, I would just laugh so hard. I am used to hearing people talk crap when half asleep though, one time I woke up and called out "Blanket of Meat"!
...
Freud was right! Congratulations on being living proof of the Oedipus complex!
Now dump your girlfriend, kill your father, marry your mother, and then gouge your eyes out.
#49 - On 05/17/2009 at 9:44am by kneegrow143
Hahaha. Oh wow. Don't worry too much, it will be hilarious in retrospect.
#50 - On 05/17/2009 at 9:45am by elfuzzo
Hahaha I completely understand that's a confusing way to be woken up...waking up is confusing anyway. FYL!
#52 - On 05/17/2009 at 9:49am by LuckyCharms
Um.
One question:
Why would your mom be rubbing your penis?...
#55 - On 05/17/2009 at 9:52am by woah_dang_baby
Agree with #3. Moms don't really give their sons a handjob.
#56 - On 05/17/2009 at 10:01am by lifesagamble
As someone who's received a hand-job while asleep, I can say that I totally see how this happened. When you wake up like that, you have no idea what's going on for the first few seconds.
All I can hope is that when the OP said that - he was hastily making an attempt to remove himself from the hand. And not saying 'mom' in an inviting way, or in any kind of enjoyment. Otherwise, enjoy your break up :/
Dude! If you have a GF why would you assume it's your mom?!?
#59 - On 05/17/2009 at 10:29am by ljuwaidah
You totally deserved it for thinking that your mom would ever do something like that.
#60 - On 05/17/2009 at 10:43am by cheese1756
Plethora: soooo true haha.
I bet your girlfriend won't smell like peppermint anymore after you explain that! Hahah this is classic!
#61 - On 05/17/2009 at 10:56am by kristina3514
Hahahahahahahahah; WOOOOOW!
xDD
So your reactions to your "very erect penis" is to call out your moms name!?
Pretty kinky!
xDDDDDD
#64 - On 05/17/2009 at 11:12am by lilbean894
LOL your gf has endless jks on you now, could you imagine the girl version to this? “Today, I woke up to a masculine hand rubbing my very wet pussy, and a man's aftershave fragrance. I called out my dad’s name instinctively, recalling how he always smells like that. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking boyfriend of three years. FML
....... he then smiles and says who’s your daddy.
#65 - On 05/17/2009 at 11:22am by UncleverName_FYL
if that doesnt make ur "erect penis" hide in his garage idk wat the hell will.
#70 - On 05/17/2009 at 11:53am by jumpgurl23
LOL @ # 14 and # 65.
I can get how this would happen; smell is very strongly tied to memory and you were totally disoriented upon waking up. She'll never let you live that one down though. She probably won't bludgeon you to death with it and bring it up at every possible reference though. she'll likely keep it for times when you're least expecting her to say something like that... and rest assured, all of her friend will know :D
#47 i hope your husbands mother was one of those teen moms otherwise he's comparing you to an old lady
FYL
#75 - On 05/17/2009 at 12:50pm by emer_helena
Hahaha LoL. That's great. I love how this is written too....and hahah @ #73....
#76 - On 05/17/2009 at 12:51pm by VegasMade702
yeah my first reaction when i wake up with someones hand on my dick is to call out mom?
jesus.
#78 - On 05/17/2009 at 1:03pm by guitardedman
yeah she was probably weirded out by the fact that you called our your mom's name when someone is rubbing on your hard dick first thing of a morning....
#80 - On 05/17/2009 at 1:05pm by sassabrat
...uhm...you might want to talk to a psychiatrist about that...
#82 - On 05/17/2009 at 1:10pm by madame_malfoy
OMFG!!!! thats fawked dude.like lol.omg.if i was her id be like 0,.,0 and then leave.but thats just me.
#83 - On 05/17/2009 at 1:13pm by LaTuaCantante
How does one also forget that his girlfriend slept with him last night? You don't just default to your mom, unless you're a fucking weirdo. (or more likely, a phony FML.)
#88 - On 05/17/2009 at 1:47pm by Nakedsquirrel
ok, all those people who are calling him sick because he though his mom was rubbing him, need to go back to english class over the summer and learn to read, because it was the smell, NOT the hand, that made him think of his mom.
to OP you could have played it off as if you were calling her "mama" FLY
#90 - On 05/17/2009 at 1:56pm by waxstigmata
See...if you had've said "Mom" before noticing a hand was rubbing your "very erect penis," then maybe it wouldn't be so bad...
Oh man that's pretty messed up. You had every man's dream of having your girlfriend wake you up like that and then you went and said "Mom?" That really sucks for you.
#96 - On 05/17/2009 at 2:25pm by xieh
Today, I woke my boyfriend up by rubbing his penis and breathing in his ear. He immediately asked, "Mom?" FML
#98 - On 05/17/2009 at 2:42pm by All_My_Seasons
Freudian Fail.
Haha "Freudian Theory, when you say one thing and mean a mother"
#99 - On 05/17/2009 at 2:53pm by GoMeat4103
I'm sure that all the people faulting the OP are perfectly aware of their surroundings upon being unexpectedly awakened.
#101 - On 05/17/2009 at 3:08pm by cthulhu1138
ewww, you sick fuck!!
you were thinking of your mother rubbing your penis?
what the hell is wrong with you!
didn't the handjob tip you off as to who it was...or did your mom give you a lot of handjobs too? YDI
ewwww does your mom normally rub your erect penis?
because thats just messed up your girlfriend must have been
grossed out when u said that lmfao......"mom"? really?
#104 - On 05/17/2009 at 3:29pm by hustler123
woooow....You brought the term "Momma's Boy" to a whole other level
#108 - On 05/17/2009 at 4:05pm by wickedgrl13
The fact your penis was being rubbed, you better hope mommy has NOTHING to do with it.
#109 - On 05/17/2009 at 4:13pm by BussellRishop
Most of you fail. Seriously. A guy that is just waking up and getting a handjob at the same time is not going to think clearly at all. He smells peppermint, he thinks mom, he asks for mom. Turns out that it's his girlfriend.
So to half of you guys:
Reading Comprehension fail.
Human understanding fail.
#110 - On 05/17/2009 at 4:20pm by Sleepwalker418
Wow thats a fail on your part. On the other hand your GF sounds awesome, but I think your in the dog house for a bit hahaha
#112 - On 05/17/2009 at 4:47pm by llSgtScopell
OMFG, i'd react the same if i was ur girlfriend, LOL.
#114 - On 05/17/2009 at 5:06pm by CherryKillsAgain
Sure the OP's mom might smell like peppermint but so might his GF's toothpaste or something, making her smell like peppermint, probably every night. And wouldn't the fact that someone is giving him a hand job overpower his thoughts of his peppermint-smelling mother? I would think so.
Aaaaand,how often does your mum rub your "very erect penis?" !!! lol
#120 - On 05/17/2009 at 6:24pm by LunaVachonFan95
I think most people being woken up before they're fully rested would experience some hazy confusion. There's several moments when you're still mostly asleep and this dude focusing in on his sense of smell during this time is not that weird.
Rape much? I bet if this was a girl posting and their boyfriend had been fingering her, everyone would be screaming rape -_-
Fucking double standards.
And that will teach you to say a name. You'll learn, your dream could have been about mom at Disney, or about a hot coworker, or even a hot chick on the show you were watching last night. Smile and never say a name (or relationship). It'll always get you into trouble.
I've woken up with Jennifer Love Hewitt a few mornings. It would have really pissed off the woman I was with if I called her Jennifer, just because that's how it fit into my dream. :)
sweetie, love, snookums, etc, are always good. Not saying anything, and letting her continue would have probably been your best course of action. Mom? Nah, bad choice. But you should both have been able to laugh about it. You don't need her, she has no sense of humor.
LMFAO. This is NOT a YDI. It takes some people several moments to come to when waking up from a deep sleep. He felt the rubbing, but it probably didn't click. Then he concentrated on the peppermint and forgot about the rubbing. Waking up with stuff going on is very confusing, which is why this is so funny. It COULD happen to plenty of people. But holy shit, that's hilarious.... i can see the girl being like, MOM? Your MOM rubs your penis in the morning, too, huh??! hahaha.. honest mistake from sleepy confusion.... but hilarious. FYL... hope she didn't overreact.
Unless... you actually thought your mom was rubbing your penis. At which point, I'd be scared for you.
Oedipus complex.
I can't believe I was able to include Freud in TWO comments today. :p
You people have some c-r-a-z-y dreams!
#127 - On 05/17/2009 at 6:56pm by The_Unspool
ohk, so let me get this straight. you feel someone rubbing your dick, and smelling like peppermint, and you automatically think of your mom? Seriously. just HOW often does your mom rub your erections?
i dont blame you're gf for being disgusted, that's a taddd disturbing, for real man. lol. next time someones rubbing your erection, play it safe and hope its NOT your mom.
#129 - On 05/17/2009 at 7:38pm by laugh_it_up
i was moderating some FML submissions, and i came acroos one where the person states: "i decided to give my boyfriend a handjob while he was sleeping, when he suddenly woke up and said 'mom?'"
lol i think u and ur girlfriend are more alike than u think!
#130, SAME!!! I was just moderating and I saw the same exact thing!!!! LOL.
Also, how could this happen? idk, but my mom wouldn't do that to me, and I don't think you should go by the smell.... maybe the fact that there was a hand on ur groin
#131 - On 05/17/2009 at 7:49pm by fmlAllStar7274
Your reaction disturbs me... and did she break up with you? I'll take her... lol
#134 - On 05/17/2009 at 9:20pm by KuroiKishin
I'm more concerned about your reaction than your girlfriend's...
#135 - On 05/17/2009 at 9:33pm by fmlreaderr
well... let me put it this way...
imagine if you had just taken the hand job under the notion that it WAS your mom. frankly i think if you did you would have a hell of a lot more problems than just thinking that it might have been your mom.
#139 - On 05/17/2009 at 11:42pm by ddragon292
Hahaha. Why would your mother be rubbing you down there? Whatever, different strokes for different folks.
did her hand have babies lol little pinkies!gross ur gf thot ur mom would rubb ur dick mmm yummy WAIT NO GROS!
why the hell are so many people not making the connection that your girlfriend smelled like peppermint, and that your mom usually does? i mean, in our first seconds of waking up, we arent exactly thinking straight.
You are one sick, sick puppy :)) This is great. Your life is SO very fucked. I'm bettin' she leaves you within the month.
Instinctive? What...the...hell...."Something is rubbing my dick, probably my mom!"
#149 - On 05/18/2009 at 7:36pm by BurnedByLove
Maybe.... he was okay with the rubbing cause he knew it was his gf but then he could smell peppermint and wondered maybe if his mum was there too? :p
#151 - On 05/18/2009 at 10:29pm by nowayinhelle
Hilarious! Why would your mother give you a hand job? XDD
#155 - On 05/19/2009 at 1:58am by EziyaMinamoto
thats just creepy
1. why do you know what your mom smells like?
2. why is that the first thing that comes to mind when someone is rubbing your dick?
Ok even if thats what ur mom always smelled like... the action would clearly mean its not your mom wouldnt it? if it doesnt, there is something really wrong, and if you did think that it was your mom for some reason... wouldnt u be shocked and jump right out of bed?? YDI you idiot lol
Maybe the guy in this FML is also the dude in these stories:
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/13713/Penis+Problem/
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/13840/Mothers+son+s+problem+Pt+2/
#161 - On 05/19/2009 at 3:48pm by deweyd8855
The only thing I got from this story is that you engaged in premarital sex. Does Jesus know? Because I am calling him now.
That is VERY disturbing. Thanks for making me feel VERY uncomfortable.
#163 - On 05/19/2009 at 11:34pm by OhFiddleSticks
Oooooh, the hideous disorientation of sleep mixed with a friggin' handjob. I've never called my fiancée mom, but...you know, everybody has their fetishes...
#165 - On 05/20/2009 at 1:12am by Mickey2315
OK, you're girlfriend is giving you a handjob to wake you up first of all...
AND you call out your mom...
and assuming she hasn't left you by now...
If that girl isn't a keeper, I don't know what girl is.
#166 - On 05/20/2009 at 1:36am by philosopher
#166 u r so right, if i wake up to someone rubbing my penis the last person i would think of would be my mom
lol @ #3
dont ya think a hand rubbing your dick would overpower your memory of mom smelling like peppermint?!
i think id pay a little more attention to how it felt not what i smelt.
#168 - On 05/20/2009 at 2:29am by kaylaaa_
I've said some stupid shit when I was waking up even if hes getting his penis rubbed theres also someone breathing on you and it smells like peppermint. you dont think about what you say when you wake up!!!
#174 - On 05/23/2009 at 1:04am by meganjoanne
Bahahh im not gonna lie, if i was getting any while waking up my first reaction would be to open my freaking eyes XD sorry man, but i think you lost here
#175 - On 05/23/2009 at 9:54am by podrummer9209
no worrys mate, could of been worse, she will forget it and before you know it, you will have another morning suprise :p
Even if she did smell like your mom, why would mom be rubbing your penis? x_x I'd be pretty disturbed too.
#177 - On 05/23/2009 at 3:45pm by DumplingWonder
haha . oh my !
I agree with numberr , 12 .
good answerr.
#179 - On 05/24/2009 at 1:20am by AleshiaLouise
A lot of people here are freaked out by your reaction to waking up like that but I think it makes sense. The sense of smell is supposed to have the best memory out of all the senses, and that includes touch. So since you smelled the peppermint, it brought up memories of your mom rather than memories of your girlfriend because someone was rubbing your dick.
#180 - On 05/24/2009 at 3:46pm by awesomedude09
you are a total ass. if u dont like ur gf then break up with her. dont call her ugly. If i were her i would be out that door ina hear beat. You are a sick person and u have so many problems i cant even begin to describe them.
#182 - On 05/27/2009 at 6:34am by raquelbrooke3
omg people he said it was the peppermint
honestly if someone was waking me it doesnt matter if they are spanking my butt, if im groggy i will call my mom first ; it's instinctive
she has woken me up for years and years
and this guy said the peppermint reminded him too
if you;re groggy anything can come out of your mouth and for me it's usually mom too
but you guys are just going overboard
it's embarrassing but it's not incestuous
sheeshhh
#183 - On 05/28/2009 at 6:37pm by mixedchick
Whoa dude, I feel so bad for ya. At least ur sense of smell was leading to a memory of your mom. Sadly it was seriously the wrong time. Hope your girlfriend understands this confusion.
#185 - On 06/03/2009 at 7:34pm by Diligent17
That is extremely akward. Shit, that's all I've got to say.
#186 - On 06/08/2009 at 5:36am by gingermonster16
Well at least u didn't say it was because she smelled like ur mom. Wait did u? Ewwwwwwww!
#189 - On 06/14/2009 at 12:59am by AsianHere
HA! You are fucked! I really hope you dont have any sick fantasies about your mum.
#191 - On 06/22/2009 at 8:49pm by sullenkael
lol who think about bout their mom while givin dem self a handjob awaKE OR asleep
#192 - On 06/23/2009 at 8:03am by LaaDimplez
Aww poor you, that has to really suck, ur gf is probably thinking INCEST
#200 - On 08/02/2009 at 11:45pm by emikonaito
fair enuff u can't always think straight wen u wake up...
what stumps me though is how you smelt her peppermint breath with your ear XD (jks, for those idiots who'll think i'm serious)
lol #199 hahaha i would have just said to keep going
#202 - On 11/15/2009 at 9:53pm by ILoveMyLifeSoMuc
Wtf is wrong with yo, you ould of got a peppermint bj. think before you talk come one
#204 - On 12/27/2009 at 4:12pm by NeedATurnOn
