Miscellaneous: Today, my older brother asked me to go get his phone on his bed.... - FML

By chercheurdusmartphone - 09/06/2017 17:44 - France - Paris

Spicy

Today, my older brother asked me to go get his phone on his bed. I was in a good mood, so I did. He then continued, laughing, “don’t mistake it for the sex toys and used condoms!” I thought he was joking, but there were actually sex toys and used condoms on his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 131

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

ArbiterOfFML 24

Monday 24 July 2017 0:47

Straightforward, an admirable trait.

jfsiv 17

Monday 14 August 2017 20:57

Did you ask if you could borrow the toys sometime?

Comments

ArbiterOfFML 24

Monday 24 July 2017 0:47

Straightforward, an admirable trait.

jfsiv 17

Monday 14 August 2017 20:57

Did you ask if you could borrow the toys sometime?

Keywords

Love Awkward Work Relatable Students Racism Health Relationship advice Pregnancy Cheating Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Revenge Food Animals Cats Boredom Management Sexism Parenting Kids Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Social Media Jealousy

The Top

Today, it's been a year since my wife agreed to an open marriage. A friend said at the time that she would get a lot more sex than me, and would end up leaving me. I ignored him because he's a basement dwelling Trump supporter who's never had a girlfriend. Turns out he was completely right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 988

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 027

You deserved it 3 364

The Top

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 397

You deserved it 3 627

Today, while in a meeting for work, my boss expressed how much he likes everyone at our site. But before continuing, he looked at me and said, “Everyone but you, that is.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 250

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 271

You deserved it 2 417

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 931

You deserved it 4 819

Today, while my mother was driving me to school, her coffee started to spill. So like a normal parent, she held it over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 593

You deserved it 2 295

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 429

You deserved it 43 455