Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 40
I'd suggest you invest in a giant human bubble. Or a cup.
crescent_indigo 0
spiked cup would be win-win situation
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Comments (291)
redbluegreen 40
I'd suggest you invest in a giant human bubble. Or a cup.
xjeff99 0
dude a cup wont do u much good against a punch like ur dads must be awkward but HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
lunaticsol 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OP probably deserved it for being a pansy. His dad was probably trying to teach him to be a man. If OP really had and FML he'd be reporting that his dad is a abusive psychopath but to me it only sounds like he's complaining that his dad is an asshole. He should be fine, cause his dad was aiming at a target that apparently hasn't grown yet.
ndawgg 6
Nobody deserves being punched in the balls because your dad thinks you deserve it.
pwnage79 0
#67 wtf is wrong with you? "something that hasnt grown yet" every1 on this site is like 15+ and nobody deserves to be punched in the balls unless there a total douche with the op isnt OP do the same to him
Colin91 0
#67 is 100% correct. YDI
Sessee 4
"every1 on this site is like 15+" That is where you are wrong, amigo.
MarkO_fml 0
I wish I had a nickel for every time I've been on some website where some idiot claimed his "250 lb ex-Marine dad" was going to punch him in the nuts to improve his reflexes.
Luzilla 0
well, if he hits there too often and too hard, his chances of becomin a "man" won't increase but decrease. Since "masculinity" (don't know how to write that xP) is mainly based on testosteron (which is produced in your balls), i'm pretty sure it will affect his adolesence in a bad way :P
Kiwi_Splash 0
I guess papa doesn't wanna have grandchildren :)
nomad5926 0
you might just have 5 cents :D
Aries327 0
tell your dad only fags willingly touch other dudes **** and balls
jamesleuth 0
I just wanna post a reply to aries327. Congrats, worth a worthless and ignorant hate-monger. Get over your ****-phobia you redneck douche. Seriously, have fun contributing nothing worthwhile to society you backwards filthy piece of shit. Or would you like us to make you more comfortable and talk about the inferiority of other races?
supamann 0
@jamesleuth: calm down. what aries237 said was entirely corrrect. it IS true that only gay people willingly touch other men's genital areas (in most cases). don't get so heated up just because someone stated a fact.
LanceCharisma 0
Gay guys and doctors. While Jamesleuth's response wasn't the way I'd go about it he definitely has a point, Aries237's comment was insensitive, not because of what he said, but because it implies that "fags" are inferior and something nobody wants to be. Just because he only "stated a fact" doesn't mean he's not a narrow-minded prick.
Rach_star 0
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i agree
VegasFML 0
Would you have 1 nickel?
i_heart_boobies 0
ohhh ..shh-naappp
Laxer21 0
67 you deserved to be pinched in the crotch.
rabidgerbil 6
if he gets hit too many times he could get testicular cancer.
astarwarsfan 0
FALCOOOON PUNCH!!!!!
Link5794 18
Get a cup with blades or spikes on it.
imabear239 5
Agreed
deliapearl 0
those Marines! what a crazy sense of...BALL PUNCH!!
DoomJeff91 2
I see your BALL PUNCH and I retaliate with the POST-TRAMATIC STRESS DISORDER card! Marine use SHAFT SMASH now!
Plumppotato 3
i see your post traumatic stress disorder card and retaliate with a years of therapy card!
kdubk93 0
i will see your years of therapy card and retaliate with my no children for the rest of your life card
ZleveL 0
there's no such thing as an ex-marine, unless you get kicked out.
Wambler 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He announced without warning?
BLNovelist 0
No, his father announced that he would start 'punching him in the crotch without warning' ..not announcing without warning. P:
FmyLinNY 0
LOL that comment made my day.
crescent_indigo 0
spiked cup would be win-win situation
DameGreyWulf 0
Agreed! DOOO EEEEET, OP
SAVIORxOMEGA 0
for sure :P he sounds like he deserves it
Imawhalerider 0
or get neutered jokes on him. sorry thats real bad
ILIEKGIRLS 5
or you could just punch your dad in the crouch when he's not expecting it.
Rakshasa23 0
try that on a marine and you'd probably lose your arm
jeniiladoosh 0
yeah, even a marine can feel the pain when someone punches their balls. that doesnt matter... punch him back... hard you will have a chance to run away
mndz_mkl 0
LMAO!!!!!! Wear a cup!!!! Or punch him back!!! He's a Marine! He can take the pain! Or break your arm. Lol.
olive47_fml 0
Never.. i mean ******* NEVER!! punch a vet xD they'll tear your asshole off
Mischief109 11
Yes cuz I'm sure breaking your arm will improve the pain. The whole "take pity on the cripple" theory is kinda 86'ed
f_alltheirlives 3
Dude, thats child abuse---
Defiant47 0
You're from Texas...
genius_man16 0
Rofl. I should have seen that one coming. XD
VegasFML 0
lmao ditto
M0rt 0
where else would this happen?
Hoplon 1
I thought this was normal in Texas.
stephane_fml 0
This is like one of those math exam questions.. the 250 lbs is un needed information.
kj10124 0
its somewhat needed, if he was a 140 lb ex-marine, the probability of him obliterating his sons ballsack would be a little bit lower lol
djk 0
that is 250 lbs of muscle and momentum to propel full force in ball punching action
dnotter 0
if his dad's going to be throwing his whole body weight into the punch then it's not going to require fantastic reflexes to get out of the way...
skiz_fml 0
250 lbs of testicular crushing action!
Plumppotato 3
unless hes an EX-marine because hes incredibly obese.
gagagaunit 0
ya if you telegraph the shit out of it, but if you know how to punch it will
thatonekid2010 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI for having slow reflexis.
Luckster 0
I'd love to see how great your reflexes would be in this situation.
cake4lyfe 0
are you serious??
b5200 0
When your balls are on the line your reflexes should be at least 5 times faster than normal.
nolasaints 0
you are a naive retard!
Imawhalerider 0
does he want grandchildren?
metheonlyb 17
Awesome question. OP can ask this to his father.
reset_button 0
Not if he's crying on the floor in the fetal position with his thumb in his mouth