Anonymous
United States
Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Pissed
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
waterdog
United States
Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
shalara
Amstelveen, Netherlands
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Nobody
Singapore
Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML
b.fritz
Saint Louis, United States
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Anonymous
India
Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML
thedullard
United States
Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML
Good 2 have friends.
United States
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Misterhippo
United States
Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML
Top comments
Pleonasm 35
It just goes to show that Freud was right: Subconciously, dicks are always on your mind.
lilhellian 26
Cum on op, he was just trying to lighten the mood. :)
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Comments (76)
Pyon_fml 7
Haha man FYL
namyo 13
There is a button for that
CaptMurdock 25
Wow, what a witty and original comment. Maybe you could put some actual thought into it next time?
Jharrist89 12
Your comments are supposed to be "the shit" when you're #1....damn......
RoboCunnilingus 23
That's number 2, sir.
RedPillSucks 31
The pressure to be #1 causes some people to go for the short comment. If they have to think up a witty comment, they'll be #27
ozpunker 20
What a dick ;-)
hessel 13
don't be so cocky against OP :p
Jharrist89 12
Yea, that was a total dick move :-D
Fuhkyoo 17
its like everyone forgot the golden rule... if you pass out with your shoes on, youre fair game
ozpunker 20
I think I ballsed up with that one.
Ian7890 23
you can't really do much to help someone that fainted, pretty much just elevate their legs; but thats still really messed up.
richiedbond 16
Well played #2, well played
sipplmokn 2
???
hig999 19
I have just discovered that people somehow faint for no reason. People never cease to amaze me.
SaturnV 25
Even if it's not caused by a persistent underlying medical condition, there's always an immediate, physiological reason for fainting.
Pleonasm 35
Yea pretty short-sighted to say that it's for no reason. Anyway there are far more shocking truths than spontaneous fainting.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
At least you're ok! Hopefully the penis wasn't drawn with a permanent marker!
kristabelli 19
Am I the only one wondering just how real a "faint" this was, when OP seems to know exactly what happened while they were out?
lilhellian 26
Cum on op, he was just trying to lighten the mood. :)
skitsmuffin 6
Seriously. He saw the opportunity and took it. Youre lucky it wasnt his penis
eddeeezzyy 19
True, 43. But how do we know that the guy didn't trace his penis on OP? Lol
skitsmuffin 6
Hahaha very true. Check for face crabs Op
Pleonasm 35
It just goes to show that Freud was right: Subconciously, dicks are always on your mind.
honeyred1 2
Ooh yessir!
MrClean17 15
Looks like a few people are stuck in their high school days
enormouselephant 15
The pen is very helpful in saving life's.
BulldogHoops 14
Life's what? WHAT? The suspense is killing me.
RadeonDerp 24
My pen is huge....
illegalbeagle69 23
Compared to... a toothpick? a tic tac?
monnanon 13
well technically you can use a ballpoint pen for emergencies. you remove the ink filled bit and stab the plastic into the windpipe to aid breathing. i cant remember the medical name for it though. it may just be on medical dramas though hehe. im pretty sure it can be used directly to the lungs too.
akimes94 5
Graffiti in a whole new level
perdix 29
Everyone is this story is a ********.