Women's Day: Equality and Laughter

Stories that celebrate women in a light-hearted and humorous way, because equality can also be a source of joy!

Don't worry, be happy birthday

By Levi Smith - 18/02/2024 13:00 - United States - Assaria

Today, happy birthday to me. Any calls from my friends? Nope. Socials? Not even one. My wife and daughter spent any time with me? Couldn’t even be bothered to put their phones down during dinner. Not a single person on God’s green earth gives a shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 140

Planning

By stargate25 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 210

You deserved it 11 879

Celebrate the small things

By Anonymous - 12/02/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my wife said that her cup of coffee was the best part of her week. We celebrated our nineteenth anniversary this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 129

Alexa, play "Can't Stand Me Now" by The Libertines

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, after weeks of slaving away, I finally wrapped up the last house project on the backlog. I decided to take a day to relax around the house in celebration. My wife spent all day following me around, moaning that I never go anywhere, and that she never gets any space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 95

Kinda sus

By Unwanted - 21/10/2023 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. My husband said he had to work today and “rain checked” my birthday celebration for “god knows when, because I’m so busy. I’ll let you know.” A couple of months ago it was his female work bestie’s birthday and he got her a cake, balloon, flowers, and requested time off to take her out for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 123

Player

By AnneDuk - 11/05/2023 10:00

Today, another woman tagged my husband in a “Couples' Day” photo montage on Instagram. Some of the photos were taken during those “business trips” he was having, including when he traveled due to his “grandpa” passing away. We have 3 children and I gave birth to our last daughter a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 112

"My Wife" in a Borat voice

By Anonymous - 21/04/2023 00:00

Today, for my birthday, my wife gave me a "day to myself", except less than 20 minutes after I woke up it was, "could I quickly drive her to an appointment?", and "can we do a quick grocery shop?", and, "the kids need this and that." At bedtime, she asked me how I’d enjoyed my day to myself, seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 166

Overcompensating

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 02:00

Today, my wife has been going to a "women's group" for the last couple of months. She now refuses to do anything around the house, blatantly spoils our daughter, and talks to our son like he's mentally incompetent. She insists that she's just "reclaiming her power" but it makes everyone else miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 225

Take your pencil and shove it

By Anonymous - 21/07/2022 18:00

Today, I realised I will never be as important to my mom as her career. I asked if we could spend the day together on my birthday and she offered to “pencil me in” on one of her slower days in September. My birthday is in August, but apparently that’s inconvenient for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 119

Help, I need somebody!

By Almost40 - 26/06/2022 16:00

Today, it's my birthday, and like every other Sunday, my wife's been called into work, and I'm left with our three toddlers and yesterday's mess to clean up. It's raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 252

No thanks

By i know this is late but… - 16/06/2022 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, it was Mother’s Day. My mom died when I was young, so I deleted all of my social media, to avoiding seeing all my friends hanging out with their aging, but healthy, loving mothers. Then my dad decided to remind me what day it was and to wish my abusive stepmom a happy Mother’s Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 128

It's my special day

By I give up - 03/06/2022 02:00 - South Africa - Kimberley

Today, for the third day in a row, my wife is bitching about her terrible birthday. She had messages wishing her a happy birthday from her friends instead of actual calls. Also, she knew that my pay comes in the day after, and she agreed to go shopping with me, as opposed to a present on the day. She is 54, going on 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 230

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 02:00

Today, on the first occasion I've seen my boss since her brief leave, I brought up how I got to hear all our customers' heartwarming plans for their moms on Mother's Day. Her mother just died. That's why she was on leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 262

Get the message

By Smelly - 05/04/2022 16:00

Today, it’s my birthday. At work, at my desk, I found this beautiful gift-wrapped box and a card that read, “From all of us, we really care about you, and hope you like your present!” I opened the box. It had body shower gel, deodorant, soap, fragrance spray, and “frizz shampoo.” Hint taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 426

How can I make this about me?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 18:01

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 163

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 08:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, it's my birthday. My boss's birthday is 5 days away. Instead of wishing me happy birthday, the staff decided to surprise my boss with an early gift. We also had to take a picture of him with everyone. I work at another branch alone, and had to post the picture to social media. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 97

Medicare For All

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 08:01

Today, it's Mother’s Day. It's also the day I’m expected to pay a very large medical bill due to my miscarriage of twin babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 96

Lookin' good

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was sitting in the bus station when an old woman looked over at me, then said to her friend, "Young women are so pretty these days." Her friend looked up at me and said, "That's because makeup is so cheap these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 164

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 02:01

Today, I'm 26-year-old woman and I've never had a date for Valentine's Day, never been on a date, or received flowers. This pandemic makes me think I never will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 165

Passing

By reader - 04/12/2020 14:03

Today, I went to go to an aerobics class. Shen the instructor walked in, she went up to me and told me it was a women only class. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 134

Bad timing

By Horneyandbleeding - 23/11/2020 07:01 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I got my period. I was going to have my first threesome tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 486

Let's go girls!

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 23:01

Today, someone said that women shouldn’t hate their menstrual cycles, because the hormonal changes were so "interesting". Sure, that’s the word I’d use for alternating between cramps and zits, being an insatiable nymphomaniac, and being so depressed I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 152

Empathy City

By bald&ugly - 19/10/2019 02:00

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 385

You deserved it 143

Booming economy!

By ThatGuy24 - 26/09/2019 22:00

Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 404

By BobE - 31/07/2019 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I went to a mall and got some really awesome shoes. I went home to find out that they are actually women's shoes. I'm a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 886

By Jeff - 12/06/2019 14:00

Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 2 908

By SadOldBag - 23/08/2018 21:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 207

You deserved it 231

By Phoenix2115 - 26/02/2018 17:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 442

You deserved it 384

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 21:30 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 161

You deserved it 313

By SoMuchForThatIdea - 12/06/2017 00:00

Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 926

You deserved it 890

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Work Relatable Students Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Intimacy Sex Embarrassing Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 3 574

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 229

The Top

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 233

You deserved it 2 834

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 907

You deserved it 1 243

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 073

You deserved it 4 721

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 864

You deserved it 1 798

Today, I had a meeting with our partner company from Japan. I was instructed beforehand on bowing but when the time came I panicked, stood way too close, and headbutted their boss in the boobs. I was “politely” asked to leave the meeting. I’m so embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 730

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 099

You deserved it 10 774