Weird projection, but OK

By just realized - 16/09/2020 23:03 - United States

Today, I realized that when someone's pregnant or introduces me to their kids, they're saying, "I had sex with this person" and now I can’t stop visualizing it. Keep me out of your personal life, Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 1 343

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 22:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 697

You deserved it 9 138

Condom advertisement

By Willow McGarrigle - 30/05/2020 02:00

Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 135

Dude, step up your game

By happycow122 - 20/06/2015 20:54 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 096

You deserved it 20 401

By =( - 05/04/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 730

You deserved it 14 418

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 191

You deserved it 849

Breaking news

By I Know How to Pick'em - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 797

You deserved it 2 656

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 694

You deserved it 3 658

Better late than never

By why now?! - 12/08/2022 02:00

Today, the guy I had a two-week long fling with and got pregnant by (while on birth control I might add), and who disappeared more than a decade ago after I told him, showed up at my door, demanding shared custody of my daughter. While he is her biological parent, she’s never met him and was terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 05/04/2019 18:00

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 509

You deserved it 423

Plans

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 02:30

Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 203

ojoRojo 27

Thursday 17 September 2020 7:38

Are you 12?

Tiffani Carter 6

Thursday 17 September 2020 5:09

Um, no. Telling you they’re pregnant doesn’t tell you who they slept with...

Comments

Tiffani Carter 6

Thursday 17 September 2020 5:09

Um, no. Telling you they’re pregnant doesn’t tell you who they slept with...

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 17 September 2020 5:18

But you're probably just imagining Tom having boring missionary sex for procreation. Think of Tom getting pegged by his wife, then tossing her salad, teabagging her, giving her anal and then a facial. Give him some credit.

Marcella1016 31

Thursday 17 September 2020 8:19

Actually Tom gets 0 points, because none of those sex acts would actually get his wife pregnant.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 17 September 2020 8:25

Sex is more than just for procreation. I want the OP have lots of dirty images of Tom for his obsession with him.

Iamthebanzai22 20

Thursday 17 September 2020 14:58

You forgot partner swopping, fisting and bondage.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 17 September 2020 17:54

I didn't. I just thought I gave the OP the right number of disturbing images about Tom. I could have gone into blumpkins, felching, Cleveland streamers, Alabama Hot Pockets, etc.