Awkward, Drugs and Health: Tough guy, huh?

Tough guy, huh?

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 338

You deserved it 44 276

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 08:25

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 566

You deserved it 11 401

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 02:49 - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 150

You deserved it 41 735

By shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 348

You deserved it 263

Fight Club

By MyFaceHurts - 03/08/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 855

You deserved it 55 500

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 285

You deserved it 3 906

Run!

By Anonymous - 05/11/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 805

You deserved it 37 573

By deven - 29/08/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 735

You deserved it 44 790

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 665

You deserved it 40 125

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 17:36 - United States

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 954

You deserved it 5 446

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 933

You deserved it 256

xxmel 6

Friday 15 June 2012 5:32

You lied, so now you have to put up with the consequences.

purpadurp 6

Friday 15 June 2012 5:32

So many levels of fail -_-

Comments

LadyGore 12

Friday 15 June 2012 5:59

Laugh my ******* ass off. "Lmao" didn't seem good enough to express my emotions.

lolfood 24

Friday 15 June 2012 6:02

Actually, that would be "lmfao"

auzz1_pride 9

Friday 15 June 2012 6:13

37) you're an idiot, enough said.

carbon_elf 0

Friday 15 June 2012 6:51

Laughing* not laugh.

LadyGore 12

Friday 15 June 2012 7:50

It doesn't matter wether I use pretense or future tense both can be grammatically correct, actually.

pixie4 1

Friday 15 June 2012 6:01

Ydi for befriending crackheads

Sophia32Sage 0

Friday 15 June 2012 6:02

Ray_of_midnight 22

Friday 15 June 2012 6:14

YDI for being a pathological liar and for having friends who are crackheads.

soad2014 7

Friday 15 June 2012 6:15

"Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie..."

patacus 14

Friday 15 June 2012 6:26

you need better friends

LuckyLynx7732 5

Friday 15 June 2012 6:36

If you have crackheads for friends I think lying about a few bruises is the least of your problems.

CinnamonRugby 5

Friday 15 June 2012 6:37

You lied, now prepare to walk the plank!

solosohigh 15

Friday 15 June 2012 6:39

you need to learn to laugh at yourself instead of being embarrassed when you do stupid stuff.

Calyx_fml 21

Friday 15 June 2012 6:44

Your "friends" are not your friends. They are the pipe's friends. You are just a tool. Leave them and stay off the pipe.

Keywords

Education Parents Public freakouts Mother in law Love Miscellaneous Argument AITA Fear Insects Skincare Cats Health Jealousy Gross Work Coworkers Drugs Dogs Animals Awkward Fire Cars Transportation Scams Money Bikes Scary Neighbours Sex

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 697

You deserved it 9 548

Today, I went to see the doctor for my daughter and myself. I fell two weeks ago, I thought I'd sprained my ankle but apparently I broke my leg instead. I’ve been limping around for two weeks. My daughter was sick, which is the only reason I got X-rayed. It may need screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 186

The Top

Today, I arrived at my best friend's wedding and found out that my invitation was no longer valid. His brother tried to explain that they'd decided to make the ceremony for family members only, then two our classmates popped out to say hello. They're not related, neither to my friend nor to his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 93

Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 508

You deserved it 2 180

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 421

You deserved it 30 334

Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 186

Today, when I selected my classes last semester, I could have taken my required-to-graduate foreign language classes on something doable like Spanish. Instead, not knowing what I was getting into, I selected Classical Greek. It's too late to change my language and my uninformed choice is going to cost me my degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 1 321

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 861

You deserved it 47 191

Tough guy, huh?

Same thing different taste

Fight Club

Run!

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