Intimacy: Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called...

By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 076

You deserved it 4 735

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 20:34 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 736

You deserved it 32 273

By iamnotfat - 06/02/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 747

You deserved it 4 491

By Lukey1028 - 14/07/2015 01:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 336

You deserved it 3 443

Hearsay

By froyo - 26/02/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 397

You deserved it 4 406

By Wallz99 - 19/04/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 359

You deserved it 23 347

Classic

By Daniel - 09/08/2021 16:01

Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 90

What a cad!

By the2girls - 09/08/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 248

You deserved it 5 226

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 808

You deserved it 7 151

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 336

You deserved it 32 285

Look up here

By Cody - 06/07/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 926

You deserved it 53 775

Pentium_4 27

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:56

oh man....next time you smell fish, you know what to say. BUT, only cause she was mean first ;)

StoryOfTheYear 14

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:57

No meat-lovers today?

Comments

jessjxx_fml 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 14:24

lmfaooo thats funny

Jem777 6

Thursday 12 January 2012 14:42

That's when you tell your boss that you're full on huge gaping vaginas

irishman1989 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 15:04

Dick enhancements bro

perdix 29

Thursday 12 January 2012 15:20

Also, tell your boss you're going to have to dump the anchovies -- they are beginning to stink and none likes them.

jad07 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 16:47

It's a sad day when your girlfriend says your short on sausage. You should dump that fishy smell

pussapian 3

Thursday 12 January 2012 16:53

This is why you don't date your co-worker...

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 12 January 2012 17:02

They may have been dating before they were coworkers. Not enough info

EvilDave 13

Thursday 12 January 2012 17:15

OP, you need to listen to Sam Kinison bit about what to do with women who say you have a small penis.

davek 36

Thursday 12 January 2012 18:17

What what

Aerofresh 3

Thursday 12 January 2012 18:20

Dang that was cold! That's just not cool you don't make small penis remarks we are sensitive about what's down there.

CaptainPickles72 18

Thursday 12 January 2012 18:50

in the butt!

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The Top

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 409

You deserved it 2 826

Today, I lost all hope of finding a man. I’m gonna be 34 and I can’t get a date to save my life. I was cursed with a facial deformity and 285lbs of weight, making all men run for the hills. All of my younger sisters have got married and started families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 192

The Top

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 380

You deserved it 18 654

Today, I got the dress I gave to a tailor to replace a broken zipper back. When I tried it on, I discovered that they’d cut at least 4 inches of fabric, and being skinny, there’s no way I can ever fit into it. It’s from the 1950’s, inherited from my late grandma, who in turn inherited it from her aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 92

Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 666

You deserved it 11 924

Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 419

You deserved it 3 777

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 2 896

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't have to sit on campus so long to print it all out. It just got delivered in Arizona today. I live in New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 404

You deserved it 1 258