Miscellaneous: Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding,...

By strandedguest - 30/09/2010 06:51 - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 347

You deserved it 2 873

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By doneanddone - 28/02/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 767

You deserved it 8 738

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 002

You deserved it 3 495

No pain, no meds

By I don’t stink - 01/05/2020 20:00

Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 977

You deserved it 263

Migraine-inducing FML

By myheadhurts - 21/06/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug-addicted friends into my home while I was away, where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 283

You deserved it 5 420

By MyLife - 03/03/2019 12:00

Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 604

You deserved it 183

Smooth criminal

By jack1057 - 12/09/2020 01:01 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 144

By Sebastian20 - 08/05/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 324

You deserved it 15 609

By Sam - 03/12/2011 10:03 - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 022

You deserved it 9 617

By poserpilot - 12/11/2012 15:10 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 516

You deserved it 6 651

Drunken antics

By DevilsTemptation - 29/08/2019 02:01 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 143

QueenPersephone 9

Thursday 30 September 2010 13:13

The logic of this drunk guy bothers me. Why steal someones keys and then take a cab home?

FYLDeep 25

Thursday 30 September 2010 12:21

That's why you keep your keys in your pocket.

Comments

fantasyworld 37

Monday 16 March 2015 19:12

Your friend shouldn't have left that stuff unattended.

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The Top

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

Today, my girlfriend was cooking dinner. To my horror, she took the chicken out and immediately began scrubbing it with dish soap. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she stared at me like I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 109

The Top

Today, I’ve finished all my cancer treatments but my body is putting me through the wringer again. I got my first period after not having one for nearly a year, and with it has come all sorts of hormonal issues including cramping, mood swings, hot flashes, and heinous BO! It’s worse than puberty! FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 66

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 431

You deserved it 13 249

Today, it's the tenth anniversary of me getting my driver's license. My record is perfect: no accidents, no tickets. Today is also the tenth anniversary of the last time I drove a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 509

Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're F*ing, go away". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 049

You deserved it 8 179

Today, I was at my boss's house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4-foot cake before passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 507

You deserved it 81 236

Today, I'm once again stuck on the side of the road. I was borrowing my housemate's old car and it broke down. This comes only days after my own broke down (and will take 3 weeks to repair). None of this is helping my sudden temper and mood swings that have come as a side-effect of discontinuing my anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 128