Intimacy: Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 4 790

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 816

You deserved it 26 454

By FuckThis - 31/08/2015 13:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Spicy

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 2 534

By allennn - 14/03/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 923

You deserved it 38 531

I was the bullet in the relationship

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 10:00

Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 348

Inebriated utterances

By Brenden Alistair Maye - 30/07/2021 01:59

Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 104

Cheers

By ineedanotherdrink - 07/08/2009 09:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 820

You deserved it 5 522

By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 493

You deserved it 2 735

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 035

You deserved it 4 182

By cumguzzler - 06/03/2009 16:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 666

You deserved it 11 924

By Anonymous - 11/04/2015 20:55 - Australia - Caroline Springs

Spicy

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 357

You deserved it 3 278

Next

Top comments

maphineRAWRS 10

Saturday 13 November 2010 11:56

ydi it for trying to "get with" her.. unless you ment in a nice way cause you like her, then you've just been planning to use her for a year so hahaha at her getting with someone else :)

alexFYL 11

Saturday 13 November 2010 21:36

dude, I've been trying to get with Brad Pitt since i was like 11 years old, he keeps going out with other girls. I know how you feel.

Comments

GreekYogurt 26

Saturday 15 August 2015 0:35

Crushes are silly.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, one of my roommates blew a fuse by running a personal heater on full overnight. I notified our landlady that I had to get a new fuse; she came over to pay me for it. Only as I heard landlady's horn did I see another roommate's girlfriend's car; she stayed overnight and isn't allowed to. Both roomies got evicted and blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 91

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 153

You deserved it 68 067

The Top

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 895

You deserved it 28 005

Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 181

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turns out I have wood rot, and my entire window fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 077

You deserved it 4 777

Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 414

You deserved it 4 442

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 214

You deserved it 9 336

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 201

You deserved it 102 931