Today, on Dr. Phil… - FML

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 476

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

My pleasure

By billjoebob424 - 07/02/2020 01:00 - Canada

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 725

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 918

You deserved it 7 465

Mind games

By LittleRed - 05/03/2012 08:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 081

You deserved it 4 276

By erin - 04/02/2010 14:51 - France

Spicy

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cybersex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 301

You deserved it 33 763

By Joe - 08/07/2011 18:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 709

You deserved it 22 407

By itchtoscratch - 04/07/2016 04:14

Spicy

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 903

You deserved it 3 091

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 439

You deserved it 8 068

By wet dreams - 12/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Cartersville

Spicy

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 979

You deserved it 4 563

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 287

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 205

You deserved it 39 597

Next

Top comments

user53658 15

Tuesday 24 September 2019 12:11

Congratulations on this important insight, masturbating instead of having real sex will save you a ton of drama, trouble and money in the long run.

Kevin Fletcher 10

Monday 23 September 2019 22:42

Less pressure. Makes sense

Comments

ahabsfan 14

Monday 23 September 2019 18:36

Pictures don’t speak. I get it.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 23 September 2019 22:39

Does she look good, but smell bad?

Kevin Fletcher 10

Monday 23 September 2019 22:42

Less pressure. Makes sense

user53658 15

Tuesday 24 September 2019 12:11

Congratulations on this important insight, masturbating instead of having real sex will save you a ton of drama, trouble and money in the long run.

WeirdUS 29

Sunday 29 September 2019 1:47

Been there, dated someone I found very attractive but we are not on the same page as far as sex. Sex and Money are the 2 biggest reasons for cheating and/or the relationship ending.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 017

You deserved it 3 408

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 847

You deserved it 635

The Top

Today, I got a mammogram, after feeling some discomfort. After the exam, I mentioned to my mother my doctor referred the test, because even though I'm still in my twenties, I have a family history of breast cancer. She told coworkers, friends, and family about my health condition. Now they all know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 110

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 832

You deserved it 4 374

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 742

You deserved it 5 659

Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into work every day just to make sure it ate and stayed alive long enough to turn into a butterfly, it finally did. Before it could fly free, a bird turned it into a snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 461

You deserved it 6 023

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 276

You deserved it 2 770

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 605

You deserved it 6 009